THE INK WELL PROMPT #68 -THE LIGHT BEHIND THE SHADOW

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I don't want to dwell on my past, a lot of things have changed about me and sometimes I imagine the kind of magic that led me to my present situation, I can't even explain my transformation because I'm used to my new self, I'm not sure it's possible for me to have an answer If someone asks me how I can be so peaceful and happy because everything has become so natural. I Have made happiness to my natural states and why should I be miserable?

Joyful childhood

When I was a child, I live a carefree and joyful life, though my mother and father parted when I was 5 years old, and live with my siblings, my two older brothers. My father is still part of me even though I hardly see him, he was the one that made me try a different sport, and sometimes I do go bicycling with him.

As a child I was compatible with most of the boys at my age, cheerfulness has become one of my natural attributes. Life was very simple for me and the present moment was the most valuable treasure for me. One of the reasons why I was respected by my friends was because of my faithful legs, I was a good runner and my legs gave me dignity. My leg meant everything to me because they are my core of strength and pride...

The accident

But everything changed one fateful day, when I waw 10 years old, I was waiting for my best friend's birthday party, but before then, I went to a nearby shop to buy some snacks, there I meet some of my friends who wish for excitement so I decided to join them. We played hide and seek in an abandoned and fenceless construction that is very close to our house, we scouted around the place and make a silent move and we are all filled with excitement. Suddenly, one of my team mates jumped over a block of concrete that was supported by another, and I was facing the block, but before I knew what was happening, I was already on the ground face down. The block fell on my back but my hand and head were untouched, I tried to pull myself out with my hands, but it was hopeless, when my friend realize what was happening they ran to call an ambulance.

Before the ambulance came, I could not feel my leg anymore, everything felt so unreal with different memories flashing through my head, and I began to say I am sorry deep inside me when I thought of my closest friends because I thought I will die. When the ambulance came, They used big airbags to carefully lift the concrete block, and when I finally get out, my body looked so deformed.

I was diagnosed, and I also went through abdominal surgery and spinal surgery, it was discovered that I have a lot of broken ribs and the doctor told my parents that I would probably never walk again, but I wasn't moved by all these things, all I want at the moment is to rest and sleep. The accident changed my whole life completely, it was a day I will never forget.

The painful lost

My life has changed and my identity was slowly fading away while I was in the hospital, a boy who was turning into a leader is now turning into a fragile boy. When it was time to remove the plaster casts from my legs, I haven't seen my legs since the day the accident happened so I don't know what they will look like now, but when I finally have the chance to see them, my hope of continuing my normal life was shattered, I could not recognize my legs anymore because it was extremely atrophied, my self-confidence was lost that day, it was the most shocking moment of my life.

School and Relationship Issues

I depend on my mother for everything, she quit her full-time job in other to take care of me, at that young age, I could not understand how she feels and took it for granted. When it was time to go back to school, I was filled with insecurity, I feel so alienated and I find it difficult to associate with my classmate. My classmate treated me with less respect and I could remember the day a teacher told me I don't deserve special treatment because of my circumstances, I feel so sad with the statement. One of the painful moments was when one of my class mates said I deserve to have that accident and he make fun of my skinny legs but I learned how to suppress my emotions as hard as I could.

Not everything in my life was so gloomy, I still have friends who took me out for parties, but I always feel uncomfortable anytime I go out with them, but I am glad I'm still their friend, they were like my guardian who did not allow my light to vanish completely.

Light Behind the Shadow

I wanted to grow up and become independent like everyone else, going home with my mother after school become so devastating to me, she would want to talk to me, but I always stay quiet and she thought I don't care about her, but I could not just do anything about this. Sometimes I will lock myself up in my room and cry out my eyes. My self-destructive turned into a deep sadness " I don't deserve this, why will I stay in a wheelchair ?" I felt empathy towards myself. Deep down, I know it wasn't my fault.

At a point, I feel sorry for everything that happened to me and I also build the courage to forgive myself, I SAW THE LIGHT BEHIND THE SHADOW, which is a thing that I could not explain by words alone, I feel something powerful deep within me and I heard the voice of my heart tellung me " Believe in yourself and live!, Don’t give up! Life is precious“. A new day opened, I started to feel good, I knew there was still something to be discovered and I choose to stay strong.

Transformation

I started to notice some changes in my life, I stop escaping from my life and took responsibility, I become more active and took part in some activities at school, and I also became friendly with a guy who is also in a wheelchair. I got to understand that being in a wheelchair didn't define me but was challenging. My perspective changed and I became more positive about my life and learned to feel gratitude for every small thing in life.

As time went by, my relationship with others people transformed, my class mate are not mean to me anymore and everything look brighter. Then I got to know that everything good start with self believe and motivation, with the decision to be brave. But I've experienced a lot of suffering before I could realize this, but I'm still grateful. My dream is to be able to run again, though it might seem crazy, I feel happiness in every situation, and this happiness can create a miracle.

         Thanks for visiting my blog.

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