Look before you leap

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I have always had my reservations about divorced men.

The thing is, men from this part of the world would always blame their wife for infidelity as the cause of them getting a divorce, either that or they will blame the woman for not giving them peace of mind and attempting to poison them.

These men never feel that it's their fault that their marriages fail. On the other hand, we have women who would always want to feel like the Messiah that will save the man from a bad wife or a failed marriage. The irony of it all is that such women often meet the same faith as the wife who has gone.

You know, there is a popular saying in the Western region of Nigeria, which goes… “the cane used to whip the first wife, will always be reserved for the second wife.”

Some time ago, this really wealthy man was coming for me. He should be times two my age or there about. When we got talking, he told me about is divorced and went straight to the point that he doesn't want to mess around with me but go straight to marriage.

“How long have you been divorced?” because I wasn't understanding the rush to settle down with someone he just met.

“About 2 years now, we have finalized all divorce proceedings and given the caliber of man that I am, it won't tell well that I'm seen around with different women”

At this time, we haven't met physically, it was first an online thing and after several toasting and what not, I thought he seemed ok, so I agreed to meet with him.

I was still in Uni then for my second degree so we met at the fast food not too far from campus and I must say he was stunned to meet with me

As I walked towards him at the parking lot, he went… “Wow!, the delectable Eseoghene, so I finally get to meet with you? I must confess you look more beautiful in person”

He continued: “Do you model? Because I must confess you are giving the Naomi Campbell vibes”...

I on the other hand, was trying to not let my guard down by being carried away with the praises, so I just let out few smiles here and there.

We got into the restaurant and went straight to order, I placed my order and just went right back to pressing my phone, the next thing I heard was…

“Are you mad? Do I look like your mate? You this little rat, dirty little gutter girl even my last child is older than you.” I raised my head to see him in bloodshot eyes oozing rage as the nerves on his forehead became visible partitioning to several sections.

The girl tried to speak, but then he yelled some more, “Don't you ever speak to me in such manner again, don't try it to disrespect me like that, else I'll see to it that you lose your job”

I was confused as to what's going on because for that split seconds I ordered to when he started fuming, I didn't hear the girl be disrespectful with her words. I only knew he ordered for watermelon juice and the girl told him to wait let her get done with the task she has at hand first.

Immediately I knew we will not work out and he will not be seeing me again. So after the outing, I cut all forms of communications with him, and he didn't bother reaching out until I saw after almost a year that he has remarried.

I went on with my life and never contacted him again, but we remained friends on my FB and he seldom comments on my post.

Then one day, barely a year after he was married, he came to my inbox to spark up another cordiality. We got talking again but nothing on relationship level, just friendship.

On Independence Day, he called that he wants to take me out to celebrate the birthday of my country since we were both pro-Nigeria, that's how we became friends on Facebook in the first place.

I agreed to meet for lunch and gave him a close by location where I can walk down to meet as he insisted on coming to pick me.

We got on a car ride, and he first took me to have some ice cream, we were talking, and then he put his hands on my lap, I wasn't comfortable as I looked at his hand on my lap then back at him.

He respected himself and took off his hand then went, “I am divorced again”. A long silence ensued before I could find words to string together and then asked, “What happened this time around?”

He looked at me and then said she was a nymphomaniac who wanted to kill him before his time, especially as he's a bit aged. He went further to say the marriage did not last a month as they separated immediately after they came back from honeymoon.

I just went “hmmm it is well as words failed me.” We got on our date and everything went well. No scene and no drama, but he got on with the marriage talk and I told him plain that I'm not ready to rush into anything. He said he understands, and he won't rush me, I should take my time.

At that point, I thought this man was actually turning a new leaf and maybe we could have a tiny bit of chance together but boy was I wrong.

We met again for a movie, by now we've been keeping in touch quite often too. After purchasing the ticket, he asked that I go pick up any snacks of my choice, and I was craving pies then so I went straight and started ordering varieties of them.

Just as my order was about to be wrapped, he came fuming, as he waved his hands both ways speedingly illustrating disapproval, "babe no! no! you cannot embarrass me like this, what sort of cheap snacks are these? What's your problem? Did I tell you I'm poor and can't afford you a Pizza or something more expensive? Please return it because I am not paying for them."

"But this is what I feel like eating," I responded as calmly as I could because we both can't be mad at the same time.

He responded with an "I don't care."

I smiled, I immediately understood that parable of why a Leopard will always remain a Leopard because of its spots.

Hence, the saying "a leopard can never change its spot."

We did get the pizza, then icecream and after that days outing, when he came with the marriage talk again, I told him proper that I cannot marry him.

Next, he unfriended me on FB and we all moved on happily ever after.

Thank you for reading 🙂