Personal Story with a Soundtrack - If I can´t call her a Narcissist can I call her a Psychopath?

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Personal Story with a Soundtrack - Guess I have to say sorry to my Ex and you might too
We established that being a Narcissist is basically a self-esteem issue, and that my ex has Narcissistic tendencies. But that I should not call her a narcissist anymore as she does not tick all the obligatory boxes just 5/8.

If she´s not a Narc, then why did she play me for a fool so long? Why did I think she was a narcissist, could it be that she was something else, something worse? It seems there is an overlap. It seems that all sick minds look a like, but there are differences. So if she wasn´t a Narcissist what´s left?

A Psychopath?
.... Sociopath?

Is there even a difference between those two. According to my research, there is. The main difference is that a sociopath is made. A Psychopath is born that way.

Lady Gaga - Born This Way

Trades of the Socio/Psychopath

1. Superficial Charm & Charisma
2. Unnecessary Cruelty or a Mean Streak
3. Lies, Exaggerations, & Dishonesty
4. Lack of Accountability & Playing the Blame Game
5. Need for Power, Control, & Dominance
6. Sadistic Enjoyment of Pain & Suffering
7. Boredom & Thrill-Seeking Behaviors
8. Disregard for Rules, Laws, & Norms
9. Unaffected & Unafraid of Consequences
10. Abnormal Ways of Thinking
11. A History of Childhood Behavior Problems
12. A Trail of Short, Broken Relationships
13. Exploitation of Others for Personal Gain
14. Calculated & Strategic Planning
15. A Lack of Conscience

A sociopath has similar trades, but even though the below applies to both they are more often part of a sociopaths skill set: aggressive, drug abuse, and has trouble with responsibilities such as a job, paying bills, etc.
As mentioned the real difference is that a Psychopath is born with a "messed up" oops can´t say that anymore. With a different autonomic nervous system.

Psychopath Song

Where a sociopath is shaped during childhood and adolescence. They often grew up in rough situations and with a role model showing them there is nothing wrong with breaking the rules.

Well,I don´t think that having a real tough time growing up and the wrong role model applies to my ex. Neither do those trades that are more frequently occurring with sociopaths so we can write that off.

So let´s measure her against the main psychopath skills:

1. Superficial Charm & Charisma - Yes
2. Unnecessary Cruelty or a Mean Streak - Possibly
3. Lies, Exaggerations, & Dishonesty - Yes
4. Lack of Accountability & Playing the Blame Game -Yes
5. Need for Power, Control, & Dominance -Yes
6. Sadistic Enjoyment of Pain & Suffering - No/Possibly
7. Boredom & Thrill-Seeking Behaviors - No
8. Disregard for Rules, Laws, & Norms - No
9. Unaffected & Unafraid of Consequences - No
10. Abnormal Ways of Thinking - Yes
11. A History of Childhood Behavior Problems - No
12. A Trail of Short, Broken Relationships - No
13. Exploitation of Others for Personal Gain - No
14. Calculated & Strategic Planning - yes
15. A Lack of Conscience - Possibly

Blank Ft. Eminem & 2Pac - Psycho

With less than half answered with Yes I guess I can´t even call her a psycho.

Then I got worried

While doing my research I found that the behavioral pattern of a psychopath should already be visible prior to the subject becoming 15 years of age.
There has to be a behavioral pattern that includes:
Truancy
Stealing
Violence to other kids
Setting fires
Torturing animals
All before the age of 15...

Ehh, are you guys now thinking like oops? Or is that just me?

My pre-15-year Psychopath score

Truancy - I skipped classes from the age of 13
Stealing - I stole a Star Wars action figure from a friend and money from my mom to buy candy
Violence to other kids - At eleven I threatened a kid that was a year older than me with a knife (he and his friends did bully me for some time prior to that)
Setting fires - We loved setting fire to things in abandoned places
Torturing animals - Nope I like animals, probably more than people

If that pattern fits, guess I have to check the big boy Psychopath score card as well, and see if just like Harley I got a flaw in my code (just FYI, not sure if it helps to diagnose me but she is my fav. Super hero).

