The Peace

The day Simon left, I watched Mom shed tears over the chopped onions for the first time. She never did that. I thought it a superpower of hers, for her eyes not to tear whenever she cut onions.

The day Simon left, I watched Dad flip through TV channels absentmindedly, even when it clocked 8pm. Dad never missed the News Hour at 8, even when he lost his job, Dad watched News Hour.

Simon’s absence disrupted the harmony of our home. There was discord now; and dissonance. And I didn’t know how to fix it. I couldn’t fix it because I didn't know why Simon left.

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Simon was who someone would call the sun’s incarnate. He was good and never wanted to cause trouble for anyone. I looked up to him and always wanted to follow in his footsteps. Not just me. Mom and Dad wanted to walk in his footsteps. It was evident in how they laid their expectations at his feet. Dad had wanted to be an engineer when he was younger but it had been an unachievable dream. Not because Dad didn't have the money to afford the costs to study such expensive course. It was because Dad didn't have the smarts needed for it. In those days, money couldn't really get you where you wanted. Then, quality and intelligence won. And Dad sadly didn't have those. So, when Dad realized that Simon was a gifted child, he started tugging on Simon’s strings like he was a puppet, steering him towards engineering.

Anything Dad wanted, Mum wanted too. It was like Mum was born with the same will as Dad. Or maybe when they got married, her will got replaced by dad. Mum always wanted Dad to be happy and she did her utmost best to fulfill that, even if it meant letting go of her dreams or expectations. Mum was the smart one of our parents. She was the one who taught us our tough assignments and guided us academically. I never knew Mum could have been a senior data analyst in big industries until the day she asked for my help to filter her mail. And that's when I saw the offers. Big companies, all asking for her service. But, she had respectfully declined.

I remembered asking her why she hadn't taken those offers, why she hadn't wanted to further her career. She would have been her own woman in the tech industry. Her answer was, “Family is what matters. Not career. Not work. Family.”

In my opinion, Mum stopped pursuing her career because of dad. She needed to continue feeding dad’s ego, to make him feel like he was winning. She needed to put herself down, so that dad could be higher. Maybe, it was her way of loving dad. But I resented Dad for making her be that way. And I resented Mum for giving in.

I was like a shadow in the background though. I was relegated to the background and was still a shadow at the same time. My parents hyperfocus was on Simon. They doted on Simon because he was the smart kid. The good kid. Not like I wasn't good too. But, where Simon took our mum’s smarts and intelligence and everything in between, I had taken my dad’s stubbornness and doggedness and everything in between. Maybe that wasn't so bad in itself. But I craved my parents' attention and stubbornness wasn't getting me that. I wanted to gobble it up, but no matter how I tried, their attention was fleeting and sparing. I tried to hate Simon for taking all of it but I couldn't, because he was the best of us. The light. And he gave all his attention to me and loved me. And that was enough.

So, when Simon left, the peace shattered.

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“Hello, Simon. It's me. Sally. Please, tell me where you are. I want to see you.” I sent the text. I looked at the many unread texts I had sent previously. He would probably not read this one too but I would not stop trying either way. Just then, my phone rang with a call from an unknown number.

“Hello?” I said with uncertainty. What if it was Simon?

“Hello.” Simon’s voice came through. It was his voice, but tinged with the tone of despair and sadness.

“Simon! Where are you?” I asked with a desperate tone.

“At a friend's place.” He said slowly in that sad, sad voice.

“Why did you leave? You just packed up and left. You didn't even say a goodbye. You didn't even give a reason why. Home is no longer home without you.”My voice broke.

“Sally…you wouldn't understand.” He answered.

“You haven't even tried to explain and you judge me already.”

“I left because dad wouldn't let me be, Sally. I tried to do what he wanted. Be the good kid. I studied science because of him. Pushed and fought my way to the top. And, he wanted me to study engineering and I tried, Sally. I tried. But the weight of his expectations were too much. And Sally, I don't want to be an engineer. I don't want to be in science or tech. I want to be a writer. I can't handle not being able to do what I love. I have had to meet their expectations every step of the way but I want to meet mine now. I want to be my own man and do what I love.”

