Dealing With Mixed Feelings.

This reminds me of a book by Colleen Hoover titled ” Maybe Someday” a book that tells well about reality matters, I guess we have to give that to Hoover even though most people find her books too sad or boring, she does well with reality fictional stories.
I’ve always wondered about the secret behind marriages that celebrate 50 years, and 70 years of anniversaries, the highest I've come across was 85 years.

I presumed it wasn't all smooth. I'm not one to believe that love sustains relationships not because I don't believe in love but my belief that it takes more than just love to succeed in a courtship or marital relationship.
This brings back Hoover’s book, where she made a story on a young growing man who found himself entangled with his emotions. He was in a good and comfortable state, where he had a girlfriend who loved him and in return loved her back. They were good for six years before the clash came after he met another girl who he connected with in ways he couldn't with his girl, I remembered how well he struggled with his emotions to stay loyal to his relationship but it couldn't work and at the end settled for the other girl. Although he never left his ex because of his love for the other, I guess it would be better if you check the book to get the story in full from there.

My point is that this is reality. One day we’re hellbent on heading over the hill for a person we call “the one” Another day we struggle while searching ourselves to find that deep attraction that connected us in the first place

I think only a few would search though.

Immediately we don't find it, we follow the language our body speaks and before you know it, we've successfully served “breakfast” to an innocent soul. ( First category ) or play around to satisfy what we think our body wants as peace of mind and yet fool the partner we claim to love, some go to lengths to place a tag and call them “serious “.

Such a case you'll hear, I'm in a serious relationship, the rest are for the fun.

This was me in 17-year-old Tory’s body. He was 20, a soft fair beatboxing guy. I mean I was a little over-naive then, but he was more like a baby while I was like a mom. One thing was certain and that was he liked me. Exactly one year, I couldn't feel my connections anymore and that was how I opened up to him and walked away. I felt bad, really bad but I thought it was for the best until I met with another who wasn't just way older but made me realize some things in life in a hard way.
I was already 18 here, and six months into a new relationship. There was the repetition of the “non-connect” feeling but this time there was a third party and just like a normal human being, I gave in to it but it was a short encounter that stopped immediately I realized. Telling my partner was the decision I came up with but it was the beginning of toxicity.
I'm not going into that story.

However, I learned the hard way that our feelings are just temporary attractions. I learned it takes more to be loyal.
Love feelings are the first connection but a decisive heart is what keeps one in check.

This is me dropping a little piece of myself outside my usual story. I knew myself and the kind of life I've always dreamt of to become my reality someday. Unfortunately, from my first kiss down to whatever happens afterwards wasn't in the reality I planned.
It all went wrong and it could have been worse if I never had a toxic boyfriend. Sometimes I see that chapter of myself as God's will because I might have ended up being the other girl next door with the opposite of a decent lifestyle. Just maybe I needed that strong hand even if it broke me in ways I never could have imagined it was my eyes opener.

Am over that chapter already but it left its impact on me, a reminder that would possibly remain with me for the rest of my life and that helped me with dealing with mixed feelings.
Anytime it comes, these questions play out in my head;

-So what then happens after you give in?
-What do we say about body counts?
-You’ve made enough mistakes already, what reason would you now give to your children and coming generations if you end up giving in?

• You want to prove to him that his right about you?

These are all I need to keep my feet firm on the rock. It's not even about my partner but about self-respect. The same way I can't love another if I lack self-love applies to respect too. Then, I go ahead blocking all ties with whoever is the other attraction and if it seems hard to do, I just air it out by telling both my partner and the other party. It might feel ridiculous in some way but this had been my remedy. Self-decisiveness made me hold onto my principles of boundaries and if peradventure was beyond my control, honesty would still be it.
Mixed feelings are normal but become unfair when we let ourselves become who we are not to satisfy a temporary attraction.