Venting: Thoughts on Anxiety, Depression, Steem, and the Coronavirus

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I have issues with anxiety and depression.

I live with this daily stress:

  • Not feeling good enough
  • Not feeling like I am accomplishing enough toward my goals
  • Feeling like I am a disappointment to my parents and family
  • Worrying about my 18-year-old cat who is likely ready to be euthanized
  • Worrying about my actual other health conditions
  • Generally hating myself and feeling like a failure

I think everyone has some of these worries.
But, in my brain, they are unhealthily amplified to 11. (Spinal tap joke)
I also have OCD so these negative thoughts become obsessive and all I can think about. These obsessive thoughts also involve going to the absolute worst-case scenario and believing that will inevitably be the case....often to the point where I have an anxiety attack.
Plus, it becomes worse when I sleep too much, when I don't eat a healthy diet, and when I don't exercise.

So, on top of all of my usual anxiety, I am now also worried about the Steem/Tron situation and the Coronavirus/Economy.

I try to stay detached so that I don't become obsessed.
But, I'm having a difficult time.

Lately, I haven't been feeling well physically ... likely a result of stress. I was starting to feel an anxiety attack coming on so I called my mom for some motherly love.
What I got instead was hearing her freaking out about the Coronavirus.

I tried to tell her that things would likely be ok ... every few years there is a virus that is portrayed as a massive concern and things usually work out. Also, people die of the flu all the time.
I was trying to convince her .... and myself ... that everything would be ok.

She started yelling at me and accusing me of not watching the news and that I have no idea how bad things are and are going to get ... then my dad got on the phone and started yelling at me about the economy and politics.

So, basically, I was starting to have a panic attack ... then I actually got one.
I started crying on top of it, then my throat felt like it was closing up and it was hard to breathe.

I told my dad that I wasn't feeling well and I didn't call to argue about politics and hung up.

Now I'm feeling guilty about hanging up and I feel like my parents hate me.

As far as Steem, this has been my home for almost 3 years.
It's breaking my heart to see people divided, to have people mad at some or all of our witnesses, to hear all the negativity about the situation we are in, to see people in Discord or Steem threads accusing witnesses of not caring about the community.

I'm sad and exhausted.
I think I need to step away for a bit for the sake of my own sanity.

I currently have a Jeffy cat on my lap so I'm going to focus on that instead.

life steem coronavirus psychology palnet neoxian venting
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63 comments
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Hi @isaria, a modest tip of appreciation:
$trendotoken and !trendovoter .
Also, please check out my Fourth Nonsense Writing Contest.
Thanks!

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Stepping back is 100% okay. It sounds like your parents are stressed out and forgot that you are, too. Sending peaceful thoughts, deep breaths, kitty snuggles, good food and adequate exercise. You're not the only one with a brain that works like that. Not alone at all. Take care of yourself, my friend. (((hugs)))

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Thank you Katrina ❤️♥️❤️
hugs

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Take a step back, spend some time for yourself, spend some quality time with your cat, and know that it's okay to feel broken. We're all broken in some form or another, in various degrees; we can all be broken together.

You and I haven't interacted all that much, but from when we have I've felt that you're pretty talented, and pretty awesome too. I'm pretty sure you'll be just as talented and awesome when this finally passes.

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Thank you....let us be broken together!❤️

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Pet the kitty!!!

And relax and watch the world. Things will keep going. Pick a good plan.

And yeah it's my 3rd bday here sometime!!! This is awesome!!!!

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Congratulations @isaria! You received a personal award!

Thank you for the witness votes you made to support your Steem community and for keeping the Steem blockchain decentralized

You can view your badges on your Steem Board and compare to others on the Steem Ranking

Do not miss the last post from @steemitboard:

Downvote challenge - Add up to 3 funny badges to your board
Use your witness votes and get the Community Badge
Vote for @Steemitboard as a witness to get one more award and increased upvotes!
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Hello Isaria! Sorry to hear that! I understand you because that's how I feel sometimes. Go for a walk in a park, or have a coffee with someone. Don't watch the news, go to the movies, watch funny movies, talk to your friends. Read a book that's different from what you usually read, surround yourself with happy people and take a vacation from blokchain. I hope you find something to make your life happier! Greetings!

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Thank you those are all wonderful suggestions❤️

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Take care of yourself. I had debilitating anxiety for years, it still can impact me, but not like the old days.