“Did you tell dad?” I asked him.

“Yes, I did. And that might have been my worst mistake. Dad said he wouldn't house me under his roof if I didn't do what he wanted. He threatened to disown me if I didn't change my mind. And I have had it. I am done with trying to be the perfect child.”

“What about Mum? What did she say?” I asked but I already knew the answer.

“She asked me why I couldn't just do what dad wanted. Why I couldn't just make him happy to the end.”

When Simon told me this, I realized that my parents’ attention was exerting and Simon had had to bear the brunt of it all. Dad had stopped Mum from pursuing her career. He had wanted Simon to pursue his own unachievable dream without ever asking him what his passion truly was. And he had neglected me because I didn't even have the smarts. And mum would rather choose dad’s happiness above all else.

“I want to see you, Simon. Can you tell me where you are?”

“Okay.” Simon replied.

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Beep. Beep. Beep

That was the sound that steadily brought me to consciousness. The world was a blurry white as I struggled to comprehend my surroundings. I shut my eyes and opened it again. My surroundings were a little bit clearer now. But the whiteness of it all was tearing at my eyes and causing a sharp pain at the back of my skull.

I looked around. I was in a hospital gown and was lying on a hospital bed. Tubes were attached to my arm. I slowly lifted my hand to my head and felt the bandage wrapped around it. Then I recalled. I was on my way to see Simon. A truck swerving towards me. I was jumping out of the way, when I slipped and hit my head hard on the curb. I had almost been involved in a fatal accident.

The door to my ward opened and a nurse stepped in with a clipboard in her hands and a small smile on her lips.

“You're awake,” She said, like I didn't know i was awake. “I should inform your family. They have been waiting for hours.” I only nodded in response. She came towards me and did a check on my IV drip, humming slightly and writing aomething in her clipboard. Then she left the ward.

Some minutes later, my door opened and I saw the face I had been missing for months. Simon. He looked haggard, like he hadn't gotten good rest since he left home. He had eyebags and frown lines were starting to show around his mouth. But when he saw me, his eyes crinkled and his mouth tugged upwards into a smile and I smiled back. He walked quickly to me and sat on the chair that was placed beside my bed. He held my hand in his.

“I'm so sorry, Sally. I'm sorry. I should have come to you instead.” He said, squeezing my hand a little bit tightly.

“It's alright, Simon. I'm fine. I'm okay.” I replied, squeezing his hand back. He nodded, his eyes glistening.

I took a breath in, as I made to ask him the question I have been wanting to ask him. Could he come back home? Just then, my parents walked in. Mum rushed to my bedside and I sat up as she pulled me gently into a soft hug. I inhaled her cinnamon scent. Dad stood at the door awkwardly. The room descended into silence. Then, Mum spoke.

“We have both been terrible parents.” Mum said. The confession hung in the air. “Really terrible parents. One child we neglected and one child we let go because of our expectations. And that's enough. Everyone should be free to follow their passions. Our children should be and we must be supportive of them. We must love them equally.” She took a breath in and exhaled.

“Simon is coming home and he’s going to be a writer.” Mum said with strong conviction. Her chin took a firm stance as she stared at Dad, daring him to oppose. Dad just nodded. It was the first time I saw Mum strong in her resolve. I knew she would not give in to Dad this time. The dynamics had changed. Mum nodded to herself too as if making a mental note to herself. Then she turned back to me, held my cheek with her soft hand and smiled sadly.

“I'm sorry, Sally. We are. We will be better for both of you." And she hugged me again. Simon joined in and after a few minutes, dad too. Dad didn't need to say anything. I had a strong feeling he was going to try too.

I melted into the comfort of my family's arms around me. The peace was back.