Finding Happiness in the Sadness

Yesterday was one of those days where something bad had happened in my life and for a moment I felt like just giving up and not doing anything ever again, but luckily for me, I had somehow found a way to do what I needed to do because there's no giving up over here.. Just like the saying goes, as long as there's life, there's hope.

_{photo by Shuvro Mojumder}

I remember back in the day whenever I was seeing one of those Nigerian village movies and something tragic happens to a particular family member (let's say they unexpected lose their father to the cold hands of death), and then they show another scene where the family is together and probably having a laugh about something, I would always ask myself how they were able to do that, to find happiness in the midst of such sadness.

It was a question I often thought about from time to time but didn't bother to ask anyone about it, which was a bit strange, considering the fact that I always asked my dad about stuff bothering me back then.

But then that same tragic thing happened to me and I remember few days before the burial, I and my siblings were gathered in a room in the village and we were just talking about stuff and laughing, not because we were happy but because that was the only thing that felt right for us to do at that moment, to find happiness in the sadness.

It was like the entire atmosphere was too sad that we couldn't even be sad anymore and our only option was to look for a reason to smile. That was the day I got the answer to the question I never asked anyone.

The pain will always be there, we just have to move on, or it will consume us and take us with it. Unfortunately I tried looking for that happiness yesterday but it was no where to be found. It was almost as if there wasn't enough pain yet in the room and yet what had happened to me felt really really painful.

Unfortunately I can't really go into details but it's not something fatal, just really really personal and I'm happy to say that I've found a way to move on and live with it and it doesn't even hurt anymore, but yesterday was hell on earth for me, and it's a day I pray never repeats itself ever again.