MY ROLE AS A MEDIATOR BETWEEN TWO DISPUTANTS
Conflict and disagreement over various points of view, opinions, and approaches to things are among the most frequent phenomena among people. Although engaging in conflict may not always be desirable, it is one of the things that makes people so beautiful because it allows each person to be distinctive and stand out in their own way.
Personally, I'm not a kind of person who love being in anything related to dispute, conflict and the likes, but then when ever I find myself in one, I tend to look for every means to come into a consensus with the person or at least let the dispute slide for peace to reign.
But when putting the subject matter of this topic into consideration, that's being a mediator between two people who's having one form of disagreement or the other, it's s on a whole new level, because being a middle man in this situation can hit us in different ways, in a nutshell it's a two side of a coin, that can either end with your being praised for your act or being regretfully for ever getting involved in such conflict.
MY EXPERIENCE AS A MEDIATOR
I've had countless experience of being a mediator between two people who are involve in a disagreement, but I can practically say most of it hasn't end we'll, or end to my envisioned ending, although I get to realize there are something's I was doing wrong in the cases of those that went wrong, and I realized when I make amend in those mistake, then most of the conflict go away without me regretting being involved like I once do.
One of the dispute I dislike getting involve in the most, is those relating to relationship/marriage, settling dispute between lovers takes a high level of wisdom and thorough review and flittering of each words within you, before you say it out, else this words will be held against you in the nearest future, either after they settled or if the relationship ended up going down the drain via the actual dispute you got in as a mediator.
I can remember I once tried to settle a dispute between a couple in the house I was staying some years ago, but no matter how much I tried, there seems to be stiff headed about their disagreement, but I made a terrible mistake by pointing out their individual mistake in the partner present, and the next thing I heard was how dare you refer to my husband like that, it's not your fault, it's we that stood so low, I was so disappointed in myself that every day, and vowed never to get involved in any of their constant fight, and before I know it I became a laughingstock between them.
It was a painful experience, but I noticed where I went wrong, and after avoiding their other fights, I couldn't take it any longer watching them shout, beat and disgrace each other in the neighborhood, so I got involved once again, try and came their nerve and get each person to different place to discuss and iron out how to curb the fight, by advising each of them to resist doing whatever it's that stir up their continuous dispute.
I believe this really helped, because for the first time that I knew them, which was going to like 3 years, they didn't having any loud dispute for three weeks stretch, I was happy, and had to give credit to some of the dispute management books I read, though they later divorce after about five years of marriage, but in my opinion, I think that's the best thing for them with the rate at which they fight weekly.
This article was inspired by the hive learners community feature topic, that talks about being a middle man/mediator between two people who are involve in a fight, you can read through @kronias post to get full details about the necessity needed to make a post ok the topic.
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A mediator is doing a great job indeed, let say you haven't develop that idea things will end up bad
It's indeed a great job, and it takes someone with a large heart go do it.
Yes you are definitely right, you are a role model !
Hehehehe 🤣🤣🤣 they are crazy couple's, they even blamed you for correcting and helping them lolz 😂🤣🤣 they are confused human beings and your second trial was helpful and you were good at it ..
Separating is certain with that level of fight, I saw that coming already, the love is dead and LoL 😂😂 now I understand why you don't like acting as a mediator to couples or relationships...
Thanks for the Post bro
Don't mind those guys jor, they show me pepper that year, that I almost shade tears regretting why I try to settle their fight.
But then it's all good, couples are the worst set of people to mediate between of you're not careful.
Hehehehe 🤣🤣🤣🤣 that is very crazy lolz..
Yeah your post was worth my time
Relationship dispute is one of the hardest to settle though, because those two aren't normal at all. And sometimes you will not even see a better foundational cause of the dispute
The most shameful part is when they use you to settle their differences (just like your case) it can be really shameful I can relate ... The love thing can strike their minds immediately and they forget the cause of their problem and immediately you become the center of their attraction
Please I'll need to get hands on some of those your books, cause I get really frustrated easily while advising couples or those in relationships
Thanks for your view on this one 😇😇
It's indeed very complicated, and when we ain't mindful while handling it, we could end up escalating it or be the prey.
You're absolutely on point, love is dynamic, and when it spring up while you're there, you might have yourself to blame.
I'll try and go through my collections, the occurrence was about 8 years ago, so I can't remember the actual title, but I'll check.
Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts.
I'll be waiting for your response, you are much welcome 🤗🤗
Most times it takes wisdom to settle disputes between couples. Just as you've said, it may backfiring sometimes and you'll become a point of reference and sometimes one is happy he was able to help. Even though they divorced a few years after, you made a contribution at a point.
