Irrelevant Attention
I guess everyone has a hard life.
Or is it just me?
I assume not, because I think that everyone has their own experience to face and as such, is going to suffer from the human condition of weighting negatives more heavily than positives. And because there is no such thing as no negative and most people have an average experience, people are more likely to highlight the negatives in their lives, and remember them. People will remember the lesson of losing 20 dollars before they remember winning 20 dollars.
The last few years or perhaps, the last few decades for me have been a typical mixture of highs and lows, with a lot of average between. However, if I were to tally them all up, I suspect that the lows might outnumber the highs, and perhaps, the lowest of the lows have not only been heavy, but highly impactful and terminal. Well, terminal in the sense that they are going to affect me for life and nothing really good comes out of it.
I don't know about you, but I often think that we are destined for failure in life, even though as a species we keep advancing. Perhaps it is this sense of impeding failure itself that keeps us advancing, as we try to overcome the challenge by creating something meaningful. But, for the most part, the majority of us aren't going to succeed in that endeavor, and will fail to make much of a difference at all in the evolution of humanity.
Perhaps that is why so many become dicks.
There seems to be a lot of dicks in the world now, and I think it comes down to a new high in entitlement on one hand, and a new low in the sense of community in the other. A lot of entitlement becomes a high level of selfishness. And low sense of community means a loss of connectedness. For hundreds of thousands of years we have built our personal meaning from a sense of adding value to the community in which we live, and in the last few decades, we have decided that it is better to just be in it for ourselves.
How's that working out for us?
The quest for "meaning" in my opinion, is actually a request for relevance. But, how to be relevant in a world of individualism? And this is what many people are struggling with, even though most don't seem to have spent much time thinking about it. Instead, most of chase relevance in the world of strangers, whilst our local communities go begging for support. And since they don't get much, they fall apart, making local experience even shittier, with more people become dicks.
It used to be "think globally, act locally", but it seems to be more shout globally at strangers, ignore the people you know. Many people argue against me when I say things like that, and it is fine, but I am yet to see much evidence to the contrary. The world narrative is led by the outspoken few that are supercharged by the media and algorithms, incentivized by fame and fortune. And as behavioral economics tells us, incentive drives behaviors.
A lot of happy people leak a lot of sadness.
Over the years I have interacted with a lot of people who talk about how happy they are with their lives, but again, I am yet to see much evidence of this. Rather, I see them leak their discontent, either in the looks they give others who have what they wish they had for themselves, or their behaviors that indicate that all is not well in their lives. People who talk about body positivity but speak badly those who are in better shape than themselves. Or people who say that money doesn't matter, but complain about the price of groceries.
It leaks from people in many ways, just spend some time observing and conversing.
But as said, we all have shitty lives, which is probably part of the plan to keep us trying to advance. If the world was perfect, if our lives were perfect, why change? And if we aren't changing, we are stagnant, unmoving, dead. And perhaps this death is what we are trying to avoid, knowing that it is inevitable, so we instead try to do something meaningful to leave behind in our wake. Something to remember us by, immortalize ourselves in some way.
To cheat death. At least for a while.
But, we will all be forgotten in time, no matter what we do. The inventor of the wheel is unknown. As is the first person to make a boiled egg as a meal. All of us will be lost in time and forgotten. But, all of us will also have left a mark on the world past us, even though no one will mark it on our account.
Life is simple, isn't it?
What happened to just being a good person and adding value to the community? What happened to helping others improve their lives and in so doing, getting help in return? Why so much fucking drama all the time? Instead of positive impact being the measure of success, it is now all about grabbing attention.
As if attention equates to relevancy.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
It’s sad how we often forget the importance of community and helping each other. Connection matters always
The sense of entitlement part is what really gets me, I wonder why so many especially the kids these day feel that way. Most will fail and that's just facts mate, you do got a point there with perhaps a reason for our continuous advancement endeavors
@tarazkp I do agree with you that life can be somehow hard for everyone and that sometimes we often forgot how to simply appreciate the things that comes and goes within it😊
Okay I'm gonna sound like I'm playing devil's advocate here but it's something I'm always trying to work on, and I think when you don't, that's when you become the dick of which you speak.
Actually, memory is determined by emotion - and it can be any kind of emotion. I bet you remember the birth of @smallsteps or meeting your wife pretty well. I remember the time my sister found $50 in the caravan park at Noosa when I was 9 and we got icecreams, and sitting on my Dad's back and reading 'cheese' when I saw the Kraft symbol in the paper when Dad was reading the job section when I was 3. The praise made the memory stick.
When we CHOOSE to only focus on the negatives, such as how we were treated by our ex wife when we got divorced, we end up bitter old men alone drinking in pubs and telling the same story over and over and over again like nothing good had ever happened to them at all. Dicks.
This is where I utterly agree with you - meaningful is community, is the love you share with family, being a kind human (because god knows the human race needs this reinforcement).
I love what you say about what 'leaks'. God knows I try to be content with my lot (which for most part I am - mortgage free, live in a beautiful place, lovely family etc etc etc) but still dammit, I'm going to moan that strawberries are now $7 a punnet! In many ways it's actually healthy to vocalise your discontent and frustration - because when it festers, it turns into anxiety and depression and frustration and so on.
I read this great article the other day where the woman said she's irrationally angry at all kinds of things - the woman who took too long to get moving at the petrol pump, the three quarter full latte, and so on. Tiny things. But she suggested it's the only recourse when her larger frustrations, worries and concerns are festering and when nothing can be done about them at all, like climate change or the US elections.
I think a lot of people are frustrated and angry in the face of things. Of course the multiple forms of media we're bombarded with don't help - gah, is the Finnish media as negative and doomsday as the Australian one? - so what can they do, but constantly let off small steams?
