The importance of maintaining a healthy relationship in a joint family
Only we can teach our kids
Yesterday we went to a family ritual that reminded me the importance of maintaining a healthy relationship in a joint family - a very strong value that is slowly fading away. With time, most people want to live in a nuclear family, and forget all others but then there comes a time when you really miss all the strength that you get from maintaining that good relationship. I understand the pain points that you have to face if we are forced to stay in a joint family. With time, the good old days of big joint family is like a lost paradise. But at least we can maintain close relationships with everyone by being present when the necessity arises. For some people, there are excuses not to attend these occasions but with that trend, slowly our kids getting habituated with living an artificial life (ya, all the gadgets are their relatives) and they don't even recognize relatives. But remember one thing - those blessings, encouragement, inspirations that they get from the elders in these occasions are expensive - now a days, you won't get blessings for free.
It was the final ritual on the sad demise of my wife's uncle, on the 12th day, after all the acts of rites at home, the family offers a meal inviting all near and dears. Even though, its a little far from my house, I always ensure, we attend all such family functions, specially these ones. These are the occasions, when you see all the family members at one place and let the kids know everyone. And this gathering brings the strength in the family to start a new journey.
The day was super hot, there were no air conditioners, everyone was sweating but none of these could affect the joy of the gathering which makes us more hungry. Kids initially were complaining but slowly they forgot everything and started enjoying the company.
They were the ones who ate at last - the son and the son-in-law. The lady met most of her family members and the meal offered was a pure vegan lunch ( no onion or garlic even) but it was delicious. No one was willing to leave even after finishing the lunch - ever experienced it ? We went to their home to spent some more time and capture some nice moments.
Kripa - the little adorable girl did not realize us the time. Ask her where her school is and she tells her school is in a foreign country. Everyone enjoyed her company. And all the uncles sharing their life stories - how many times they failed before becoming success. While we were busy in one room, all the elderly ladies were busy talking in another room and it was me who spoiled the plan - we had to leave so that we could come back before evening.
The road by which we went, goes through a wild forest. It was fun to see boards put there saying Elephants are our friends :) We did capture some nice moments in the scenic environment, I will post them soon. Here is a glimpse.
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It is really nice to have family gathering where everyone eat and rejoice together which is awesome and am quite sure you had a nice time with your family as well.
Ya, it was a nice day - some scenic experience and family get together at the same time.
Family rituals are important part of get together. I know blessings can be quite expensive. It's part of our relationship with our relatives !
Ya, and its so much of love and happiness in everyone's face - unless we take our kids to these functions, they won't learn.
I already know from your previous posts how important family is in your culture. I mean not just the basic family like you, your wife and your kids but also the extended family or as you call it the joint family. I really like this tradition. I think in my country, the joint family only meet on some very special (and thus rare) occasions but this is of course individual too, each family have their own way of doing things...
Btw, you mentioned that it was a super hot day... I keep reading in our media that some parts of India and Pakistan are suffering from a devastating heat wave these days with temperatures reaching up to 50 degrees Celcius. How is the situation in your region? Are you ok?
The extended family gathering is always a pleasure, so we don't miss them. And our traditions are nicely built to honor them - there are some special roles of each relation in each occasion. On the heat wave, my region is doing better this time I think. We are yet to cross 45°C. Its hanging around 40, and we are adjusted with that.
Wow, 40 C is still very high. I would struggle really bad in 40 C so I cannot even imagine what it must be like to live in 50 C. And it´s not even summer yet, crazy... I feel sorry for all the people and animals who are facing the consequences of the climate change on the front line :(
I can play cricket at 40°C :) Life makes you adjust what we have. Imagine about all the people who do the field work in summer - the govt has restricted the working hours, which is a good move.
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kids are encouraged to share whatever they get with their siblings and cousins and do things together and learn to accomodate others and learn to coexist in a joint family.
Ya, these are the opportunities when they know each other.
Maine aapke bohot sare posts mai dekha hai ki aap kisi na kisi bahane se apne pariwar ke sath samay bitate hai... Or ye bhi bilkul sahi baat hai ki jiss tarike se hum apne bacche ke samne behave karte hai waisa hi bacche sikhte bhi hai.. Aapke post se hamesa kuch na kuch sikhne ko milta hai @sanjeevm.stem
मेरा बस चले तो मैं हर महिने एक फंक्शन करवाता :)
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You had a good day with your relatives.
Honestly speaking, I am not in favor of joint families. This system spoils several aspects of personal life. However, I am not in favor of abondoning your relatives either. We must keep on meeting each other on the occassion of happiness and on the occasion of sorrows. I love the gatherings as well after every couple of months. Our relatives and social circle makes us strong in the society.
Something that I don't like about joint family is the unnecessary interferrance of others in your personal matters. At times it becomes difficult for us to handle our kids. My point is the relationship with the relatives be within healthy boundaries. We should be close but with a healthy distance.
How about your father @sanjeevm ? Did he feel some betterment in his Alzheimer?
Ya, I get that, but as you said, at least we should keep it close with a healthy distance to help each other when needed. Unfortunately people are not comfortable with that as well.
They would regret it in the later years of their lives
Great interesting post. You have a big beautiful family. The family is strong because its impressions are constant, ordinary, that it acts imperceptibly, strengthens the human spirit, like the air we breathe.
Namaste my brother! Thanks for your support on my post! Really appreciate and it is avery warm welcome for me! What a beautiful family, really iam a little bit jealous of you! Greetings from Greece;
Events like burial and weddings brings people together, and all I can say is that irrespective of everything, the events looks colorful even if was a burial meant to grieve a lost one, it was probably for the celebration of life well lived.
Yes, this is the last one on 12th day, to invite others to the grand meal and that is how a new beginning starts. Life has to move on.
The saying goes; it takes a village to raise a child. Which I agree with to a certain extent. When it is a village in the sense that it is one large family. When it comes to nosey and interferring neighbours or distant relatives then they can keep their opinions to themselves. So I agree with your title. KEEPING GOOD RELATIONSHIPS. It's all about nurturing. Both relationships with family as well as theirs into future relationships
I have not stayed in a joint family, but one thing I can say is if you are giving love and care to someone else, you will get the same in back. So yes most important thing is taking care about other. Every parent should reach their kids about family and care❤️, parents are the best teachers for a kid.