Broken hearts: sadness

Love is really a beautiful thing if you get the right person but with the wrong person, love can be a living hell.

I don't know what to do currently and it seems like I am confused but the light i can see in this dark tunnel is trying to be happy. I don't know how I allowed a girl destroy my emotional balance to the extent of always thinking about her instead of thinking about how to plan and achieve my plans.

My relationship has been holding up in a thin thread and most times, it feels like I am the only one putting in efforts to stich it. Without a doubt, I used to be a player and I always womanize but in a very respectful manner.

A year ago, I decided to look into my life and talk to myself about womanizing because I am trying to lead a responsible life. After discussing with myself, I told myself that I will have to stop womanizing and focus on dating. Before becoming a womanizer, I tried dating which did not last for 3 months because the lady I was dating was focused and loved irresponsible lifestyles which I am the opposite of.

After talking to myself, I decided to settle down with one lady and I created a new belief for my self which is "one man for a woman" not knowing that this would be the greatest mistake I will ever make. I started dating again on the 7th of July 2022 and it was very much beautiful at he beginning. Then, I had many people crushing on me and some of them even licked up courage to tell me but I personally don't like I when a lady ask me out on a date because it feels awkward to me.

Irrespective of everything, I decided to date this one girl and it was really beautiful. Our love Shaked the entire school and the rumors of we dating reached out to even our neighboring school. People saw us as an example and also decided to stop womanizing or chasing different men, and they started being serious with dating.

Me and my girlfriend impacted a lot to each other and we brought out the best out of love, little did I know that no good thing last forever. I could sacrifice anything for her but in thing she always does was choosing her friends over me. We would make a plan together but if her friend make plans with her, she will ditch our plans and go out with her friends. She did it first and I payed deaf ears to it, then she did it again and again. I could remember some months back when she left me on a sick bed to go out and sleep outside with her friend in another man's house. She pleaded with me which I forgave her first, and she did it again when I was seriously sick and had to take an infusion. She came back be next day and appologised, which I foolishly accepted.

We continued with the relationship until few weeks ago when I had to travel to imo state Nigeria in other to work out money which I will use to settle some fees. I told her about it and she reluctantly agreed for me to leave.

When I left, she was calling to check up on me which I appreciated. At times I will not pick her calls because I was at work, after which I will call her but wouldn't be able to continue the call due to I was stressed out. We continued like that for two weeks while I was in imo state, not knowing that she was doing different stupid things with other people. When I came back, I saw where she called me her ex when chatting with another guy and I was dumbfounded. It pained me to be honest but I decided to ask her and she came up with different excuses as usual. I still forgave her as the gool I was.

I decided to talk to her last week about our relationship and we talked diverse things then got to the problems, which we brought out solutions for. After that, she told me that she would be goin to Enugu on a Sunday for her Grandma's burial and me knowing the Igbo culture very well, I know that they rarely bury someone on a Sunday. When I asked her, she made up excuses and I allowed her go. On that Sunday, I called her in the morning but she didn't pick up, I called during midmorning but still no answers, then I called her roommate and she told me that my girlfriend went out to bring her clothe box. I was cool with it and I told her roommate to tell her that I called. her roommate told her I called but still, she did not call me back and left for Enugu without me seeing her. I became restless because I have been calling her since morning but she did not pick up my call. I called back her roommate and she told me that she already told her that I called. That was when I knew that something was wrong and she has continued with her old way of life. I was restless and annoyed but I tried to hold myself. Throughout that day, I called more than 50times but to no avail. At a point, she was on another call.

I tried as much as possible to use distraction therapy on my self which worked. The next day, I refused to call her and she too didn't call back. After two days, she called me and was appologising as usual but me? I have had enough and what I told her was for us to take a break from the relationship. I told her to go think of herself, if she really wants to be in a relationship with me or not but she was bent on begging me to forgive her. I just left her to think about herself and the relationship and to be very honest, I personally don't think I can continue with such a relationship. I am tired of everything. I was crying over a girl at my age, and this is a big abomination to my personality. I should be crying over my future not a girl.

I am just waiting for her to finish thinking, then I will tell her that I have already moved, then give her words if encouragement so she too can move on.
At this juncture, I don't think I can continue having relationships, all I will do is to try to find happiness in a good way but not going back to my previous life of womanizing.

Thank you for reading through my post, I hope to see you next time.