Ladies of Hive Community Contest #144: Intimate Partner Violence

Violence against women is unfortunately one of the most common social problems in some countries including my own. I'm from the Philippines and it's sad to know that a lot of women experienced physical, sexual and/or emotional abuse by the person they love or their partners. It's not only in my country, but in many places all over the world.

I'm a fan of "True Crime Documentaries or Stories" not because I enjoyed reading or learning what happened, but because I want to understand how people, both the criminals and the victims think or feel and why it ended the way it did.

Among the recent stories I've learned was a heartbreaking one from China. The woman is a loving daughter and mother to her children. She was set on fire by her own ex-husband. Prior to this event, she was suffering from domestic violence.

They were both very young when they got married and were so in love with each other. They weren't rich but they were getting by. However, it changed when the woman gave birth to their child. The man who used to get all of her attention didn't like the changes in their life. He was kind of possessive of her that he started verbally abusing her at first.

Days turned to weeks, and the woman somehow didn't like what was happening. She was mentally stressed and wanted to cool off her head by going to her parents' house with their kid, but her husband begged her to stay and promised that he'd be careful with his words. She gave him a chance, but the verbal abuse turned into physical ones.

Every time she wanted to leave, he'd get on his knees and beg her to stay saying he'd change... and she believed him every time. It took her years to finally get the courage to leave him. Unfortunately, his evilness was beyond that and he ended up killing her by setting her on fire.

That horrible abuse was just an example of the various things some women unfortunately encounter. Perhaps, it was on the extreme side, but it's a reminder that such things exist.

There's nothing wrong with giving your partner a second chance when they did something wrong, however, when the supposed to be second chance became a third, fourth, fifth... and so on, then, that's a problem.

A lot of these abusers are also very good at gaslighting their victims. They love playing the victim and it's sad how a lot of victims believe that they are the problem when they actually are not.

I don't have any personal experience with this and I also don't have a partner. However, there was a time when I got to know someone who might have been a partner. After talking for a few months, I noticed some red flags. He was quite dominant and he thinks that he's always right. Unluckily for him, I'm someone with principles. I stand by the things I believe. I respect people's opinion, but I don't like it when people insist their opinion on me. It's kind of toxic when people can't simply respect each other, so I cut ties early.

Not everyone can stand for themselves, and I don't blame them. Sometimes, the situation is just too much for them or maybe they've been through really traumatic events in the past which made them that way. So, the next best thing is to seek help from family or friends you can trust.

In cases when you can't really trust anyone, there are some support groups that may help. In the Philippines, there's this "Women's Desk" in the police station where mostly female officers help with cases related to domestic abuse or violence against women in general.

If going to the authorities is also scary, there are other organizations that can help. In one of the hospitals here in Cebu, there's a so-called "Pink Room" (basically because of the building's color). This "Pink Room" is also known as Women and Children's Friendly Center". They provide help not only for women who are victims of violence, but also children.

There's also an organization called "Zonta Club". If I'm not mistaken, it's an international organization and they have branches in some countries. There is one in Cebu, although I don't know it in detail. What I know is that this certain group advocates to end violence against women. They have some programs which involves promoting awareness and empowerment for women.

I just hope that people, especially women, would know how valuable they are... Of course, loving someone and being loved back is great, but we shouldn't forget to love ourselves first. It might be difficult to do, but if you get to know yourself better and accept yourself including your flaws, then it would somehow be easier. Small steps at a time. :)


Thanks for reading and see you around! (^^,)/