CAN I BEAT THESE ANIMALS IN A FIGHT?

Source

Humans are weak.
Compared to other animals, we suck.

Ants can lift 100 times their own weight.
Tigers have night vision.
Birds can fly so they're already overpowered.
What do humans have... Eyebrows? What good will those do.

The only reason why we haven't gone extinct is because out brains are highly developed and even at that, we're still not the smartest because apparently to science, dolphins are smarter.

So how then are we at the top of the food chain? it's simple, we have a combination of a highly developed brain and our evolved limbs.

This enabled us to be able to develop weapons which in turn we used to take over the world.
But without weapons, what are we?

Without weapons, can our physical ability alone be enough to make us survive in a world filled with apex predators?

HELL NO

We'd die off like flies.

But that doesn't mean all animals will be able to take us down.
But what animals can we take down based on physical ability only?

To answer that question, we'd need to conduct some mental experiments. The average human is probably too weak to survive any of this so we have to pick a person that has reached the peak of human evolution, and that person is...

Chuck Norris.

But Chuck wasn't available so we had to go with the next best thing... me.

So the way it's gonna go:

A random animal will be listed and I will drop my expert analysis on why I can and can't beat them up in a fight.

DISCLAIMER: I won't list obvious animals like rabbits or insects. That's too easy.

Let's begin!

OCTOPUS... yep

Now octopuses.. octopi... whatever

They have 8 arms and they have camouflage

Now normally you'd think 8 arms mean they can fight

but noo

If they could fight, why are they always being cooked and added to sushi?

Weak ass creatures.

I could definitely beat up an octopus.

I win this battle. Low difficulty.

TURKEY... nope

Ever since I've been a child, I've always been scared by these things.
Have you seen their eyes?

There is always bloodlust there.
If they were humans, each and every turkey would be a hardened criminal.

And I think the most eerie thing about them is the fact that they fear nothing.

Hold a knife, they'll run towards you.
Hold a gun, they'll chase you.

That's too much courage for a flightless bird.

I'd probably lose against these creatures.

SWORDFISH... yep

They don't even have real swords.
All they have is a pointed nose.

Sure it's sharp, but unicorns also had sharp horns and where are they now

that's right
they're all dead

And don't tell me unicorns never existed
If something like a platypus or a giraffe can exist,
then a horse with a horn is not too far fetched.

Anyways, swordfishes suck.
I win. No difficulty.

TORTOISE... nope

There's a reason these things live up to 150 years.

You don't mess with them.

They were too powerful, that evolution had to just nerf them by making them slow.

A tortoise's shell can withstand thousands of pounds of pressure.

Me,
I stub my toe and I almost die.

Not only that, but they have one of the strongest bite force of any herbivore.

Omo

Yeah...
Can't beat this one up.

ANYTHING FROM AUSTRALIA... Nope

Do I even need to elaborate...
Someone said Australia is where the devil keeps his pet and that is the truest thing I've ever heard.

These people have centipedes that are bigger than my arm and spiders the size of windows.

And those are just the insects!

No way
Not only will I not fight anything from Australia, I'd run away if I ever see them.

WOLF... yep

Like...
these are basically dogs.

And I can definitely beat dogs up.
Except for Chihuahuas.
those things are demons.

But yeah, wolves are easy

all I gotta do is train it with a bone.

"pss, here boy, who's a good boy"

that's all I have to say and the wolf shall be tamed

easy peasy.

CONCLUSION

Humans are weak...

but I am not

Any animal that I can't beat, you probably can't beat either.

That being said,
if you wanna read more about me hypothetically fighting animals, let me know.

Thank you for reading,

Stay buzzing.

Maximus.