A Therapist who needs Therapy

_{Photo by Priscilla Du Preez}

I've probably mentioned it here a couple of times that I'm someone who finds it hard to trust and confide in people even though almost all of my friends come to me for exactly the same thing. It's not something I'm proud of but I think having to help everyone deal with their mess has given me the mentality that they can't help me deal with mine.

Unfortunately, when I'm going through certain bad periods in life, one of the decisions I take in trying to solve them is to first of all, shut everyone off completely. I go be in my little own private world with all of my problems and most times I don't say anything to anyone even though that problem is eating me up.

And sometimes when I eventually get it solved and decide to joke about it with my friends, they come up with really amazing ideas that if I had those ideas when I first had those problems, it wouldn't had been that much of a problem.

Now one would think that after realising that, I'd learn to be more open next time but no, it never is the case. I still go back to not saying anything to anyone when I need help and will just carry every thing on my head until I eventually get it solved. Well I got schooled today.

I was going through some issues earlier today and I had disappeared as usual from everyone. Well one of my friends noticed and had come look for me. We got talking and at first I was just going to tell him that I was going through some hard times and not really go into details but some how, I found myself talking and didn't stop.

To be honest, it was probably because the more I talked, the less of a burden I felt like I was carrying, so I just continued talking and he listened to every word I said to him. And by the time I was done, I felt a whole lot better even before he could say anything to me. I never knew that just talking to someone about your problems could help in such a way.

After we were done talking, the next few minutes were spent with me begging and asking him to not really get upset with me because he was (because I was going through stuff and decided to shut him off rather than talk to him or my other friends).

We're cool now but the best part of this whole thing is that I'm finally starting to loosen up and not be so uptight about the things I say to people. Though this is a progress, I honestly doubt how long it will last but for now, I'm just going to celebrate my little progress.