I spent a week being brutally honest. Here's what I learned:
I'd say I was naturally a very honest person. For the last 20 years I've spent my time cultivating a presence that inspires authentic living. I don't like to talk about it much though because the life skills sector has become so bloated with people teaching what they learn but not practising what they preach. That's generally what happens when an area of business blows up, it gets filled with snake oils salesmen and wheeler dealers that do the grift but rarely understand what they teach.
I've carved a life out for myself of honest living but I'm always on the lookout for new ways to inspire others, and I had the idea a few weeks ago.. what if I lived so authentically that I was just brutally honest with everyone I meet? Would it work well or is it just a load of bollocks like a lot of people say it is?
Well, I took the test and I was brutally honest with everyone I met and here's some of the conclusions I've drawn.
People really don't like honesty.
I'm not sure if this is limited to being a British thing but there are comfortable lies we like telling ourselves daily and it can sometimes shatter our self perception when those lies are pointed out. My best friend really didn't appreciate me telling him that his idea that he had for work was terrible and he'd do much better focusing on what he's good at with something than he could grow than purely looking at the money. Neither did my wife like that I told her that her opinions on men and women were biased and not practical because of her good upbringing and relatively healthy and prosperous friend group. Some people just don't have that luck or access to wealth straight away.
Now I'll be clear. I hated every moment of this experiment because usually I'll let most things slide and allow people to think the way they want to think. Who am I to barge in and bellow my unwanted opinion all over. Sometimes the subtle lies we tell ourselves keep us moving with forward momentum and do no harm in the grand scheme of things. Ricky Gervais' The Invention of Lying should have displayed that in all its glory.
Sometimes comfortable lies are harmless
The internet has characterised that we as a population don't like hearing harsh truths, and whilst that's true, it's also completely wrong that it's a bad thing.
I often like to think of my wife when she's waking up as a way to solidify this. If I were to tell her that her breath stinks likes shit and she looks like she was dragged through a hedge backwards it's probably going to set her on the wrong foot for the day. There's a lot to be said about the mood you wake up in and how it frames your mindset for the rest of the day.
So I bring her a cup of coffee with a smile and say, "Good morning beautiful" - even after many years of marriage this sort of comforting lie has lots of power over the day.
So the internet is wrong. Sometimes a little lie goes a long way.
Authentic Living v Brutal Honesty
If you ask Andrew Tate about brutal honesty he'd probably call you a feeble crying pussy cunt to your face. Men are since being pulled in the direction that it's better to be Alpha and uncaring with your raw power, but then that lacks one absolutely striking point. Women hate raw honesty and uncaring men, and the whole point of Andrew Tate existing is to level up the guys.
This whole movement, which has people like Tate as a figurehead tells us that men need to level up their life if they want to attract women. Yes, this is true. I fully agree that you should absolutely level up your life. But as my last week has shown me I was dreadfully unpopular with the ladies and had to even go as far as to tell them the experiment I was doing.
You see, eventually people grow up, mature, figure out how the world works and they are more wiser and more able to overcome the challenges life throws at you. Women stop going for the bad guy when they realise their aim out of life wasn't to be treated like shit and look for someone that will treat them right and look after them. This is learned from age and experience. Their will for modern fulfilment will eventually overcome their primal urges.
It's the same for men. We strive for enrichment, encouragement, and a prosperous life. We learn in our 20's that strikingly hot and beautiful does not necessarily equate to level headed and peaceful, or even child rearing capabilities. Quite frankly through my own experience it's quite the opposite.
But to bring this home authentic living would be living life as honestly as you can without stepping on any social faux pas; without rocking the boat. There is no need to set someone on the wrong foot for the day if it isn't crucial to your "getting ahead with what needs done," sure, you absolutely can be an arrogant idiot to everyone you meet but that necessarily wont build you a network of friends or people you can draw on when the time comes.
