Chapters of Growth: Living, Losing, and Loving

As a kid, I didn't quite understand what adults meant whenever they said, "We never stop learning." I usually looked at them in bewilderment, as it seemed to me as though they wanted to confine me to the four walls of school forever.

I didn't quite like school at that time, and I associated the word "learning" with it, so I expected to stop learning someday and to be free from the burden that the piles of math homework brought me.

I grew up to understand much better what they meant: that life is an ocean of lessons, and we learn them every day, at different times for different people. I am quite a young chap, but I surely have experiences of my own and lessons learned, and those are what this post is about.

Life is harder when you don't live

For most of my life, I have usually held myself back too much. I often worried too much about the opinions people would have of me when I did certain things, especially failing. I would anticipate the failure or embarrassment that may follow and then hold myself back from doing what I may have intended to do in the first place. I hear it's called "Imposter Syndrome," the feeling of not being enough.

Holding back too often and unnecessarily is quite depressing, as one lives way below their potential. Being different from myself is like pulling myself into a conundrum and acting like a completely different person. I did that a lot while I was at the university, and I'll say that it was not fun—worrying too much about how one is perceived by others.

I am trying to "live" now and put myself out there in the best ways I can. I am opening myself up more, letting my principles, personality, and perspectives be clear and known now. For example, I am usually witty, as someone would describe me, and when I am not accepted, I take my energy somewhere else and, well, live!

You don’t always get what you want, and that's okay.

I do not like to lose, to not get what I want, or to not get what I feel I deserve, but it's unhealthy. I don't feel great when things don't go as expected. And that's where the problem usually lies—in my expectations. They are usually too high.

I have learned too often that one should lower their expectations to prepare them to bounce off failure—if that happens—and also make the win feel good if they succeed instead.

If we could always win, then nobody truly would. And not winning doesn't mean one is the worst or a failure. It simply means that they didn't win this time and should embrace and understand that it is okay.

Love is more than a feeling. It is a choice.

I have been in quite a number of relationships, and after having more of them not go so well, I have grown to realise that love isn't automatic.

One shouldn't just claim to love and expect everything to fall into place. One has to make deliberate efforts to make it work, making love a choice. You choose to love, do it unconditionally, be sensitive to the other person's emotions and feelings, and actively invest in the relationship. Else, from strangers did they both meet, and strangers will they revert to in the end.

These are a few of lessons I have learnt and keep with me. They may not be applicable to other people as we are all different, but I believe they are relatable to some extent. Thank you for reading!