Slowly Changing

Back in the day, I used to be convinced that I was a complete introvert, the kinda guy who only spoke the loudest using my keyboard, ranting online but never face to face. But now, things happening around and to me is starting to make me think that maybe all isn't lost and I might be changing afterall.

And the reason why I say that is because ever since I left home, I realized that being an introvert was kinda like being at the bottom of the foodchain in the outside world because you get to miss a lot of stuff just because you refuse to speak up.

Anyways, I had gone to visit a friend of mine at his home the other day. This guy had recently moved to a new apartment and this was my first time going there. I had gone with another friend, and about fifteen minutes after we got there, I felt like leaving.

_{photo by Juanita Swart}

This was because he had moved to an area where there was literally no one in it. The whole place was so quiet and lonely that I was convinced that if I had screamed out loud, it would have echoed back to me.

It was at that moment that I noticed that the old me was probably not here anymore, because there used to be a time where a place like this was like paradise to me, where all I wanted was to be left alone for as long as possible.

But surprisingly, thinking about living that kinda life now kind of terrifies me. I remember I had looked at my friend and told him bluntly that I didn't like the environment and how quiet it was.

I told him that although there are times when all I want is to be by myself with my thoughts, I honestly think this form of solitary was a bit too much for me. Because in as much as I still don't say much in public, I've come to the realization that I enjoy being in the midst of people and just listen to them talk.

I honestly don't know why, but something about just being present there, gives me this satisfaction that makes me feel like one of those people, and almost as if I am contributing to the conversation.

We had stayed for another fifteen minutes before I decided that I couldn't take it anymore and said my goodbye to him before leaving. Honestly, I doubt I will be going back there anytime soon, but I'm also glad I went because it made realize just how much I don't wanna be alone anymore.