Societal Pressure? Bullying?

In one of my classes earlier today, I met a student who got me quite worried. She's Japanese and it was our first time having a class together. She just wanted to have a free conversation and for some reasons she started opening up about her life.

This situation isn't new to me as a lot of students do so. Apart from wanting to learn English, some of them just wanted to express their feelings, share their stories or just talk to some stranger.

It makes sense though, right? Sometimes, talking with someone we hardly know is better because they haven't formed any biases or impression about us. Well, it still takes courage to do so depending on the things you want to open up about.

My student earlier was a few years younger than me and she was longing for a partner in life. Her family and friends are somehow pressuring her to find a partner and settle down soon. I could relate to her as I've experienced it a few years ago, but it's never my intention to do so. I have a lot of things to think about that I don't want to add another thing on the list. In addition, I enjoy being single because the very small free time I have, I can dedicate to my family and to myself.

She's different though because the situation is making her feel stressed, pressured and even insecure. She told me about things that keeps her motivated at first... but then, she became more honest and told me about the dark and sad things she's been thinking of doing. It's really alarming, but I continued to listen.

Somehow, I'm glad I studied nursing and learned how to communicate therapeutically in such situations.

The world is harsh... society has a lot of crazy standards that people try to reach in order to fit in. It's sad that these standards exist. If only people can live freely and truly accept themselves for who they are. If only it's easy to do so...

It's easy to tell people, "Be yourself!" but it's actually hard for most people to do. It's not because they don't want to, but they're scared. They're worried about the numerous pairs of eyes looking at them... judging them.

In the Philippines, there's this something we call "crab mentality". It's a really negative trait when people try to pull someone down. I sometimes wonder, why is it so difficult for people to just be happy about others' achievements? Why do they always find faults? If they're not happy for others, why not ignore rather than say bad things about them?

My student earlier also confided that she was bullied when she was younger. Her classmates used to call her fat and ugly, so somehow she lost her confidence and thinks that what they say are real. She's actually beautiful, but she doesn't think so... and she said that her being bullied in the past was one of the reasons why she's scared to be in a relationship despite wanting to be in one. She's scared to be around guys and she worries about what they think about her and how they see her.

I could kind of relate because I was also bullied and called fat and black eye when I was young. The difference is that, my parents always reminded me to ignore them and made me feel confident about myself. I also learned how to defend myself from the bullies, so they eventually got tired. Of course, it's not the same for everyone.

I'm just lucky that despite having social, beauty or whatever standards there is, I learned not to care too much. I know myself better than others, so I don't really care how people see me or what they think of me.

There are times when I feel down or stressed out, but it's usually because of a different reason. I don't actually feel that well and I'm kind of stressed out these days, but I'm surviving. I'm trying to do what I can... and the talk I had with my student made me realize that my problem is less worse than what other people are going through. I just hope everyone find peace in their hearts and minds... I hope the same for myself as well.