The on and off switch

All my life I've always been that quiet guy who likes to keep to himself and this was because I learnt from an early age that the more you kept to yourself, the lesser trouble you got into. And that worked so fine for me until now.

You see back then I had no reason to want to socialise because I was always at home and couldn't go to any parties because of how young I was, so my kind of person then was suitable for the kind of life I had back then too.

But now it's a whole different ball game as I've gotten to that age where I can't just think about just myself anymore, I'm at that age where people get upset when I don't show up for their birthday parties and stuff. So now I have to do these things and learn to love doing it because parties are meant to be fun after all.

The only downside to this whole thing is that I really get shy when it's time to let loose and just have fun, and this is because I always have that constant reminder at the back of my head, reminding of how I grew up and always trying to drag me back to my old self.

And this is why whenever I do feel like having fun, I take a little bit of alcohol to silence that voice and just let me enjoy the moment. Doing that has worked perfectly for me as people tend to appreciate the fun side of me more than the quiet side.

_{photo by Michael Discenza}

Unfortunately, having to get intoxicated everytime I feel like having fun isn't a way anyone should live their lives and that is why I had decided to put a stop to it and instead try forcing that fun side out on its own because after all, the drunk part of me and the quiet part of me are still the same me, I just have to look for that on and off switch.

That switch that ones flicked, could either see me being quiet when I want to be, and a lot more fun when I want to either. But first of all, I just have to deal with this shyness because if there's one thing I've come to realize, is that one of the many reasons why alcohol helps, is because it takes away my shyness and replaces it with morale.

Anyways, it's either I find that switch or I just remain at home because I'm tired of going to parties and being the only guy just seated there, watching everyone else have the best time of their lives.