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Nigeria is a very interesting country with very interesting people.
Infact the reason why Nigeria is so known is because of the quality of people it produces.

As a people, Nigeria fulfils all criteria of awesomeness.
But as a country...

Let's just say; if the world was the human body,
Nigeria would be the ass.

If you rank all the countries in the world, Nigeria would probably rank in the bottom half of 90% of all major sectors.
And today we're going to be dissecting Nigeria's performance in one of these sectors – FIRE SAFETY.

When we talk about fire safety, we're not just talking about firemen rushing in and pouring water on burning buildings like in movies.

No.

Fire safety involves many levels and measures and I'm going to be doing an analysis that absolutely no one asked for on how Nigeria performs in each of these levels.

There are three levels we're going to be addressing:

• Personal fire safety
• Domestic fire safety
• Government regulated fire safety

So without further ado, it's time for the breakdown.

PERSONAL FIRE SAFETY

This revolves around the control of an individual's ability to start fires and the prevention of fires started by earlier mentioned individual.

So then, how can an individual start fires?

The most common individual causes of fire around the world are:

1. Fireworks
2. Gender reveal parties
3. Arson

I would've included electrical faults but our electricity supply is too poor for that to be an issue

•FIREWORKS

Fireworks – or as Nigerians call it – "banger", are decorated explosives that are used in festivities and celebrations.
Now, apart from the fact that there is really nothing to celebrate in this country, fireworks themselves are a dwindling commodity.

Even in huge celebrations like Christmas and New Year, you can barely see or hear fireworks anymore.

Nigerians are just not happy, so messing around with bang bang sticks is the last thing on our mind.

•GENDER REVEAL PARTIES

Yea, Nigerians don't do this shit.

•ARSON

Arson is the act of intentionally starting a fire to cause damage to property.

One thing I want to bring out from this;
Arson requires fuel.

Now, if you're a Nigerian and you've been living here for the past few months, you'd know that arson is not a possibility at all.

With the cost of fuel, every drop of precious.
I refuse to believe that an actual working Nigerian would actually buy fuel with his money and go and use it to burn property?

After queuing for 3 hours and spending thousands to fill a 5 litre keg, any thought of arson will leave his mind.

In terms of personal fire safety, Nigerians score an A+.
And it's not because we're particularly educated in preventive measures and stuff,

We're just extra paranoid. Proof is our Nigerian mums always shouting at us when we take phone near gas cooker or generators. (I almost had my ass whooped for this, that's how serious it is)

So we stay away from fire as much as possible because we know no one will help us if something happens.

We barely even have fire insurance. If you pick 10 random Nigerians and ask them if they have fire insurance, 9 of them will say no and the 10th person will ask you what fire insurance means.

DOMESTIC FIRE SAFETY

This has to do with fire safety around the house and the workplace.
And for this one,
Nigerians score a whopping zero.
This might sound harsh but it's the truth.

When you think about domestic fire safety, you think about fire extinguishers, sprinklers, fire alarms, fire drills and so on.

These are not just words you hear in Nigeria.

I've been to several places here and fire extinguishers are rarer than an honest politician. In other words, they are virtually non existent.

The few ones I have seen are abandoned and covered in dust thicker than an advanced mathematics textbook.

And don't get me started on fire drills

The only fire drill we have here is that everyone collectively knows that when there's fire, we shout "FIRE" and run away as fast as we can.
It's so bad, that our defenses against a domestic fire outbreak is a bucket of water and sand.

GOVERNMENT REGULATED FIRE SAFETY

I'm in my twenties and not once have I ever seen an actual fire truck or a fire hydrant.
I don't even think firemen exist in Nigeria.
Is that an actual job here?

I need to know.
I'm actually not kidding,
If you're in Nigeria and you know an actual fireman here.

Please connect me, I need to interview that person.

Nigeria's government regulated fire safety has gotta be the worst

Every footage of buildings burning I've ever seen is the same.

-Building on fire

-People surround it while spewing NPC dialogue ("oh no" "what happened" "it's hot o")

-Building burns to ashes

-Everyone goes their way.

No fire safety service, no firemen.

Grading this category,
Zero is too high for Nigeria.
Nigeria didn't even turn in a script.

That's how bad it is.

CONCLUSION

Ironically, Nigeria has the worst fire safety, but we have very few fires.
Countries like America have arguably the best fire safety program in the world, and every other day there's a fire somewhere.

Isn't that funny.

And as I said earlier, we're also extra careful because we know no fire safety service will come to our aid.

But I hope it gets better soon.

But before then, be careful with fire and watch yourself around thing that can cause deadly fire like gas, and me.
Because I'm so hot yunno😌

Thank you for reading.

Stay buzzing,

Maximus✍🏾