Do Not Punish Yourself For Someone's Offence

Someone may have done something to you, maybe willingly or unintentionally to provoke you, but how do you respond even after the offence has been done? Some people find it difficult to forgive and this has made them to keep bearing grudges and unforgiveness in their mind, thereby making themselves vulnerable to many psychological challenges. You may not know, but unforgiveness does a lot of harm to you than the offence itself. The person that offended you may have even moved on, but you are still tied down by not forgiving them. You are not doing them a favour or giving them undeserved rights by forgiving them, rather you are doing both your mind and body a favour by forgiving.

Many years back, one of my neighbours did something I never expected, at least not from her. I felt so bad that she could do something like that even after all I had done for her. The act pained me so much, and to make matters worse, instead of coming to apologise, she was justifying her actions. The people that were present to witness the action tried to call her out for her misdeeds but she did not listen. Because of this, for about 1 week, I did not talk to her, and it degenerated into unforgiveness. But for the fact that we lived in the same neighbourhood means that we cannot avoid each other, because we pass through the same gate and we normally see more than 2 times in a day.

I noticed that each time I saw her, my heart would skip and the offence would be replayed again. This became so bad that I lost interest in coming back home just to avoid seeing her. For 2 day, I stayed with a friend outside the neighbourhood. But I quickly realized that I was already punishing myself because of someone's misdeeds. Within just one week, I was already looking so unusual simply because of one unforgiveness. Then I had to make up my mind to forgive the offender and forget the offence, and that was when I found my peace back. All the while that I harboured unforgiveness, my peace was affected, my thoughts, and very many things in my life. But when I forgave, it was like a breath of fresh air.

There is a good feeling that comes when you know that you do not have any grudge or unforgiveness against anyone. You do not have to wait for the person to first apologise before you deem it fit to forgive. In fact, whether they apologise or not, it should not stop you from moving on from the offences and forgiving them. You have to know that forgiveness is neither optional nor a choice but a requirement for the sake of your inner peace. However, you have a choice of friendship and a choice of either keeping the person or letting them go. That you have forgiven someone does not automatically mean that you have established friendship with them, neither does it grant them access to your life.

If you have lived in a state of unforgiveness, you will agree with me that there is nothing as tiring and can put someone in captivity as it. In fact, the person that you are angry with may not even be aware and you will be tying yourself down and subjecting your emotions into personal torture simply because you have refused to forgive. You will notice that if you bear offence against someone, just a mere sight of them or bumping into them can spoil your mood and can even scatter your happiness for the day, and might even make your heart pound fast. This shows the torment associated with unforgiveness.

When someone offends you or you feel offended by someone's actions or inaction, the right thing to do to take it off your chest is to approach the person and talk it over. But in a case where you cannot approach the person or the person is not receptive to what you are saying, you still need to forgive them nonetheless. After all, you do not need them to see things from your perspective if they do not want to, but you can still take them off your chest. Remember that when you forgive people, you do yourself more great deal of good and your mind will become at peace and at rest, then you will channel your energy towards a more productive thing and be a better human.

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