Yea it's one of the hardest dispute to get involve in, yea I've done my part, but in my opinion the divorce was the best thing they ever did in their relationship.
Hahaha. Sometimes divorce is the best option
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Reading books is really helpful. It broaden ones knowledge. Good one bro
That's absolutely correct.
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Being a mediator between lovers is the worst they will use you to settle their dispute....I just tell them sort yourself out.
The one I served as mediator to they ended up together and said I was against the relationship..
Lolz, I wish I could do the same then, but I'm afraid they'll injury themselves beyond the thinkable, that's why I do get involve.
Lolz I can relate to your experience, I've once had such too with a friend and his gf.
Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts, stay bless.
One of the dispute I dislike getting involve in the most, is those relating to relationship/marriage, settling dispute between lovers takes a high level of wisdom and thorough review and flittering of each words within you, before you say it out, else this words will be held against you in the nearest future, either after they settled or if the relationship ended up going down the drain via the actual dispute you got in as a mediator.
yup, mediating in marital disputes is the most difficult thing to deal with right now. because we will get into problems that we do not expect. if we are wrong in mediating and do not find a solution, then we can be sure, the problem will get bigger and will not lead to peace.
sometimes being a middle man has a high risk, if we say something wrong of course this will have fatal consequences and get worse, and I also agree with what you said instead of fighting every day it would be better to separate even though it is a difficult thing but for good together
Yes,most of the time it go wrong .If we go to fix the problem, they try to insult us. Interpret wrong meaning of our words
Thanks for sharing with us ❤
Eeyah... There are people who just seem to enjoy fighting each other. They just never seem to be willing to give peace a chance. Maybe it is a good thing they went their separate ways, before it will end in a way one of them will forever regret.
Thank you for sharing this with us.
I can relate being a mediator for lovers😂😂😂.This most funniest part of it I ended up being in their middle and was use to finish the fight😂 that I had a cut at my cheeks😂😂. It was a terrible day🥲.
This part made me laugh 😂... Nawa oo that was rude. On top trying to help them resolve their conflict. Well, I guess it happens. Some people even get punched in the process of mediating people's dispute.
I'm glad that your second approach worked. Having a one on one dialogue with the individuals involved is usually the best method of mediation.
It's sad to hear that they ended up divorcing but I guess that's the best for them anyway.
Thanks for sharing this!
It is really never good to point out the mistake of a person with others present. They will most probably resist you.
Great job calming them. 😊
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That's absolutely true, I learnt the hard way and never made such mistake again, thanks for your input, stay bless.
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Just like my mum do say, one should never involve too far or dirty in a quarrel between two lovers, you'd find yourself in hot soup. Because if the issue was not dealt with properly with careful choice of words, if you backbite about one partner to another... When somehow the whole issue get solved, there will be a day when they will tell each other. And you'd be in the black book. 😅
But @vickoly you did well in trying to save the day. I must commend your action, not many have that courage!
Eyah! What I would say is that they were never meant to be together. Fighting every now and then would tear them apart and that was what happened. Sometimes, no matter how we try, what will be will be. Well done sir
You've said it all. My dear, as long as you're not a legally practicing relationship therapist or marraige counselor, the possibility of getting into trouble when you try to settle disputes among couples is very high that is why like you, I try to always mind my business.
Only that sometimes you may be implicated if they fight and kill each other so it's best to try and intervene.
My friend had a misunderstanding with her friend one time. We were all schoolmates but I and my friend were a senior to the girl in question while in school. We're equally older than her in age too. It's not the first time they quarrelled so my friend said she was done, that would be the last.
I adviced her to keep her distance from the girl since the embarrassment and insults were reoccurring. My friend asked me for my advice o.
Few weeks later, they were back together and they started calling each other besties. I felt like the devil who tried to separate them and since then, whenever they fight I just pretend I'm not there. That's because they'll likely reconcile and will discuss my advice with each other and make me look like I'm evil.
Anything that concerns settling of dispute, I don wash my hand commot.
I learnt from your post though, atleast you tried your best to help the situation of those couples. Well-done.
Being a mediator isn't an easy tasks..elders and men of God suffer this a lot and it takes a lot of wisdom to actually carry out the right set of action or use the right set of words to end the conflict..
Lovers quarrel is a complicated one especially if you're stuck in the middle and it gets worse if you take sides or point out each one's mistake...you were lucky they didn't hate you after you did that...
I tend to avoid conflicts especially if it's fighting...I don't have the strength and I've heard of terrible accidents that ends up taking place..
Great article...I surely enjoyed reading your own view on the matter..❤️