It was never a love at first sight, basically, it took me a year and a few months of realizing there could be strings attached to what I felt for Mister A (permit me to use that😄😉)
When we initially met and started talking, we argued over even the slightest issue a lot, who should be the one winning the arguments and who should be at the losing end and just let peace reign. A few times, I decided to give in and let things slide but other times I just wouldn't, yeah, the stubborn girl in me just couldn't let him win some arguments a few times so he usually bid my wishes and let me win though on a scale of 100%, most times I was 80% right about whatever we argue on and other times, he was but he just succumbs to let peace reign.

Amidst our constant and timely arguments, fights, long night conversations, and interest in each other's life came the strings that kept building up for months and we had no idea. And on the ground of friendship, this continued until one faithful night, we decided to spell out things and admit that we weren't just the normal friends we thought we initially were, perhaps things changed along the way and we needed to clear those misconceptions and define exactly what it was that was going on between us.
And for the very first time in my entire life as a human being and as a girl, I asked a guy what exactly we were doing or what exactly he wants from me, and it took him another hour of silence to eventually give me the response.
At this point it was already obvious we both liked each other and perhaps wanted something more than just friendship but you know, like the fundamental of the law of physics, (pardon me, I wouldn't state it, make your research if you don't know the law) it felt like something was repelling the two of us from advancing or becoming something other than just friends.

Prior to these happenings, I already emphasized and had always emphasized about not wanting to start a relationship with someone and I gave my reasons for not wanting that, I mean it was gonna be my first and I needed to prepare extremely well for it, so I thought 😂 I didn't wanna get into any relationship mess and drama so I dreaded the talk of relationships and stayed far away from it.
He knew this and could understand my body language so when I finally realized I liked him and could have wanted something more than friendship, I throw the above question; what do you want from me...Friendship! was the response I got after minutes of deliberating on it.
Did it hurt to hear those words? After finally wanting to have something to do with someone? Yes, of course, maybe a bit but it was nothing, I already understood where he was coming from and why he said that.

Funnily enough, after that day, he started making his intentions known and even louder with words and actions but I wasn't reciprocating this on one part (Words). I never said the words, and till this very day, but from his confessions, my actions were louder enough but still, saying the words would have still been good don't you think? Sad, how I was too stingy with words 😂 not my fault so don't blame me too much.
Mister A could have been a great partner if you ask me, I don't really think he was lacking in many areas, though he wasn't the perfect description or a perfect being but being in love makes you feel or see the one you love as the perfect one for you.
Talk of looks, he was good. Talk of a career, he had a focus, speak of spirituality? You have him there, patience? Topnotch, kindness, generosity? He did his best. Could there have actually been anything I didn't appreciate about this being? Oh well, maybe his skin color 😂😂💔 but that was on a lower note. I have a thing for dark skin dudes but he was light skin but that wasn't even a problem.

Everything went smoothly, I mean our friendship but then it was on another level. If there is anything like; Lovers Friendship😂😂💔
We met a few times, did I mention he was mesmerized on our first meeting? I mean who wouldn't? I am a spec and more😂😂 (on a lighter note)
From there we got to meet and either discuss certain stuff or just hang out to enjoy the peace and solitude.
Slowly we got closer and get to know each other much better and not just online but offline and behind the screen.
I believe everything went well though we had a few arguments sometimes, it was our normal thing and we knew how well to handle and deal with it, with him always being patient and apologetic (actually, it takes a patient person to condone my excesses😩😢).
And then suddenly I went to college and the whole crash landing began; I fell out of love

Falling Out Of Love

It wasn't so easy with all the distractions if you ask me, I got busy with school work and everything, and only had time at night when I returned. And during those hours I spent them doing one assignment or the other, reading or sleeping, especially sleeping. I take my sleeping hours or better still, my beauty sleep very important. I was never nocturnal, he knew this and it took me sacrificing those times to spend the night talking and keeping long conversations with him but after starting college I couldn't do those anymore, the little time I had, I just had to read and rest to be able to function well the next day in school. Slowly we drifted apart, no! Actually, I drifted away, not onto another person but I just drifted. I wasn't feeling all the love in my heart again. I tried figuring out what was wrong or what went wrong but I couldn't find any. I knew I wasn't falling for someone else, I had no one occupying my heart so why was it difficult to still connect like before?

Don't tell me I didn't even love him in the first? Or could it have been my issue of losing interest easily? The moment I start liking someone and seeing them as more than just a friend, I tend to lose interest sooner or much later, I don't know why so don't even ask me.
I guess this was the problem then but I never realized it until recently.

The truth is, love didn't go wrong, I just fell out of love and it wasn't something I could do anything about, and I never regretted knowing or meeting that personality. We still talk a few times, and he is still kind enough to do his thing; rendering help when needed as he said is his thing, and recommending me to a few awesome opportunities out there.
Good people are hard to come by, one who genuinely love you with no pressure or being too demanding like what our corrupt world is now, and yes, I can proudly say, I never shared a hug with the beloved one😂 don't give me that look, I am this reserved, but I guess I am slowly breaking that fallow grounds 😂💔

This is my love story, my first, and last for now cause this baby girl has been in square one since then😂. I hope I didn't bore you with my long talks.
Do well to share your experience and love story with us, I personally love invading and reading into people's love life lol.

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               10 May 2022
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                 Tuesday