Distance if you want/need to, but if you ever need a chat feel free to DM.

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Thank you Wu, same goes for you❤️

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(Edited)

Isaria thanks for being so candid and sharing what's going on in your life. I think most of us can relate.
We are all our own worst critics, and saboteurs. Nothing at all wrong with taking a break from it all. Only you know what's best. Immerse yourself in music, and other things that interest you. Your creativity is something special and extraordinary

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Thank you for your kind words❤️

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You've gotta do what you've gotta do sometimes!!! As far as this realm goes, everyone on steemit loves you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Thank you ❤️❤️❤️

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I'm sorry to hear that your anxiety is so ramped up, but I do understand how and why you're feeling that way.
I really don't understand this whole thing of blaming the witnesses for this stuff. They simply did what they thought was best for the chain at the time. It seems that a lot of people who are angry with them now didn't like them much before all this stuff happened, and now they get to vent about it. And, of course, that helps no one.

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Thanks Amber ❤️ too much anger and drama for me right now
Just hanging out with the kitties

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"I live with this daily stress:

Not feeling good enough
Not feeling like I am accomplishing enough toward my goals
Feeling like I am a disappointment to my parents and family
Worrying about my 18-year-old cat who is likely ready to be euthanized
Worrying about my actual other health conditions
Generally hating myself and feeling like a failure"

"Work is easy. True idleness requires courage and fortitude" - Johann Hamann, 1760

You've been indoctrinated that you 'need' to achieve.

After that even the slightest perceived 'failure' to achieve leads to depression and the 'poor me drama'

First step is lose the 'need' - for anything.
When you need nothing you are never disappointed. Never depressed. Because you have NO reason to be depressed.

Then have the courage to tell anyone you thinks you're not up to scratch to shove it. You'll feel a lot better for the experience

000 paul-auster-quote-lbp6l4s.jpg

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Just chill like Chad yo!!!

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Nickelback is literally the best

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You're preaching to the choir sista'.

Fast Fact: Early statistics show that drunken nickelback fans only have a 13% chance of contracting the coronavirus. Unfortunately, they only have a .07% chance of getting laid at house parties. :(
dow nload.jpg

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Some astronomical factors indicating these feelings may be out of our control:

  • an upcoming change of season (and here we just advance the clock by one hour)
  • a full Supermoon yesterday (when the moon is full and at its closest to the Earth)
  • the ending of a Mercury Retrograde phase (which is believed to be a time when progress is hindered)

Often when I'm having a bad time, putting things into a macrocosmic perspective has a reassuring effect on me.

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Thank you for letting me know....I need to pay more attention to these things.

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It is stressful but I believe we will prevail! I am sorry you have to deal with all the extra health issues and I do hope you feel better soon. It was a good small sign to receive a Binance apology letter yesterday. I think everything will work out- it does make me so sad to hear Aggroed as he is exhausted and is doing such a fantastic job as well as all the witnesses for our Steem community that we all love. It was a good thing to see the community come together as one to fight Tron. Just try to take a mini-break and forget about it all for a few hours or more and come back refreshed! I was forced to do that when Twitter froze my account for almost 2 days for spamming Tron/Justin Sun and the Exchanges! LOL!!! We all have to take little breaks- then come back fighting as one for STEEM!!

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Thank you for reaching out ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Twitter is crazy lol

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I can relate to this on so many levels, but for now I'll simply be...

isaria steem hug.gif

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Thank you Traci ❤️

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You are not alone.
This is a wide spread phenomenon.
Best options for !engage 22 ing into new songs.
!COFFEEA

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Chocolate is your friend. Bad for hugging as it tends to melt and gets a bit messy.

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I eat way too much chocolate lol

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But it is very nice so you are forgiven.

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hugs I so have been feeling this feel. Plus budget cuts at school so everything feels like it's in limbo.... sending good vibes your way <3

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i have a lot of your exact same issues.
i had a serious panic attack several days ago which i could not manage.
I found some ray of hope in the coron virus thing as a treatment has surfaced that seems to work.
please see this video as it was very helpful in understanding how it all works:

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Sorry to hear you had a panic attack..I know how horrible that is.
Thanks for the video....watched it....feeling hopeful that will work.❤️

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Take care. Much love to you. I hope you feel better now.

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