A phase of silence - 11 months dealing with depression and PTSD

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Each person evolves at their own speed, no one really goes slow or fast.
The only thing permanent in this world is change, there are changes for the better and there are changes that are not very favorable. But change is a constant that will always be present.
The photography is very beautiful, I always admire your good taste in images.

As I was reading this I had a thought... I hope I can articulate it clearly.

I wonder, because of the ways you learned to cope with childhood trauma, if you used those same coping mechanisms when you fled the war. From what I have learned about coping mechanisms, they serve us in the moment, but because we got stuck using them for extended periods it got ingrained into us as a normal way to cope. I mean, why wouldn't it, since it was our normal and we needed it to function/survive. But they stop being useful when we attempt to grow away from the trauma. What I am wondering (and I am not a psychologist so take this with a grain of salt), is that if you started working on healing from the earliest trauma you remember at the moment, it might have a cascading effect. And maybe give you more clarity for your healing journey.

Basically, recognizing what behaviors were developed when shit was first fucked up for you, seeing how you were wronged and developing self-compassion around that, then moving forward one step at a time with more self-love and understanding while identifying more shit that needs to be healed.

I hope this doesn't sound preachy or like it's coming from a light and easy place. It's fucking hard work, scary, too. And when it comes to noticing others who look like they have it easy, jealousy is what you feel and it is exactly right because it is your feeling. And probably they do have it easier than you. I still get envious of people who handle big social situations like a piece of cake, and people who had better childhoods than me and were able to develop healthier behaviors from a much younger age. Envy is normal, anyway. Helps us grow, too, if we use it right.

I'm glad you have a therapist to vent to, one that listens and also observes what you are taking in. And I'm sorry the EMDR didn't work out. I heard also about a technique called brain spotting that uses eye movements but doesn't require recalling the traumatic experience. I don't know anything about it, though.

Also, I'm here if you need someone to reach out to. I know how painful it feels to question one's own existence. And I like you a lot better alive than not.

Hey, had you tried lavanda or basil tea?
It does have calming effects.

🍀

@priyanarc...

!LADY

It definitely took a lot of courage to write this all down. I'm glad you got it all out.

I know trying to hide your pain won't help or heal it, and it will quite often seep out in your adult life. There's an old saying that as an adult we have to heal the child within. It's surprising how much trauma and upset we carry with us into adulthood.

I'm glad you are hanging in there. X

Hey :( Big hugs, first of all.

Secondly. It sounds as though the therapist wasn't very sensitive and went too fast. I've understood that if you dissociate during trauma processing, that you can embed the trauma further. It sounds like this may have happened?

There are so many "therapists" running around who are just shit, quite frankly :( In it for the ego and money. The end. This makes me super angry actually. But me and my son had two plus years of PTSD to unpack because of exactly this.

And our local police force. God bless their ignorant, gender biased socks. 😡

Anyhoo. You do have a choice here, my friend. Recovery is possible. Perhaps when you feel safe enough to continue. Or decide whether you want to. Or whether you need to.

Perhaps this is recovery? And the highs and lows of PTSD are gone and the middle ground feels "flat" ?

You could always find a good plant medicine person as well and try Psilocybin
if it's legal in your area. It is in some US states now. In conjunction with a good coach/mentor/therapist if you must, for emotional support, and physical rebuild of the nervous system, this, could help.

Be patient. Recovery takes time <3

I recognize myself in your post... So strange. From the outside, it may seem that we are different, our situations are different, and so are our reactions to all this. But somehow I have the same challenges and feelings. I don't sleep well, and two nights ago I didn't sleep at all. I was like a zombie, and I had to skip my work. This makes me think that ... we no nothing about the people around us. Maybe they are good actors and know how to pretend normal and hide their feeling, or maybe we are inattentive and busy with our affairs. Anyway, this war will greatly affect the whole generation.

I wish I could hug you, or make you some tea, and it would make us feel a little better. Hold on, dear, I know you may hate these words already ... be kind to yourself but don't give up.

Sending you my virtual hugs and !LUV

Every person has challenges in life to deal with. It's on us how we handle it. I hope you can surpass this one. Just take it as a challenge on you that will evolve you into a great person. just keep going at your pace. Where here to listen to what you've been through. Fighting @priyanarc

Hello priyanarc!

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