Harley Quinn || Insane Like Me – Gasoline

My Psychopath score

1. Superficial Charm & Charisma - No, mine is real, not superficial
2. Unnecessary Cruelty or a Mean Streak - Nope, in general, I do not think too much about the impact on others.
3. Lies, Exaggerations, & Dishonesty - Nope, always honest
4. Lack of Accountability & Playing the Blame Game - Nope, always looking at what I could have done better/smarter first
5. Need for Power, Control, & Dominance - I settle for control only
6. Sadistic Enjoyment of Pain & Suffering - No, not interested
7. Boredom & Thrill-Seeking Behaviors - Not anymore
8. Disregard for Rules, Laws, & Norms - Yes, but obeying as most of the time breaking the rules brings more discomfort than adhering to them
9. Unaffected & Unafraid of Consequences - Afraid is the wrong word, but always calculating the risk.
10. Abnormal Ways of Thinking - Yes
11. A History of Childhood Behavior Problems - Yes
12. A Trail of Short, Broken Relationships - Yes, but that is in the past
13. Exploitation of Others for Personal Gain - No
14. Calculated & Strategic Planning - Yes
15. A Lack of Conscience - Possibly

Nah, I did not make it to psychopath either, my lack of empathy and conscience are not enough to qualify me. They are probably related to my autistic tendencies, combined with the fact that I am not a people person.

Beasts Of Bourbon - Psycho (1988)

Maybe I am even more like a narcissist than a psychopath, let me explain why:

If a psychopath robs a bank he does not care if anybody gets hurt. A narcissist at least goes in guns blazing thinking "I hope nobody gets hurt."

Which brings me to my final point. From what I have been reading, psychopaths do not think about the consequences. They are kinda like Tigger from Poo.

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But that is in contradiction with point 14. Calculated & Strategic Planning if you ask me.

There is this often used example of a psychopath not caring about the consequences and thinking "Hey I need 50 dollars," and passing a liquor store, entering the store, robbing the store and exiting with the money is not calculated nor strategic.

I don´t buy that, that just happens to the psychopaths that get caught, the dumbpaths. The smarter ones also don´t care about the consequences, but as they are calculated and strategic. They will go for the best possible outcome, meaning not getting caught. Hence, not risking your butt for 50 bucks.

Those guys end up being CEO´s according to Forbes:

Roughly 4% to as high as 12% of CEO's exhibit psychopathic traits, according to some expert estimates, many times more than the 1% rate found in the general population and more in line with the 15% rate found in prisons.

Or they become president:

FAMOUS CEO WHO IS A PSYCHOPATH: Donald Trump ranks high on a list of CEO's and ex CEO's who are psychopaths. According to one researcher, Kevin Dutton, Trump scored higher than Adolf Hitler on a test for psychopathic tendencies. And, his personal divorces and company lawsuits seem to support this.

So psychopaths basically have three options, jail, politics or becoming corporate leaders. Well I guess we kinda knew that already, right?

Bottom Line

That leaves me struggling with two things.

First, what is the correct label I can put on my EX, I guess not so nice human-being does cover her Narcissistic and Psychopathic tendencies.

Second point and most difficult is: How-To label myself? I agree with a comment on my previous posts, that people love to label because it makes life easier. But getting to know yourself also makes life easier.

I was diagnosed as not autistic, I was clearly not narcissistic and on the a psychopath scale of 1-10 (1 being Winnie the Poo and 10 being Donald Trump) I score a 4. Even though my childhood escapades would indicate differently.

So what am I?

Melanie Martinez - Mad Hatter

Let´s see what we get when we put all those yeses together:

1. Lack of empathy - Yes, possibly
2. Disregard for Rules, Laws, & Norms - Yes, but obeying as most of the time breaking the rules brings more discomfort than adhering to them
3. Unaffected & Unafraid of Consequences - Afraid is the wrong word, but always calculating the risk.
4. Abnormal Ways of Thinking - Yes
5. A History of Childhood Behavior Problems - Yes
6. A Trail of Short, Broken Relationships - Yes, but that is in the past
7. Calculated & Strategic Planning - Yes

Yes I admit that in general, I feel I lack empathy. It´s like I just do not get as emotional as many other people do. But I can cry if a movie or song if they hit the right string of my heart.

Very early on I accepted that most rules and concepts in life were created to make life easier, not because they make sense. So I obey the rules where that makes life easier, but I disregard most if not all. And if I make a calculated choice, I am unafraid of the consequences. Life is about making choices, assessing risk and going for the best risk/reward outcome.

Now I think my childhood psychopathic tendencies are just things we do as a child, we steal, we fight, we set fires, and skip classes. Just like that trail of short broken relationships, we grow up experimenting. Those things I have outgrown.

Well maybe not all. In all honesty, I still like setting fire to stuff, but I can do that now in my own garden. I also would still fight, not throwing the first punch but I would try to throw the last one.

The same goes for stealing, if I could steal from a place that needs the money less hard than I do. I would steal if the risk/reward would be very favorable, meaning the chance of getting caught below 5% or so.

So what do all those things make me? What label would fit here?

Probably non, I am a unique weirdo and so are you My Dear Reader

Instead, they & I should accept me for what I am. It´s the take it or leave it label, simply because I was just born this way.

Lady Gaga - Born This Way (Gabriella Metz Cover)

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