I think it's a larger philosophical question about how to live our lives, I am sure you'll agree. We can't leave massive marks on the world, unless you're like, the inventor of pencillin or something. The vast majority of us will die forgotten or at least be forgotten within a few generations. We have to be good with that. But we seem to have forgotten our larger responsibilities to be a part of unfolding humanity. That really, really matters.
Sometimes I think it's to our detriment we don't have a unifying church that teaches and guides us, and glues us together through community. Of course the church failed for many reasons, and I'm not for one minute suggesting that clap trap cult. But we do seem to be rudderless. So in the lack of rudders, individual human beings need to be the ones that guide - our family, friends, people we speak to online.
Anyway I'm rabbiting on. I've got complaining to do to the council about putting in development with tiny house blocks in a country town.
Yes, but these events are far apart, right? They are extreme highlights, but the days and therefore our lives, are not made of extreme highlights, it is made of the day to day experience. Our emotions arise before we have a chance to choose anything, however we are able to only after choose how we react to them and perhaps parse the emotion and choose to focus on other aspects. And then, if like the ex-wife story, the knock-on effects of the divorce keep impacting, like financial distress or something, then the source becomes a recurring problem, like a terminal illness.
And, it gives an opportunity to make changes in life, solve problems. Complaining is fine, as long as it is followed up by actions. Too much of the complaints are passive "I'm fat. I will eat another donut."
Nowhere near. But it is changing here too. Click revenue is all that matters.
Even the inventor of penicillin is unknown by many and will eventually be forgotten in total. We all will be - the speed of forgetting might change.
The internet offers the same religions, just far, far more fractured. It will never unify because unlike in the past, people can now pick and choose their religion based on their mood of the moment.
Yeah, it's the passivity that shits me. I knew a guy once - quite a close friend - who was a bit of a stoner but worked hard and made some good investments. Ended up snorting a lot of it and lost his wife and now lives in a shitty house where, no shit, you can see the bare earth through the floorboards.
I avoid him if I see him - there's a lot of lamentation about what went wrong (nothing to do with him of course) and how everything is going to hell in a hand basket.
I feel sorry for him but at the same time it's like, dude, sort your life out, you used to be a smart guy. Make good choices.
Yeah from a yogic or Buddhist perspective those base emotions can be observed, but shouldn't be acted upon, unless of course they are 'good' - kindness, compassion etc. The more you practice recognizing these emotions, the stronger that muscle gets, til eventually, positive reactions arise FIRST.
But that's the kind of philosophy that takes a while for most people to learn - that's what I mean about having guidance. If we knew our minds and how they worked, we might fare a little better. Add community and it's a much better recipe for happiness.
very well said...
it seems now many people also go around looking to be offended so they can go on social media and rant and feel vindicated.
over the years I have found that I am much happier with fewer and fewer things. I'm sure I would be an all-out minimalist if not for my wife and son...
It is interesting how we might change our lives without family considerations. This ties into what I was saying about not having children the other day also. Having children generally forces change, and people don't want to change what they like in unobligated life. But, having children often forces changes that are a better for society as a whole.
I think having children can also benefit a person for the better too. I know I try harder to be a better person than I would if I were alone. That unobligated life usually sounds good in theory but more often than not that responsibility of family life keeps me out of trouble and focused on not only living for today but also planing for the future in ways I might have otherwise.
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I think we just tend to focus on the negative stuff more because it usually hurts us so deeply. It's kind of like trust. It doesn't take much to gain it until you loose it. In the same way it's easy to gloss over the good things because the bad ones hurt so much. I still think that more people are dicks because there is less empathy in the world. People just don't care unless it's all about them. We've become selfish and have lost our compassion. Well some of us anyway!
At least when it comes to poker, weak players internalize wins but find reasons to downplay losses. The wins are because they’re smart players, the losses are just bad luck.
Doesn't this indicate that people who are too positive are foolish?
Guess I am an exception. Maybe not though. I spend a lot of time recalling memories and most of them are rather positive. More so than negative. Yes, current situation could be negative, but I try to stick to the highlights best I can.
Again, I think my brain may still be stuck there. My sense of purpose was lost when I was medically retired. My jobs were almost always serving a higher purpose of a community (in my case a country) and now I am struggling.
I am not going to argue with you here. This is where I am trying to find my relevancy again. Trying to find local veteran groups to volunteer with and stuff.
I'm not 100% sure about this. Perhaps the universal “blockchain” was created a long time ago and we will find out later how everything was in detail.
I do agree that a lot of people are more concerned about being seen/heard instead of doing something good. But I do think that in history, a lot of good was done and invented because people wanted to be remembered. We just need to redirect the energy from trying to be popular, into making/doing something that will make people remember.
You have got it. This is the thing, isn't it? Doing something meaningful in life, something memorable, should be something that improves the lives of others.
I used to have one habit of focusing on the negative things that have happened to me instead of being thankful for the good things that I have experienced so I changed that about me.
At the same time, we now have a lot of selfish people in the world who only care about themselves, and if it is not them or their family, they care less. I think almost everyone does this now which isn’t supposed to be so and it is funny that we all know this thing is not nice, but we keep on doing it, which means we are not ready for the change.
We now live in a stingy world. The world has changed. Back then and from what I read in books, people could literally bring in strangers into their homes to help them but not anymore
People are now being stingy and only clear about their family
Some don’t even care about the extended families
They only care about the nuclear family
Negative things tend to flood our minds more readily than positive ones. We tend to remember the wrong things people do to us more than the positive ones. I think this is just about human psychological frame.
Something for which many of us struggle: a sense of community, of humanity.
This reflection has made me think a lot....
The inventor of the Ferris wheel and the inventor of the Carousel lived in the same city but never met. They moved in different circles.