Conflicted with secrets

The first day I read the messages shared between them, a part of me began to chip away.
The part of me that believed in true love, happy marriages and authenticity in marriage vows.

The next time I caught the both of them together, I was torn between telling her about what was going on or keeping it to myself to save the marriage and our family.

Now, under the pretext of staring into the mirror in the room that both of them share, I watch him as he facetimes her. Hmms, yes and okay are the only sounds coming from him as looks at the person on the screen. But from the reflection of the phone screen on the mirror, I can tell it's her.

I loved my dad so much before but with this his current behavior, my love for him is conflicted.
My dad and mom have been married for over 17years. He's cheating on her with one of her friends that live in our area.

When I saw a text my dad had sent to her,

*'Are you leaving already?
Have a great day love ❤️'

I felt betrayal, hurt and anger. Emotions I didn't know why they were there.

I was shocked and didn't know how to react so I waited to find out more about what was going on between them. I did.

I saw texts where he asked her to send a picture of herself and she sent one in her underwear. I took a picture of the picture and pictures of unfilial messages shared between them.

But I have no idea how to deal with all this and what to do with all of it. My mom has had a hard life and she doesn't need this right now. As it stands, being the only child, I am the only one who knows about it.

It is emotionally distressing. I tried talking to Talia, my best friend about it but she waved it off saying 'I think you're overthinking things Darcy dear. Your dad should know the right thing to do for his family. Be patient and don't do anything rash. Remember you're 18 already'

I took my time to see if I was overthinking things but soon enough, school resumed and there was no way I could confirm my fears. At school, I tried asking Emma what she would do if she ever caught her father cheating?

Her response was 'her father would never cheat. He wasn't that kind of person so there was no need for it.' I couldn't push further because it would seem suspicious and also, I also once felt the same way towards my father. That unwavering faith in his marriage to my mom. There was no need destroying her imaginations with my family's mess.

I called Sophia, a longtime friend I was comfortable sharing details like that with.
'Sophia, there's this lady my dad seems to be cheating on my mom with and I'm uncomfortable with it.'

'Ohh. That is none of your business. It shouldn't concern you after all, you're not his wife. Leave it to your mom.'

'But he's my dad' I said, raising my voice

'And so?! He's not your husband so let him be'

It went like that. The conversation yielded nothing. Maybe she was right. It shouldn't have mattered to me but it did. Confronting him was not an option because we weren't that kind of father-daughter duo.

The affair became the least of my priorities as time went by and soon enough, the academic session came to an end and I found myself back again. In the midst of it all.

And worse still, dad decided to throw a party for his forty-sixth birthday. A party she will be present at.

Dressed in a navy blue wrap dress with a thigh high slit, I stare, from across the room, as she whispers something to my mom. It must be something funny because it elicits a laugh and a response from her. I watch them both converse, comfortable in each others company and the fact that they both share the same man.

They both talk for a while till one of my aunts walk over to them and takes mom by the arm. Leaving her former companion alone to herself. After few minutes of standing alone, I notice she walks up to my dad who seemed to be standing alone at that moment. He smiles as soon as he sights her, taking her left hand in his and placing a kiss at the back of her palm. A gentlemanly gesture I presume. They stand closely together, talking and at intervals, glancing at my mom from where she stands.

This was our family now. Conflicted with secrets. I couldn't bear staring at any of them anymore. Talia was supposed to be present but she had an impromptu test fixed for tomorrow so she left for school this morning. There was nobody my age I could be with at the party so i decided to retire to my room.

Why feed my eyes with details of my dad's infidelity?

A knock at my door has me whipping my head towards it. Nobody's supposed to be here since the party was still in full swing. I walked to the door, opened it. Standing right there, was mom. The look on her face, one that said everything she felt but couldn't say. Unhappy, broken and tired.

She walked in and plopped herself on the bed. I joined her.

'I noticed you left the party. It must be so boring for you.' I smiled not because I related to what she had said but to ease the tension. We weren't so close but our relationship was better than that of me and dad's. We just didn't share too much details with each other.

"I saw you where you stood. You looked so pretty."
"Thank you mom"
"Darcy dear, I've been seeing your eyes these past few days. I want you to know some things are best left in the shadows where they are. As you grow, you realize that there are situations and circumstances you find yourself in, that you accept things the way they are and move on. Even if they're unfavourable to you. It's not for yourself but for those depending on you'.

She knew.
She knew about the affair and she knows that I know.
But why's she talking about keeping things the way they are?

"Excuse me ma'am. But your attention is needed downstairs" One of the servants from the party says to mom from the other side of the door.
"Give me a minute. I'll be right there" She responds.

"You are still very young. When you grow, I hope you'll understand me better." She says, placing her hand on one of my legs just as she stands and makes her way to the door.

I don't get the time to respond to everything she just said. I don't get the time to tell her I disagree. That she's wrong. I am not the reason why she is still with dad. She fears what people would say.

I might be just an 18year old girl but I know a cheating husband isn't one of the rules I'll bend for anyone.

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