The voices Unbearable

I have always been a person who loves the peace and harmony in her surrounding. I don’t remember any time when I felt bored or alone in solitariness. Instead, the feelings are other way around. I enjoy the focus and depth offered by the solitude. I feel myself to be more productive which adds to the positiveness in my mood and personality.

All this doesn’t mean that I am an introvert who wants to avoid the social life. I am not. I am an Ambivert I love to talk too. I love to listen as well. However, I don’t enjoy continuing it for a very long time. I need the breaks of solace for keeping my cognitive abilities work at their best.

Moreover, I cannot keep up with all kind of voices. Certain voices make me feel uncomfortable in a few minutes. I cannot bear high volume music. My body starts reacting to it. For certain music and songs, the reaction is quite aversive. My heart starts beating faster and I feel a lack of oxygen (breathing becomes difficult). At times, I feel nausea too.

I also face a troublesome mental reaction when I am exposed with certain voices repeatedly. For instance, an unwanted song being heard again and again. Amidst my sleep I wake up with the voice (of the song) in my head and that voice causes difficulty in falling asleep again. I feel like it has just been played right into my ears.

It not only interrupts my sleep but also the peace when I am awake. While performing my daily tasks, the voice keeps echoing in my head. And if the music of the song didn't harmonize with the rhythm of my heart, I encounter additional physiological symptoms such as nausea and an elevated heart rate.

In Pakistan, there are usually large gatherings at the events marriages. The relatives from all around the country gather for many days at the house of the event organiser. Whenever, we had such gatherings I would experience unusual emotional occurrences. Contrary to my normal calm and composed personality, I would become a touchy person. I felt like crying for no reasons. I couldn’t explain the reason of my behavior to myself. It just happened to me and I couldn’t help. The best I could do was to not react aggressively but the crying was evident.

It took me a considerable time to unravel the rational behind my unconventional reactions. The epiphany occurred while engrossed in a television play. It inadvertently facilitated my comprehension. Subsequently, I deduced that the catalyst for my unusual emotional reactions was the pervasive noise pollution. The revelation brought clarity to my experience.

The realization prompted me to find strategies to mitigate the impact of environmental noise on my emotional well-being. I would search for a peaceful and solitary place for getting rid of the noise effect the noise would make on me.

My single life was going well after this understanding. However, the things turned upside down after my wedding. I got married to a man living in a joint family. There were ample amount of voices. Loud and unwanted voices. I have already written about them in an older post of mine, titled Aaaaaaaaaaa, Voices..........!. I was dragged to live in the circumstances of noise pollution where I would hardly find a spot of solitude and peace. There was no way out and above that, I was supposed to live with a smile on my face.

Though, some changes in the household last year have decreased the amount of voices to some extent. They are not totally up to my mark. There are kids watching videos with high volume, speaking loudly and making noise in several other ways. After a period of time my physiology and psychology starts reacting to them.

Unfortunately, my own boys speak quite loudly and they talk too much. I request them to speak in a low voice but after a short while they forget what I asked them.

The day when it’s a holiday and both of them are home, I start feeling like the storms are literally running in my head.

I keep on guiding them about the importance of low voice but they don’t seem like taking it into consideration. Perhaps it is the effect of environment on them. Whatsoever! I have to live with an unwanted noise. To keep my sanity intact, I take deep breaths and pray for the surrounding to be more peaceful.

The day I find silence in my surrounding, my heart feels like dancing with joy.

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The post is my participation for Hive Learner’s featured contest.

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