You can be an Alpha whilst being kind too
Quite frankly I hate the term "Alpha" because it suggests to other men that there is a need to be a certain way, when personally I think just being comfortable in your own skin is fine. Just practise saying no and standing up for what you believe in a lot more.
You can still be kind and say no too. Remember this then next time you try and pretend to be something you're not.
Hi Hive, I'm shatteredsilence.
Hey everyone. I'm shatteredsilence, this is my first hive fire post. I'm here to show everyone (and my network) that you can build from scratch a completely separate wealth package on hive if you just work 1-2 hours per day in your spare time and that can work up to a significant amount in the next 6-7 years. Not everything needs to be instant.
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Peace out!
Being honest isn't appreciated by most people across the globe, and it's quite dishearting seeing that as a new normal around, because what we grew up with what the need to be honest and stay true to the truth.
However just like you, I've been in such situation where delving into lie that are comfortable seems like the way out to keeping friends and maintaining harmony.
Welcome to the hive Blockchain @shatteredsilence .
As long as it doesn't hurt them, why not, right?
I actually laughed when I saw the first thing about how people don’t like honesty because I was having a conversation with my friend and he asked me something and I told him the truth and he went ahead to ask that did I really have?
Now this question moves to how comfortable lies are harmless… I mean what I said was true but then he got hurt and affected so if I told him a little lie because he already knew the truth, it would have gone a long way.
As a straightforward person, this is like a message to me because it kind of confirms a lot of things for me…just like how you tell your wife “good morning beautiful” no matter how she’s looking every morning, I don’t think if I had a partner, I would be expecting him to be brutally honest after seeing me wake up with my drooling face. That could even affect my day.So it’s just better to tone my “truthfulness down” if that lie I will tell won’t hurt anyone.
Anyway, you're welcome to hive Shatteredsilence, I hope you enjoy your journey on this amazing platform. All the best.
Thanking you, lovely reflections there!
So glad I came across this today. I am one to be honest even to the point of brutality at times, but of recent I have also noticed that at times softening it a little makes it a lot easier on the person you're dealing with.
As for the whole alpha male thing, I have listened to Andrew Tate a few times, and at first it was making sense (when he was talking about holding yourself responsible for your life), but when it comes to his views on women I realized how outrageously wrong he was. In the end I realized I couldn't listen to such and stopped.
You're a good writer Fr, dropping a follow.
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Some dauntless individual you are to give such an experiment a go. Being brutally honest can actually bring brutal repercussions that could even be deadly, yet it proves your point.
One can actually be kindly assertive, and that's alright to maintain balance between yourself and the world. While it's important to not be a people-pleaser, one can rather be empathetic and kind while keeping necessary boundaries, especially if they'd like that back.
Welcome to Hive, comrade of understanding! Yes to more like this in the future, and perhaps less daring experiments, too.
Ah this is very true, and thankfully I didn't put myself in harms way.
I laughed at the second image because it is the truth in today's world. People do not enjoy being told the brutal truth as they would assume you don't love them or want to see them doing better, whereas, the truth can be a change for them if they accept it. They say the truth is always bitter and so, they feel comfortable in the sweet lies but for how long? That is the reality of the world and how people are so comfortable hearing the lies and making the truth dictate how their days should end.
Sometimes the hardest thing to see in life is to watch someone destroy themselves that wont accept the truth
It's so painful but we can't force people like that.
Okay, that is one hell of an intro @shatteredsilence and the username, oh! I'm definitely tuning in for more.
We do have honest people but because we don't want the truth always, they seem to have gone on extinct lol. A week must have been long to do such an experiment, some won't last a day.
It pays to be honest but I still question how exactly because some truth, they say, hurts! How do you compensate for the hurt you give by being truthful? Or it is just what it is.
