Swinging Emotions

It's crazy how our emotions play games with us right?
I mean you could like or love someone but not enough to be in any form of intimate relationship with them.
I don't know what kind of love this would be called, it's not agape kind of love but one that has to do with romance, yet again not strong enough to be accepted
What am I saying? I feel I don't even understand myself at times because I can't accept the junks of emotions piled up inside of me.

At one point I am all bubbling and crazy about someone but the next moment they feel like a nightmare to me and this cycle continues and seems it is never ending.
I have had a personal conversation with myself, I've reached out to a few people about it as well but none seem to really understand what it is I am going through and it's so difficult to try to explain to someone that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you but rather you just cannot process your emotions better.

I've looked back at all the emotions I have bubbling inside of me and I've drawn my conclusions on most of them but in a few seconds these conclusions I made changes drastically, I am either going all the way back into these deep rooted confused feelings or I am angry at myself and wanting to run and escape from it.
I am tired! I am lost for word, I don't feel right and I don't feel anything is wrong either.
I just feel I am not just in the best of mood to know or decide what it is I really want for myself.
A lot of emotions are piling up and I am trying my very best to filter the things I need and don't need so as not to make mistakes in my choices
Ouch! I hope you didn't try to make any sense out of this, I am here just trying to make a point and a way out on my own and so I am thinking and writing out loud.

It's been a while by the way, I am believing that we are still enjoying the space and doing our very best to remain here and keep striving.
Do not mind me, I might disappear again for the next couple of weeks or even months, as it has become a norm for me lol 😂
See you when next we converse again, bye!

^Image

                 19 October 2024