To find happiness is to look inward

“Are you happy with your life?” The question lingered in my mind, like an oud perfume, throughout Friday. I’ve been constantly asking myself in order to figure out if I’m truly happy in this life.

On Saturday morning, sunlight spilled through the curtains in my room, it was warm and golden. I curled up on the bed under my wrapper and the dry air of the harmattan blended with cold. For a moment, I thought everything was perfect. I wanted to stay in bed all morning. But as the day unfolded, the perfection began to unravel and the demand to start my day crept in.

“Ughh..I have content to shoot,” I reminded myself. The thought of setting up my corner for filming for my small YouTube channel and my hair care line’s end-of-year campaign felt overwhelming. Hormones from my monthly cycle didn’t help, nor did the network in my room.

In frustration, I took pictures instead of the ton of content to shoot, changed into another outfit and left for a place with better reception.I needed to upload a video on my YouTube channel and also to screen record a demo video for my friend on how to navigate Hive. She had just got introduced to hive and I needed to put her on the basic things.

Amid the chaos, a neighbor stopped by to chat. Learning I was a corp member, he kindly gifted me a tuber of water yam and a bottle of palm oil. It was a small but profound gesture, especially in these times when the cost of living has skyrocketed in the country. At that moment, I was reminded of the beautiful kindness life can offer.

By afternoon, I went back home, washed a few clothes, and had my bath. Then I settled to eat garri paired with ripe bananas. I bought them on my way home.

After eating, I laid on my bed, picked up my phone to binge watch k-drama.I zoned out completely a few minutes into the movie, my mind was on the stack of work that I needed to do. I needed to draft my weekend experience for Saturday, write a copy for my brand’s end of the year sales, shoot multiple video campaigns, edit raw videos on my phone, cook and do other petty chores around the house and above all, I needed to rest.

Amid all of the thought and actions, I decided to rest for 40 minutes. I did my go-to “operation no phone for 40 minutes, close my eyes even if sleep isn’t coming.” It is my second best thing to do after journaling whenever my head is clouded with confusion and overthinking. So, I set my alarm and closed my eyes.

Later that evening, I sat by the window, watched the sun set. The cool breeze from outside reminded me that I needed to collect my clothes from the line. As I walked towards the door again, I thought - Was I happy? Could I be content with moments like these, or was I chasing an undefined “more”? The questions left me overthinking again.

I raised my eyes and saw the golden sun. It was so beautiful that I tried to capture it on my phone. Neglecting my clothes to follow the rays of sun to get a perfect picture gave me some clarity to the question on my mind. To be happy is to follow one’s playful inner child.

Sunday brought more clarity. In the morning, from my bed, I heard the sound of my housemates, their laughter filled the small living room and it was like music to my ears. I got up to make breakfast and the aroma of the stew made with fresh tomatoes, crayfish and cow skin was heavenly.

For a while, I felt free with no burden, stretching back to the days when my biggest worries were exams and curfews. But even in the joy of the liberation, I felt something, a longing for more of these moments, more meaning to life and purpose.

By Sunday afternoon, I stood back to admire my shoot corner that I’ve been avoiding since Friday. My little content creation gadgets - my 14 inches ring light and my cute phone tripod stand, my neatly arranged notebooks (journals) on the plastic chair and I’m reminded of how much I love these things and how I love my life while working with them. There are other things I do with my life that I completely love but being attracted to the things I got tired of felt like victory.

Walking along the street later, the cool evening air on my skin and the smell of dried leaves due to harmattan haze reminded me to slow down. I can’t always do it all at once. In fact, happiness isn’t a destination, it’s a process and it’s felt in the likes of these small moments that make up our day.

Well, the questions remained: Am I happy? Do I think there’s room for improvement? Yes to both. Life is a balance! A constant balance between being grateful and growing. The key is finding joy in the present while holding space for the possibilities of the future.

All the pictures attached are mine. I took them with iPhone XR.

Thank you for reading my weekend experiences.

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