How Important is Self-love, Even In Relationships?
When it comes to life in general, love and relationships inclusive, there's a need to talk about self-love. It's no news that many people in the world today lack self-love, which can be as a result of their pasts, experiences, and alot of other factors. According to statistics or study, 85% of us suffer from low self-esteem, which can also be interpreted to mean “self doubt". Self doubt is so prevalent in our world today, causing people to lose confidence in themselves, preventing them from becoming who they ought to be, killing the dreams of young boys and girls, and destroying potential relationships and marriages...The damage posed by self doubt is just so terrible!
This post explains what self-love is about, how important it is, and how self-love can be built.
In simple terms, what is self-love? Self-love means loving one's self. It means to have a high self-esteem. There is a need to note that self-love isn't about being perfect or self-centered, but about valuing or placing a high value on yourself. To me, I consider self-love as a bedrock of building yourself. When you love yourself, you are able to grow and explore, because you don't feel inferior. You do not have a feeling of unimportance. It motivates you to work on your dreams, goals, and area of improvements. Also, self-love enables you to love others, because you cannot love others well if you don't love yourself. This reminds me of a quote by Charles Bukowski:
If you have the ability to love, love yourself first.
The importance of self-love are so numerous. When you love yourself, you eventually build self-awareness. Many people find themselves from the definitions given to them by others. They wait to receive comments and compliments (both positive and negative) on who they are and how people see them (their perception of people). They hold on to or accept these comments and compliments, then use them to define who they are. For example, children come into this world without self awareness. They come with empty minds. If a child is trained to believe that he or she is a monkey, he or she will believe and begin to act like one. That's what happens when you accept what people say about you, even when what they are saying is false. When you have self-love, you get to sift what people call you, because you truly know who you are. Also, as it concerns relationships, having self-love helps you know what you desire, your boundaries, and needs. These help you know what you truly want in a partner, not paying attention to those physical attributes that may be appealing to the eyes. I find this interesting because I have learnt alot from this. For example, spiritually speaking, the woman is meant to support the man to achieve all that he has been made to achieve, while the man is meant to “cultivate" the woman and bring out the best in her. Little wonder he is referred to as the “husband" (from the word “husbandman" ). This is partnership. Why I earlier said it is interesting is because many don't know what they are to look out for, so they end up with just anyone.
Another thing self-love does to you is that it makes you have a sense of completeness. You would not need to rely on anyone, including your partner to complete you. Let me dive into relationship a bit. it's unfortunate that many people enter relationships without first being complete. Before you consider being in a marriageable relationship, the issue of completeness should be settled. Many enter relationships and hope that their partners would complete them. But, there's this wholeness that is required to have a successful relationship, because it will really affect the way you love and also how you experience love. Some of the advantages of being complete before being in a relationship is that you get to choose right, settle with a good person, you will earn the respect you deserve, you won't be treated badly... it's just like saying “when you respect yourself, people will respect you". When you are complete, whoever comes into your life becomes an addition. One power of completeness is that you become very attractive, even people would not want to lose you. So they get to treat you with respect.
Self-love also enables you to set boundaries that are healthier. Setting boundaries is so important. What I have observed lately is that many people tend not to set boundaries because they are scared that it will push others away from them. However, setting boundaries is really crucial for commanding respect. Setting boundaries always bring about honor and value. Also, as regards relationship, it attracts a partner who respects those boundaries. So you get to become more selective in choosing a partner. When you love yourself so much, you will want to settle with someone with shared values. This will cause the relationship to “flow" smoothly.
What are the several ways to develop self-love?
One of them is to be intentional about making out time for activities that give you joy and relaxation. This may include exercising, reading, watching movies, listening to songs, spending time with friends and loved ones, and spending time in nature.
Another way is to speak positively to your self. Many people are fond of speaking negative words to themselves when they feel down. It's understandable that you are disappointed or you feel bad. However, those words carry weight and they can begin to sink deep into your mind or spirit, and then you begin to believe all the negative words you have spoken. No matter the situation you find yourself, learn to speak positively. If anyone should call me what I know I'm not, I remind myself of who I am. That way, I'm encouraging myself and shutting out what is not. You can criticize yourself, however, do so constructively so as to prevent emotional damage.
Thirdly, be committed to self-care, and this goes beyond the physical. It includes nurturing your mental and emotional well-being too. When you are emotionally sound, it enables you to connect well or become emotionally available to your partner in relationship.
Lastly, develop self-compassion...this involves treating yourself kindly, especially when mistakes are made. Accept your flaws and failures. They are partly responsible for your growth. No one is perfect. We all make mistakes... When we realize we aren't perfect, it makes us conscious of the fact that we need to forgive people, which in turn helps you and your partner. Self-compassion enables you to have empathy towards your partner, when they make mistakes.
Thanks for reading! Kindly share your thoughts with me. 😊