A Life of Gratitude

Some time at the beginning of the year, I fell into a depression. It was like that moment had been building up and it burst like a dam. Before then, I had been feeling a deep dissatisfaction and unhappiness with how my life was. I felt like all my plans, my goals, all I wanted to accomplish didn't come to fruition. I felt like I should be more, I should do more. I didn't think I was where I envisioned myself to be. I felt useless. I was really unhappy and I was envious of people who had their life put together.

But what triggered the depression was lack of money and family troubles. My family was not together. My mum had an accident and my dad was battling an illness we could not understand. Everything collided at the same time. Mum was spending months in the hospital, same as dad and as the first born, it was my responsibility to be the parent while they were both down. Due to the accident and illness, our finances started going down the drain. We were spending everything on hospital bills and gradually getting bankrupt. I remember how I would call or text my two best friends and cry to them. All this happened at the same time when I and my siblings were supposed to resume a new school year. School bills were coming in and everything was piling up and I felt choked. I was already thinking of dropping out of school and focusing on finding work somewhere.

I had no money and no source of income and I really wanted to help. I wanted to be able to lift the burdens from my parents and make provisions too. I wanted to be able to pay my school fees and that of my siblings, but there was just no way. I blamed myself. I kept thinking that if I had done more, pushed myself harder, I would have found a way for things to be better. And so I felt useless. I would cry myself to sleep at night and pray. I lost faith too. And slowly, I started slipping into depression. I rarely smiled and I couldn't find joy in things I normally would. I felt like I was spiraling into a dark place and I was just so tired. It was a really dark period.

But somehow, God just came through. Provisions and donations started coming in. And things started looking up. I was able to go back to school and my best friends and acquaintances were really supportive. They took care of me and came through for me. I was lifted out of that depressing state. My siblings were able to go back to school. My dad got better and my mum would be walking without the aid of crutches in the next month or so. Finances are getting better gradually. And so, I'm living a life of gratitude.

I am grateful for the life I get to live each day. I am grateful for family. I am grateful for the gift of quality people. Everyday, when I wake up, I always find a reason to be thankful and my life is better because of it. I might not be exactly where I envisioned to be but where there's life, there's hope. And I work towards a better future for my family and I.

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