Is the part where you tell your wife she's beautiful in the morning even after many years of marriage, that's adorable actually 💯
I have to - it keeps the spice going :)
This is Just the Honest Truth, or I will say the Bitter truth that is always hard to swallow. We are in a world where cunningness and Lies is the new normal, people no longer care about living a Honest and Inspirational life,
But there are situations where lies would actually looks more comfortable to say than truth, some people call it constructive lies, some white lies, hehe example is when probably your wife mouth stinks and you want to tell her in a way she won't feel bad, or maybe you are in having a phone call and you have to lie your location or what you are doing presently (you feel comfortable to lie because you felt the person is probably not going to see you, which was actually wrong.)
Sometimes the pressures in the society to can push you to a lot of things you likely didn't stand for. It's Up to you to Be Diligent and Honest To yourself and people around you.
A very Inspiring Post @shatteredsilence
Thank you. Nice constructive insights there!
Not everyone is comfortable with the truth and constantly saying it to people will make them withdraw from you completely. I get that the purpose of being honest with others is for them to make positive changes and set things right but they see it differently.
Humans are afraid of the truth and I can relate to what it feels like allowing things slide just for the sake of your experiment and not wanting to hurt others feeling.
I hated this experiment in all honesty. I don't mind comforting lies lol
Your experiment brought about a lot of meaningful lessons. The truth is bitter, not everyone likes to hear it even when they know that they are not telling themselves the truth. They just keep on hoping and most times, it's nothing more than crying for the moon.
Comfortable lies are indeed harmless. Such lies maintain harmony between ourselves and loved ones and helps peace to reign.
Absolutely - sometimes a comforting lie can be the difference between a productive day and one feel bad.
I can relate to how much people do not like honesty... I've been a victim of it myself and almost lost my way because of it.
But then building from the scratch will require a whole lot of honesty. It's better to be taken for granted for being honest because it might look like you've lost in the beginning but in the real sense you've won integrity
I agree :)
welp there's a saying that some things are better left unsaid. Many people tend to dislike honest but negative feedback, even if it's intended as positive criticism.
Yep. Another truth, sadly.
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It takes an amazing level of experience and self-reflection to reach a conclusion like this. Reading this was liberating in so many ways. Hive is not a place that thrives on brutal truths as well, so I guess you're in the right place. Lol
Welcome to Hive @shatteredsilence.🌺
I think everywhere in general is like that!
Believe me, not everyone likes hearing the truth. Alot or people will start hating you the more you tell them what exactly they need to hear. Saying the truth looks more like killing someone lols. They will hate you and they will even think you do not like them at all.
But prefer those who lies to them. But what do we do. We keep doing what we can do anyway.
@shatteredsilence welcome to Hive blockchain.
Thank you, and yes, it's true!
Aren't there different versions of truth?
I used to think this. It's where the hardcore "world is nurture" v the hardcore "world is nature" people collide. This is perhaps why we seem in such a mess right now in the world and on social media. There is push and pull between nature and nurture.
But I think the truth is somewhere in the middle. Or at least that's what I've come to realise.
There is objective truth, and personal truth. For instance my truth is that I view myself as a good person, whereas if you talked to someone that disliked me then they would disagree with that assertion. There probably is no objective truth in this as people view each other on different levels.
Whereas there is objective truth. The coffee table is brown. Sure someone may be colour blind and see it as green but the coffee table will always be brown.
A nice write up I must say, so I dropped a follow
But I'd think even if we should tell comforting lies from time to time to our loved ones, family, friends and whomever, I feel when they need to hear the honest truth about something you know would benefit them, then we shouldn't hesitate in that aspect
For example, just as you said telling your wife she's beautiful every morning despite her drooling face,is a comforting but harmless lie but telling a friend who probably smokes that smoking isn't beneficial to the health and would most likely kill him or her is an honest, unpleasant as it may seem but a truth that should be told. It's still up to the person to take it or leave it
Being honest once in awhile isn't bad at all. Just be honest when necessary, when lives are at stake. You could still tell comforting lies only if they're harmless.