Finalmente, la necesidad del NO

La autoridad de los padres se pierde al ceder a los caprichos desconsiderados de los hijos enseñándoles así que siempre podrán salirse con la suya. Además, está la posibilidad de que los hijos piensen que alguien tan fácil de manipular no merezca respeto y por si fuera poco, con el paso de los años puede resultar que albergue resentimientos contra los padres por no haber actuado con más firmeza.

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Si se te hace difícil...

Mírate en cada niño.

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Crezcamos juntos mirando a los niños 👦👧

Recuerda tu infancia... 📌

INICIATIVA

La necesidad del NO

📌 Reflexiona sobre tu infancia y comparte en un post tu experiencia con el NO y luego Compara tu actuación como adulto y el tratamiento que das con el NO a los niños a tu cargo:

Piensa en:

• El modo y las veces en que recibiste un NO durante tu infancia.
• La frustración o el disgusto que como niñ@ experimentaste o quizás tu experiencia fue positiva.
• Tu vida como adulto y quizás con hijos que criar o sobrinos, primos, nietos, alumnos que cuidar, cuéntanos cuál es tu experiencia con ellos y el NO.

📌 Escribe una publicación o presenta un video donde reflexiones y compares tu infancia con las de tus hijos, en caso de no ser madre ni padre, puedes compararla con la de niños a tu cargo.

📌 Publica en la Comunidad Holos&Lotus

📌 Usa las etiquetas #NecesidadDelNo y #NecessityOfTheNo

📌 Invita a otros a unirse a esta reflexión.

• Igualmente @mundo.autismo apoyará esta iniciativa especial infantil y lo seguirá haciendo en las sucesivas con mucho cariño contribuyendo al crecimiento en Hive.

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Columna interactiva

¡Mirad a los niños!

Junto a @parauri

Este espacio es gracias a @holos-lotus y @lotus-es:

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Banner de la Columna diseñado por @parauri.
Fotos y todas las imágenes propias usando Corel e Ilustrator.
Video por Guía-Infantil

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•• IN ENGLISH ••

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Dear friends, once again we meet again in a new edition of my column Look at the Children from the @Holos-lotus Community. This time I come to touch on an important topic that causes some controversy but we can develop it together through the initiative that I bring to you and that I present at the end of this column. I have already mentioned many times the responsibility we have as parents in the formation of the character of children, so the approval and censure in parenting should be applied wisely and timely.

We know the importance of emotional well-being in children and parents tend to look for everything that generates happiness, but we must be convinced that this involves more than just giving rewards to the child, because censure is vital to avoid the formation of selfish children. However, although there are many advantages, so are the difficulties when it comes to saying NO to the little ones of the house.

Saying NO, a common problem

Please, during the development of this topic, do not confuse censorship with mistreatment, nor rely on particular situations to degrade children.

From my own experience, parents and adults in general, we face a common problem and that is that children do not like to be told no. Although I include myself as a mother at the beginning of this paragraph, I recognize that the experience with NO in my children has been positive but fulfilling my role as a columnist of children and family issues, I have decided to bring this topic thinking about adults and children who can easily fall into capricious behaviors.

Continuing with the theme of NO, there are some extreme cases and it is when children get upset, cry, scream, hit, it seems that there is no way for them to calm down and that is when the only "apparent" solution is to bow to the magnitude of the tantrum. This is how we mistakenly believe that we are showing patience to our children, when in reality in this way we are hurting them and this will bear bad fruits in their character. Although it may seem amazing, when we are not diligent in the correct formation of the character of our demanding children, we are guilty of emotionally damaging that child who will relate to other children and will grow up to be an adult believing that the world owes him/her everything.

The NO that is YES

It is very common to see a NO become YES, and perhaps cause laughter these lines when remembering similar scenes, but more than grace is concern what it should cause. Certainly every time a child gets upset when something is denied, it tests the patience of parents and I would say the wisdom, because you have to have intelligence to act with cunning or vice versa, thus avoiding giving in to inappropriate behaviors in our children. It is clear that it is a problem of obedience that involves resistance to NO.

The solution

Of course it is exhausting to deal with children who resist NO and here we can learn how to get children to obey censures. The first thing we must be clear about is that it is not wrong to say NO. So do not let discouragement win over us because it is possible to maintain control of the children without continuous pitched battles. I make a special call to parents of children who may be presenting ADHD, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, to mention a condition that is characterized by impulsive behaviors which must be understood and treated properly without mistakes, that is to say without bad judgments or mistreatment, but with great responsibility in the medical treatment they require. Now, next, I will mention what we should know about NO:

❣️It is not cruel. It is not bad to say NO, so do not feel guilty even though now there is a lot of talk about negotiating by reasoning by giving explanations to the children, because you should not say NO to avoid feelings of resentment. Of course, that the child will be upset to receive a negative response, that is normal, but believe me that over time what seems bad will be something good and is that the child will learn a valuable lesson, will be able to understand that in life you can not have everything.

❣️Training for adolescence. When children understand that they cannot satisfy all their desires, adolescence can be assumed with greater possibility of saying NO to vices and illicit or indecent proposals.

❣️Prepares for adulthood. By having adequate experience with NO, i.e. with censorship and limits, children in adulthood will know that you don't always get what you want and that the world will not serve them on a silver platter their whims. They will be responsible adults with their environment and not self-centered.

Frustration to be happy

As parents we want happy children and for that they must know how to deal with frustration. This sounds a little strange, but believe me if our children have never felt frustrated, upset or angry with us, this could be a dangerous sign that we are not doing our job well as parents and when the children are adults they will suffer the consequences for not having received a correct formation of their character.

Without losing the objective

So, if we want the children to become a responsible and happy adults who control their emotions we must be clear that they will not achieve this by granting them every whim. So saying no is an important aspect of your child's education that will help rather than hurt. As parents it is our responsibility to teach self-control to our children through NO.

Ok, but... How to say NO?

Something important is not to say NO just to show that we are in charge, like dictators. That way you will not have a positive influence on the child and if the intention is to make him/her afraid, it is a serious mistake, because you have to seek obedience with and out of respect. Regardless of the temperament of the child and even the age, here I share some recommendations that well applied (reasonably) give good results:

❣️Firmness. You have to be blunt, without being an ogre, taking into account that you should not change the NO and even less to try so hard to convince the child to accept the censorship.

❣️Keep your opinion. As a parent you may suffer from acting firmly and children may resist obeying, but the child's attitude will improve when he/she realizes that the NO received means business.

❣️Do not justify yourself as a parent. You should not explain too much to the child about the NO you received because he will doubt your firmness as a parent.

❣️Be reasonable. It is forbidden to say NO as an abuse of power. Remember that there will be times to say YES to children, as long as the request is acceptable and not as a result of giving in to a tantrum.

It may sound contradictory and may seem like dictatorial orders, but let's just remember to act as balanced parents. Another important thing is to be clear about roles, because it is a serious mistake to treat children as equals, parents have a role and children another, all under respect must fulfill their responsibilities.

Here is a video from Guía-Infantil. I invite you to listen to psychologist María Luisa Ferrerós.

When and how we should set limits for children.