A Love Yet to Bloom

As I sit and reflect on my life after seeing this prompt, I'm reminded of a dream I've always nurtured right from my teenage days; you see, I've always envisioned falling in love and getting married before I turned 26. Back then, to me, it seemed like a perfect age, which would grant me the opportunity to explore life and the beauty love harbors. Now, three decades plus and counting, and still carrying that dream in my heart, I find myself reflecting on why this journey hasn't yet unfolded for me and what I can put in place to make it a reality in the near future.

There are several constraints that have distanced me from making these longings a reality, and one of them is regarding my health challenges. I mean, come to think of it, the last few years have been particularly difficult health-wise, as I've been regularly in and out of the hospital for medical checkups and treatment, and seeing how all this piles up, it has taken a toll on my mental and emotional well-being.

One day I just looked at myself in the mirror and was like, You won't want to get married and make someone you claim to love become a widow at a tender age if this illness were to claim your life, and giving in to that thought and mindset has gone to refrain me from delving into another that'll lead to falling in love, not to talk of getting married.

Aside from the health challenges, I can't forget in a hurry that another stronghold that has stood as a barrier between me and this dream regarding my past experience, I mean, each time I tried to open up my heart and give love another chance, one, I remember the pains, hurt, disappointment, and heartache I had to endure in the past, my heart will just automatically take caution, and before you know it, I'll start distancing myself from whomever I'm having such feelings for at the time.

These experiences and my cautionary ordeal have made me refrain from trying for fear of hurting another while trying to safeguard mine, although I've learned via this experience, acquiring valuable lessons above love and respect for both my heart and that of the other person, Growing up and having dealt with these on multiple occasions, I guess not wanting to make or repeat the same mistakes of entering a relationship halfheartedly is one other constraint that's standing between me and these long-nurtured dreams, because I just can't trust myself to not build a safety wall around my heart each time I'm reminded of my past experience in relationships.

I know love is a beautiful thing and a feeling everyone deserves to experience; loving someone and being loved in return is golden, and I long to experience that, but then loads of constraints that stood between me and it are a big force that seems impossible to roll over, but then with time and in the coming days, I'm of the opinion that if I approach this with intentionality, mindfulness, and a wholehearted open heart that's willing to give this a try again, hopefully the universe will guide my path toward the love and true happiness I deserve.

If it'll be a reality or not isn't something I can bank on, but on my part, I'll take the bold step and see how things turn out.

All photos are taken and edited on canva.