Mother's Anxiety || Creative Nonfiction Writing Prompt #20

I wished I could replace my child during those moments of his pain and bear the pain for him; if it had been possible, I would have done it and would always do it when need be. Being calm in such a difficult moment wasn't easy for me as a mom; I was worried even when the doctors and nurses kept assuring me that my child would be well.

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I had undergone a ceaseran section while birthing my baby. Everything seemed fine after the surgery, it was my third CS, and I was recovering gradually. Then on the 5th day after birth, my doctor came and after thorough examination, he was satisfied with my healing progress and approved my discharge that same day. I was so much happy, I have missed my home, I missed my other kids who were calling every now and then to check on me and the baby. They have craved to behold their new baby and I didn't hesitate to inform them that I would be home that day after the written discharge.

About 15minutes later , while I was packing my loads already waiting for my husband to come pick us, a nurse came to my bed to say hello to my child and the story changed. She discovered that my baby had jaundice. What? This same jaundice I have taken the baby to peadiatric section and the doctors confirmed he was fine and had no juandice? I was down. She said, sometimes jaundice doesn't show up immediately and that if I know what will be good for me, I should calm down and treat my baby before going home. The whole talks sounded like a dream to me, I tried waking up from that dream but it was my reality. I quickly head back to peadiatric department again and the senior consultant screamed! "This baby has jaundice" , she quickly took some blood sample to run a test and the result shows a high percentage of bilirubin in his blood. The type that early morning sunlight cannot clear as I suggested but rather phototherapy light.

They admitted the baby immediately and put him in the phototherapy light, the intense kind of light only for children with severe cases of jaundice. They tied his eyes, naked him to only wear diapers. The heat was so much on my little one and I was so worried hearing him cry bitterly. I was instructed to be visiting him every 3 hours interval for breastfeeding and each time I visit, my baby was always crying. I felt for him, imagine passing through such pain at few days of his life on earth. After 48 hours, I was expecting that all will be fine with him, they run another lab test and discovered that the progress was slow. At this point, I couldn't stay calm anymore. I requested that they give me my child that I am done with them...to my greatest chargrin, the doctors refused. They said that some mothers neglect jaundice and it's one of illness that is capable of leading to child's death. I didn't process the grammar, I had made up my mind to leave the hospital to my home with confidence that my child would be fine. Not until my uncle who is a medical doctor put a call across to me, telling me that he heard that I am sturborn about my child's treatment. He lectured me on the implication of not getting the required treatment for him and I was calm. The treatment further lasted to another 48 hours and they confirmed that he was fine but.....

I noticed a kind of sound from him while breathing. I have noticed it on the second day after birth but it was mild, then I thought it's nothing but it became so pronounced after the jaundice treatment. I drew the doctors attention over his breathing and the sound he produces. The doctors checked him but couldn't find what was the cause, they suspected a condition which is rare to infants but sent me for an x-ray. This was another episode of my anxiety. Everyone that passes will look back to ask if it's my baby that breathes that way. If when I receive a call while breastfeeding him, the caller will over hear the sound and ask who is breathing that way. The noise he produces while breathing became so loud like a whistle and uncomfortable.

As a mother I was so worried for my child, I thought something was blocking his lungs or whatever but after the X-ray, the results shows that everything was normal. I returned back to the peadiatrician and she said that my child is suffering from laryngomalacia. She assured me that it's nothing to worry about and that the situation requires no medical treatment but will go away on it's own with time.

I returned home but many people who came to greet my new born complained of the breathing sound. Wherever I go with my child, people must question me about it and my anxiety increased. I rushed to two other hospitals and the doctors said the same thing after examination. They encouraged me to worry less as the breathing sound will go before or after his first birthday. I made Google my friend, browsing about my child's condition and getting worried the more over things I was reading.

At 8months, the sound that comes with the breathing was still there. I was already swimming in worries and doubting if the sound will eventually go as the doctors said. My son is one year and 9months today, permit me to confess that I didn't even realize when the whistle sound in his breathing finally stopped. All my anticipated worries were gone and my child is sound and healthy till date.

This is my entry to the inkwell non-fiction prompt #20. Click here to join the contest if you wish.

THANKS FOR READING!!!