My Awakening

During my undergraduate studies, my lecturer would always ask me “is that all?” anytime I answered questions and I would stand there looking at him, wondering how he knew there were four other answers in mind. He would say “Daniella I know you have other things in mind, I’m listening”. And he wasn’t lying.

Those days, behind anything I said were three others in mind. The problem was how disorganized they were, so I often found it hard to express them. For a while, my speech was obstructed by my chaotic thoughts. My mouth never knew what to say at what time. Hence, going for whatever I could lay my hands on. I knew there was nothing wrong with expressing my thoughts but I couldn’t confine the nitty gritty that shouldn’t come out of my mouth.

As an opinionated person, I had thousands of thoughts racing through my mind every second. In finding the balance between expressing my thoughts and filtering them, I sometimes got stuck. I usually missed the details of what actually needed to be communicated. And that become a setback.

My breakthrough came to me while watching the sunset at the beach. Have you ever watched a normal sunset? It is very quiet yet loud. You never see it coming but when it begins to hit, you have no option than to look at it. While looking at it, you get lost in it. At the beach, it’s way better. The moment you begin to watch the sunset, the loud waves from the beach don’t matter. It’s as if you’re in a trance and everywhere is still. And that is the power of observation.

I consider myself lucky because I got this remedy just when I began searching for it. That mindful practice I needed was observation. So I began to learn how to observe and discern. Naturally, after doing whatever observation I need to do, my mind filters my thoughts and then my mouth chooses the right words.

On a normal day, I have chaotic, racing and disorganized thoughts but the moment I start to observe, everything goes still. I get that psychological calmness I need to make me pay attention to people and situations. It is almost as if a new me has been birthed because eventually, I am able grasp unto the essentials of every matter and present my thoughts chronologically.

Anytime I find myself in situations where I have to ask myself “is that all?”, I pause to observe and discern. It helps me remember to organize my thoughts and analyze whatever is going on so I make better decisions. It took me a while to understand this power but I’m really glad I did.