People Pleasing - An Aspect Of My Life I Want To Say NO To

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I didn't know it had a name (People pleasing) until someone pointed it out to me after watching how I behaved for a while. We didn't relate much with each other but I was shocked when he came to me one day to have a word with me. I can still remember his words as if I heard it just yesterday. He gave a bit of a long talk about letting People Pleasing get the better part of who one is. In his concluding words I can recite anytime, he said...

It's good to help people, it's good to listen to people but never let any of that hinder your growth, your happiness or any aspect of your life

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As true as that can be and I agree with him so much, I still find it hard to abide to. I know I do let this aspect of my life get the better part of me but how to get off it is what seem like an impossible phase to take. I could go a whole day worrying about someone, cry with someone and even spend so much for someone but you'd be shocked that the same someone can't do any of that for another person, talk more of doing it for me. Well, the more shocking aspect is that I can't say NO even when I want to, I'll still give my help when needed.

I've come to realize that I let people's words get to me easily, so easily that I could change a supposed well thought out plan I did into something else that would only favour people and not myself. I tend to find my little happiness in not saying No to others even when I know deep down that I'm going against what I really want to do.

I want to say NO when I don't feel good about what is being asked of me.

But it's so hard that sometimes I unconsciously say YES and get it done before I realize that I wanted to say NO to the request 🤦‍♀️ it's that bad and this has affected me in so many ways.

My life goals, dreams and happiness are hindered to an extent

I tend to slow down, settle for less and not try so hard because I'm busy pleasing people who I feel mean so much to me. Even those who I barely know tend to abuse this aspect of my life, it's sad when I think about it but any minute from now, if I'm asked to do something against my will, I'll still do it before thinking.

Yeah, I think this is the main thing I'm yet to let go to better my life is the less thinking I have before I do some things that needs to be thought out well first.

I know there are benefits I'm missing out on for pleasing people before I please myself, and I'd love to live my life on my own terms while I have my happiness and share it, not making people happy and having my weird life thoughts after. It's difficult to do but I'd appreciate any thoughts on this.

How do one please people alongside themselves? I think life would be fairer for many that way if it's made possible.

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I also don't believe in people pleasing and show off as they like me to see. I prefer being myself and my people will definitely find the good in me so I try to be good but pleasing people is not my business and part of personality. I love my people as they are!

Good discussion indeed, have a nice day my friend 💝🥂🫰🤗

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I wish I could have that more in mind than I do, it isn't easy as said for me 🤦‍♀️

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This is an aspect of my life I'd love to change too
Especially with the recent happenings in my social life but it's so hard to. No matter how many times I get hurt, I still find myself going out of my way to do things for people that a simple "NO" could have avoided.

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I guess we have that in common, sadly 🥲
But then, I bet there are ways to go around this. We just need to think more on it

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I took notes on how to stop pleasing others one time, I felt so bad the first time I tried using what I learnt and my friends nearly ripped my head off for being "selfish" so gullible me went back to my old ways cause I was scared of losing friends, I even apologized till I got back on their good books. 🥲🤦

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Haha I can relate with that very well... You feel like you're the worse when you decide to do for you and not only for people 🤦‍♀️

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If this is the name, I am also guilty of this... I just can't help it and most times, I trade the situations with silence

I have a PTSD though...don't ask me what it is🙄

Although I am still trying to find a balance, I think it will be better if everyone could be a little this way.... That way, I'll be happier knowing that someone I'm sacrificing a lot for can actually sacrifice half of that even if not to me but to someone else

As for myself, I won't lie about it not giving me internal joy when I offer my help to people and bear the consequences on my own end but I still won't because of these negative impacts stop assisting when I can

My mouth will even say YES before I process the situation sadly

I'll leave by saying, if happiness is among the Triad of what you just listed that the only way to get real happiness and joy is from sacrificing yourself for others....
Not dying on the cross oh😂😂😂
But I believe you understand what I mean

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Haha I understand totally
I guess we can't fight it or let go of such thoughts about helping people against our will.

What's PTSD? 🙄

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Thank God you understand.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder... A spectrum that affects us after going through a particular experience and we don't want to encounter such again in life

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Hey there!
Your post is interesting. I think the advice from your friend was solid.
It's great to be conscientious and agreeable (not gullible), but being a people pleaser is not something that has much positive in my opinion:)
small KISS Gif.gif

Thanks for your #KISS
I enjoyed it 😉

lips sealed

speaking lips

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I agree with you, I can only keep having it in mind until I'm able to be less people pleaser and do things for myself and others on my own will.

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I understand you, because I used to do this all the time. And I got advised. No one is going to give you an award for always pleasing them, yes it’s good to do nice things for people and even go out of your way to do them, but you shouldn’t do them so often, you have to set a line. You’re not sugar hun, don’t go around trying to please everyone because they’ll use and overuse you any chance they get and you’ll only become sadder questioning your own self worth. Choose yourself, no one but you can do that for you.

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That is one powerful comment my dear, I appreciate the thought and advice
It's not going to be easy but I'll keep working on it.

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People pleasing (codependency) is actually a trauma response (the fawn reaction of the fight/flight stress response) and it's super destructive to our own growth and achievement.

Yes :(

Worth finding out more about. 👍🏻

I found it quite helpful when someone once said something like "you can't take care of or help anyone else if you aren't strong or well enough to support them."

i.e. to be the best you can be to help and support others you must take care of yourself first!

Or you'll maybe make yourself sick or weak and won't ge able to help or support anyone at all.

Take care of yourself, angel 💓

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I learnt so much from this comment of yours, I appreciate you stopping by 🙂

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Aw... I hope it helps support you somehow. You're a special lady. Take care of you!

Sending love ❤️

!LUV

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