The Odd One

I had my first session with my mentor at work today. A guy who is a few years younger than I am, but has worked in the company for almost twenty years. And since it is a startup that is about that old, suffice to say that he has a massive amount of experience, which is what I need to learn from right now. He asked me how I tend to learn, and for me it has always been through observation and my own experience, but I went on a bit further that it is because especially now after the stroke, I need the stories to provide the heuristics - I can't read it out of a book and easily apply it.

It has been a few years since I have tried reading anything substantial, so I should probably give it a go to see if I can get anything out of it. I used to love reading, but now it is so much work to understand, I get tired very quickly, for very little gain. However, perhaps if I change my style a little, I might get more out of it and make the investment worth it.

I asked a question from my supervisor today in our one-to-one, as she was talking about internal and external focus for finding meaning, where one is doing things for other people, the other is doing for the self. This isn't being self-centered, it is about for instance doing a job well because it means something to the individual, even if it doesn't matter to anyone else. She sees herself as someone who acts for herself. But I posited that because our meaning is derived from connection with others, we likely need other people to factor in somewhere - to make what we do relevant. As I like to deal in extremes for illustration, my hypothetical question was pretty simple;

If you are alone on a deserted island, the last person on earth, what gives you meaning and purpose?

What does your intuition tell you?

Even with this simple example, it is very, very hard for us to imagine a world with no one else in it. It is almost as hard as trying to imagine what it feels like to be dead and without consciousness. It is impossible to image unconsciousness, while conscious. And impossible to do it while unconscious. Similarly, we can't imagine well what it is like to be without people, unless we have spent significant time isolated, with zero contact with the outside world at all.

We all want relevancy in some form.

And what does that mean when we are alone? If you have seen the movie "Castaway", you will remember Wilson, the volleyball that became the character's friend. Because even though he was there for years trying to survive and get back to civilization, it wasn't enough. If he didn't have the ball, perhaps he would have made a face out of a coconut - anything to have "someone" to share the experience with.

A great meal or a great movie, isn't as great without someone else.

Sure, from time to time it is fantastic to get some time away from others, but even the most socially introverted person, still needs some contact with the world outside themselves. Some people here might be inclined to comment that they are the type of person who would be happy alone, without seeing the irony that they are here commenting to other people.

My point is, like it or not, we are all seeking some kind of validation from others, which is what relevancy is. When we are relevant in people's lives, we are making an impact, (possibly a negative impact) which matters to another person. It is a reflection of ourselves in them in some way, an action and reaction relationship. Even the world "relevance" means to help, assist, comfort, console.

To relieve.

And as social animals, we will feel lonely when completely alone, and if there is no one there to provide relief from the loneliness by giving connection, we will find a substitute - like with a pet, an animal, a volleyball or some other stand-in for a partner, a confidante, an ally, a mirror.

Perhaps that this is part of the value of being a parent, and also why some parents take it too far and can't let go, because a child provides relevancy almost be default. Caring for someone else by choice to be relevant in their lives, is probably about the most selfish thing we can do. This isn't a negative in most cases however, because it is how we build connections, communities and ultimately evolve our species. It is a win-win relationship.

My supervisor was also talking about how when she was young, she was the odd one out, the outlier in many ways. I was the same. This meant also standing out in some way, which for me meant that when I made an error, it was even more obvious and was pointed out, no matter how small. However, at some point, being the odd one out can be valuable, because it becomes a differentiator in the marketplace, or it gives insight into making choices that others don't make, giving a more open space to run, or being among the first to invest.

In a world where everyone is trying to fit in, the smart play is to stand out.

And maybe that is what I should do for myself.

For instance, as far as I know, I have never met anyone under the age of 70 who has had a stroke, other than one. And that person walks around the neighborhood, repeating the same three questions to whoever will listen. Just based on being able to function much at all after a stroke, has me as an outlier, especially at my age. While I didn't gain any superpowers, perhaps I can take the damage done and use it to reposition myself in the marketplace in some way, especially since I am a completely different type of person and have had to learn completely different ways of navigating life than I did the second before the stroke.

Can I make it work for me?

I don't mind being odd, but I dislike letting myself down for not making an attempt.
So I better try.

Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]