Tough & Tender

I ask myself how I even managed under my mother, because I surely planned my escape more than a dozen times as a child. She took no nonsense, yet she balances it out with abundant love. Seeing how well that turned out for all of us—her upbringing—I know I'll apply similar things when parenthood comes.

A good example is a stunt I pulled when I was about 4 years old and how she handled it. Doing homework so late into the night and using candlelight to see was torture to me. As a self-employed ex-toddler, I cherished my nighttime for anything other than work. But that was the only time Mom could attend to me.

So I did a little math. If there's no homework, then that simply means no torture at night. Then I got to work. One day, they gave us no homework. Told mom, but she thought it was odd. "Odd?? Nah. It's just one of those days, ma." I thought to myself. And so did I enjoy a well-deserved night of rest. Case closed.

The next day, during dinner, she asked about the homework again. Before I could say Jack, something landed on my back—three times in a second. Turned out my plan wasn't foolproof, and she found my homework under the living room couch. I ran out and cried out to my father in heaven, "Why have you forsaken me?"

How could a boy that young be that cunning? She had to perform some factory reset that night. And as usual, she pulled me close with love later that night.

Now it wasn't all about whooping my ass when it came to discipline for my mom. It wasn't even regular. She just never hesitated to reprimand her boys when necessary. And that helped me understand many things quickly enough, such as respect and responsibility. It just had to come with tough love sometimes.

Tough love may just sometimes come with physical reprimand, as it is over here. I believe effectively communicating when you reproach kids is very important, so they at least understand the reason for the disapproval of their actions. But sometimes, for the ones that prove stubborn or unwilling to learn to do better, I consider using physical reprimands or punishments to effect desired behavioural change.

I would rather give a child a pep talk so they understand how to do better. The thing is, it may not exactly cut it in some situations. I think that sometimes they have to undergo certain punishments, like the very interesting ones in the military school I attended. Other times, it could be "Raise up that hand," and one or two strokes may follow.

Even though I haven't yet experienced the full scope of parenthood, I at least understand that it is a full-time job. That I would be fully responsible for someone's upbringing and many of the values they'll grow up with. To then not tackle crucial moments with care and responsibility wouldn't be true love, like when a kid needs to learn by correction.

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