To laugh or cry - [WE103] Weekend-Engagement concept

[WE103] Weekend-Engagement concept

The above-linked WEEKEND theme post has four situations and you can choose any one of them as a topic of the weekend and write about it.

I spent some time thinking about what to write and funnily, each one appealed to me although I cannot write all because it would be like describing my life in detail and I am sure even I would not like to read such a long post. Sigh. Some things are best left like that. It is not as if I do not wish to remember my past situations. It is just that it is too painful at times and to relive it is to undergo suffering once again.

You might think that I am a happy-go-lucky person jumping from this place to that. My friend once told me that those who laugh the most have deep hurts inside. It would take a genuine friend to understand the hurt beneath the smile.

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Laugh and cry

Such a situation has happened not once but two or three times in my life but I would like to choose one and share it with you all.

This happened when I was studying in the tenth standard as it is called in India. Grade 10 and we were preparing for the Secondary school examinations. After which we students could choose to go to college pre-university or continue in the Plus Two CBSE in the school itself.

Needless to say, the 10th exam was and is still considered important and the students and teachers are in a constant state of worry regarding performance and grades. It's like a do-or-die situation.

My parents on the other hand were cool. I used to spend hours studying my books late into the night and my mother would sit nearby reading some other book just to keep me company. I thank her for that. Bless her soul.

We students had to go to school during weekends too to attend special classes and the teachers too would spend their free time making sure we were well prepared.

The date of the model exam was nearing and one day I was summoned to the principal's room. Also our geography teacher. She came out of her room and started chiding me severely saying she would not allow me to appear for the exam that year because according to her I was an average student.
It would mean that I would lose a year and also be a disappointment to my parents and also have to leave school to join another and start all over again.
My life flashed before my eyes and I was too stunned to speak. Thankfully, none of my classmates were near.
I could still see the determined look in her eyes. She seemed to be like a person who was taking out some sort of vengeance on me, I felt.

Too numb to speak, I walked away and because it was a Saturday, we had to travel by public transport. I sat on the window seat and tears flowed from my eyes. The lady sitting near me looked at me and started asking me why I was crying. She must have assumed something else. I did not reply and shook my head. She then looked back and saw my classmate and asked him something. He was the topper and though he was puzzled by my behavior, did not speak. The lady went on to say soothing words thinking it was some other issue.

All of a sudden I started laughing and she must have felt funny. It was a - I don't know whether to laugh or cry situation for me. I wanted to laugh loudly because of what the lady said but in my heart, I was dreading what the teacher had said earlier. You know, it was like a life-changing situation.

Anyways, I told my dad about what happened. He asked me to make a timetable and study hard. I did that. For the next two months, we were allowed to stay at home and study and only go to the school for attending the model exams.

I was allowed to attend the exams and when the results were published I got distinction which made my parents very happy.
Sometimes, it takes a jolt to make us more dedicated and work relentlessly to succeed in life.

How did this situation help me later in life?

It made me wary of people to an extent. I also made sure that I did my work and assessed it first before submitting it to another. Even now after I left a corporate job and became a homemaker cum farm worker, I still try to 'taste test' everything before giving others.

Is it fear? maybe.
It has however made me very lenient towards my son. I never force him to learn or bother about his grades. However, I did encourage him to read outside of his textbooks and it has helped him a lot.

What I went through is an experience I would not want for any children.

Have you gone through such an experience?