The unspoken feelings in 'bestieship'
I had a very close friend who also passed as my childhood friend. Our relationship was what I would say the longest friendship I've ever had. Everyone in our neighbourhood knew us. We were best friends. We would go out together, play together, do assignments together, and run errands together. It was such a sweet time. Then, off I went to boarding school.
During the holidays, I travelled back home and my friend had grown taller, broad-chested, bearded in the right places and very fine. He grew into a very fine man. I on the other side, remained a slim, tall brown-skinned lady that I've always been. Well, our relationship continued from where it stopped. We knew each other's secrets and crushes. In fact, I gave him OT to ask his crushes out.
There was one girl he finally dated. He was so in love with her or so I thought. I liked their relationship and I didn't hesitate to give him ideas on how to make it better even though we were teenagers. When they had issues, I would teach him how to sort it even though I wan inexperienced. We would plan her visit together, plan her meals, and prepare a plan on how they'll spend the time together. I left for school again, and I didn't return home for a long time, but we kept reaching out over the phone.
When we were finally done with school, it was a festive season, so I travelled home. We could now be called adults at this time. I wasn't in any relationship because I wasn't interested in getting into one, but I was enjoying my friend's ship. I finally met the lady and we would talk, gist, and laugh until she was ready to go. He introduced me as his best friend. It was such a beautiful time.
One evening, my friend called me out of the house. In his words, "it was an emergency". I rushed out to see him pacing. "What's wrong?", I asked." Monsuroh, you told me something last night, and I couldn't stop thinking about it. You said you were liking a guy, and you intend to give him a response tomorrow", he said. Yes, I did. You are in a happy relationship now, so what's all these about?
"I'm in love with you, Monsuroh", he responded.
Love, how? Guy, you are supposed to be my best friend. Where's all these coming from? Moreover, I don't feel the same way towards you. You're just a friend to me, and I don't intend to take it any further.
After this statement, I saw his eyes red almost as if it would burst in tears. I didn't say a thing. I just returned inside after a resounding negative answer. I didn't know how he would take it, and honestly, I didn't take it seriously. Our friendship continued like nothing happened, and his relationship was still very much intact.
I entered a relationship for the first time, and I let my best friend know that I had a relationship with some cute guy. I didn't know what his thoughts were until one night when he invited me out, once again. Then, he tried to force a kiss. That was when I knew that the friend-'ship' had sank.
What I tell people that say there's nothing wrong with one's partner having a best friend of the other gender is to wait until the best friend knows the secrets, troubles, happy and sad moments of their partner's life, while they know nothing. They should wait to see how free their partner is with the best friend more than with them, and watch gradually as they become each other's comfort. Then, they'll understand why their man/woman should have no other bestie apart from the partner.
As for me and my man, we are each other's bestie. If he wants to have another woman bestie, I'll be out of the picture cos I don't like stress, abeg.
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Awwww
I saw that coming
It’s very normal for your best friend to have feelings for you and that’s because communication breeds intimacy.
So yeah, I also agree with you. I have to be my man’s best friend if not then how are we even together?
I don't understand oooo. Me and my man should be bestieng each other, please.
Anything that concerns bestie count me out, is not trust issues but I hate to take risk.
There are risks that are not even worth taking, abeg.
The issue of besties as ruin a lot of relationships and more would still be if one doesn't do the right thing.
It's understandable to be close to someone from childhood, but as time goes on it's best we create some gap especially when it's the opposite gender , no partner will truely love the idea of their partner having a bestie of another gender, it's just create some aura of suspicion.
So best way forward is to make our partners our best pal, in your case I think you handled the situation well, he(your bestie) should focus on his relationship, not all friendship leads to the next level and in other not to jeopardize the trust, it best to stay at that.
There was one relationship I quietly bowed out off because he had a 'bestie' that no one could come in between them. Up till now, he doesn't know that was the major reason I left the relationship. Lol. What I don't give, I can't take, abeg as my tiny body does not like stress at all. eh eh.
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