Are You Parenting or Just Paying The Rent?

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My own mother used to be a traveler. She was so busy and a workaholic that she never had time for me as her only child and daughter. The only time she returns home was during the weekend, and that happens once in a blue moon. Sometimes I am lucky enough to set my eyes on her and other times I’m not. Why? The reason is simple, it’s because she barges in and barges out within a jiffy.

As my mom’s daughter, I had everything I ever wanted, even those things I never requested for. For instance, my mom employing maids who took care of the dirty dishes, some maids handled the house cleaning, and a personal maid was assigned to me by my mother. I had a driver who takes me wherever I wanted to go: be it school or anywhere but I barely went out, only to school. I even had people who were paid by my mom to help me copy my notes in school, all I ever did was to sit and pay attention in class.

Oh yeah, with all these helping hands, I came top in class, always having all A’s.

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You can say that I am a girl that was born in a silver spoon.

Well, even with all these possessions, it never got into my head because I understood that these were all my moms’.

I was really lonely, I sometimes wished for another sibling but just how will my mom be able to get pregnant when she had rejected all the men that came her way, the last time I asked why? Just like you are asking why in your heart as well.

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“Let this be the last time you will ask me such stupid question, my girl “that was it. And I never brought up the issue again.

One of the weekends, my mom returned home and was about leaving again but something happened.

I was flabbergasted to see my mom come to see me in my room before embarking on another business trip of hers. Could it be because I had not come out to say hi to her since the day she arrived?

But then, my mom felt sorry and embarrassed when she discovered that her grown up daughter had bed wetted.

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She quickly ordered my personal maid out of my room and did the clean-up herself. To be honest, I had not seen my mom being so lovable and caring and concerned as she was this moment. I felt I needed to do more of the bed wetting just to get her attention. It has been ages since I got the motherly affection I had, but not for this occurrence. My mom only squandered her resources on me but she was not there when I needed her most. Emotionally, physically, educationally, spiritually and socially. Those times when some group of guys had wanted to abuse me, they said if they did not do it, I would not be able to produce milk for my babies when I give birth. But I narrowly escaped them, through a live session with Tolu, Ella, and Dara Simi Mike Bamiloye; they are popularly known as the TED on their YouTube channel.

When I saw that my mom started giving me the attention I had longed for, I started bed wetting frequently, just to gain and sustain her attention.

In Psychology, this is a form of conditioning (bed wetting) to get a desired response (mother’s attention).

To wrap it all up, some parents like my mom before she changed are just paying the rents (school fees, feeding, buying clothes and so on) but they are not parenting. Parenting encompasses all these aspects: physical, emotional, financial, social and spiritual.
As a mother or a parent that you are, your child needs more than the money or the gifts you give or the promises you make to them. Your child needs you.

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