The satisfying feeling of peace within

Since the second half of last year, it has been a roller coaster of many things that I’ve found a way to bury far away from my current self. Why? I really don’t want anything to tamper with the peace I currently feel.

It is amazing how we search for peace however we tend to get it at a place where everything seems so little, quiet and unappealing to many people. But, if it gives me peace, then nothing else matters.

As much as possible, I’ve tried to not be mentally stressed, even though the mental, physical, and emotional stressors kept showing up every market day. More than financial, there are many other things that could result to absence of peace. The peace I mean here isn’t the one you share with people, but the one you are able to find deep within yourself because that’s exactly when you’ll be able radiate and transfer the peace to other people around you.

This day last year, I got the place where I thought I would find peace, but it ended up becoming one of the worst decisions I took. I actually do not mind because making decisions like that is part of life. I wanted peace, but I looked in the wrong place. How? I was too desperate to find that peace that I fell prey to the situations resembling peace gifting me circumstances of lack of peace.

There’s peace, and there’s peace-like situations, so it is important to be able to discern which of them we yearn, but a careful analysis is needed.

Since the first day till my last day, it was hell literally. I met different versions of people who were looking like helpers but were just there to add to the discomfort I felt. They would wear the façade of safety when they are the actual danger to run far away from. But then, the spirit of discernment is an important character you will need at the long run.

My quest to deeply feel peace within has opened my eyes so clearly that I now know that there’s only a tiny space between lack of peace and depression. For someone that hates to share her problems, I was lucky to not have thought of suicide. I mean, my dad would be too heartbroken to hear that I left, and my mum? Nah, I don’t want those tears, so I fought strongly for my peace. How?

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I made myself scarce from my stressors that were in form of humans, and I repeatedly reminded myself of the many goodness I carry. As much as I take time to congratulate some of my people that are dead, I remind myself of the grace of God that I currently enjoy by just being alive. At some point, I locked my house and never looked back until I could be back there to move very far away from those living stressors. Having the best people as friends is one gift I’ll never stop appreciating nature for. The gift of good friends can never be underrated. During this period, I used my phone less, stayed more in my head, and had many assignments unsubmitted.

A few days ago, everything came to an end. I woke up yesterday, looked at the ceiling, heaved a sigh of relief and said, finally, here is the peace I craved.

One thing is, no matter how hard it gets, there’s always a form of relief that’ll happen maybe soon or not. It’ll surely happen only if we can keep the hope alive and keep at it. There’ll be so much peace to go around only if you are able to find peace within yourself. That feeling of peace within is one I never want to trade for anything and never will. With the much peace I feel right now, conquering my next capstone project will be a walk in the park.

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