Life Is Simple... Relationship Should Too.
Being a marriage counsellor, I have been asked many times by people if it is okay to spend so much money on a marriage proposal and I always ask the question which is, "What's the main purpose of a marriage proposal?".
A video went viral some months ago where a guy made a grand wedding proposal and at first, I had mistaken it for a wedding ceremony. He went pretty too far and in the end, the girl said "I am sorry, I can't do this." Most of the time, people just want to show off and the whole point is lost. Understand your partner first and know what works for you two. Life isn't that hard. Relationship shouldn't be this washed up.
She ran out of the hall and everyone present to cheer them were left dumbfounded because it's unbelievable that he went to that length without even informing the lady earlier to save himself from embarrassment. I don't know why she said no but everything he did was a complete waste and I can tell that the shame would be too much for him to deal with and he could have saved himself the embarrassment circulating online by just doing the wedding proposal privately or by even understanding his partner first which is a simple step to take in every relationship.
The purpose of the marriage proposal is just to ask for the lady's consent to take the relationship to the next level and I do not see any reason why this should cause a fuss. Some people like show off and that's fine but personally, I would rather do something decent and do something more remarkable to seal out future together when we both get married.
Most of these marriage proposal sometimes put pressure on the fainthearted and they go with the pressure of everyone being there, and they forcefully say yes for the "glam". Some private moments deserves private scenery where you both discuss if you are ready first.
It is a moment that needs privacy, a time that opens the door to the journey of forever that you are knocking on as a guy and to my best understanding, it should be a sacred time for both of you. Celebration can come after she says "yes" and it still shouldn't cause a fuss.
It's not a new thing that after the success of a guy proposing to a lady, many of those relationships do not materialise into a wedding, so why make so much fuss about it initially? We have seen a proper marriage crash, so what's the big deal about wedding proposal?
It's a happy moment for the guy and lady who are determined to truly take things to the next level but everything can happen simply. I don't blame people who spend huge on wedding proposals, sometimes I blame their exposure and the kind of company they keep because they inspire some of these exotic proposal. Social media doesn't help too but all in all... Do you...be you... Some things are not as deep as we make it seem. Spoil her with expensive things afterwards...spoil him too afterwards... It's never a one sided affair.
A billionaire daughter was proposed to and it all happened at the seaside, there were no lights or anything. No third party except for the photographer because they went there for a photo shoot initially... it was simple and successful. Sometimes, we need to ask ourselves, "Who am I trying to impress?" This would solve most of our problems and make us do what's necessary.
Doing it in a simple way doesn't mean the guy doesn't value or love her, I believe he understands what that moment truly means and did it the right way despite having the money to make it bigger. I have so much to say but I guess I would just let it flow in the comment section for anyone who agrees or even contradicts this. Life is a lesson...we are all here to learn.
Thank you for your time.
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This topic has a lot of fabric to cut friend, because what should be something simple many times we complicate it too much, that is, sometimes you have to have as we say in Venezuela uncomfortable conversations with the couple to see how they visualize in the future, if they want to start a family, a house and have children, you have to take much into account that when making a marriage proposal, whether big or not but it is something that remains for the memory of both, already topic friend, I enjoy reading you, hugs ♥
Social media beclouds people in such a way that they lose thought of the future.
Such a disastrous concept!
They only bother about how they can make it look perfect and all rosy.
That's premium fakery!
Is it ending anytime soon?
No.
Problem is that this makes people live above their means just in order to make it buzz up the internet.
Everyone want theirs to be talk of the town...lol.
Especially the older people in Pakistan say that the relationship is within the relatives so that our generation will continue and in the same way the generation here. It is said that it is given a lot of importance and there are some people who do not marry in any other race than their own, so they have to marry especially within relatives. But I would like to say here that this is how the time is going today, all people have to change with it, otherwise such a problem will never be solved in life.
Hehe, now you saying people in Pakistan, I'm amazed because I was thinking it's worst in my country..
Well, the bottom line is that it's crap and helps no one.
Same situation in Pakistan.
Yeah! That's another angle — social media!
I feel most people are pressured into public proposals so that they could fit into the social trends forgetting that at the end, it's just you and your partner that will live together. The public wouldn't be there to witness what actually goes down in that union of yours.
We should do things not because of the societal pressure but based on our own personal observation of the situations involving our relationships.
But what's this whole concept about trying to fit in to the general public?
It's really a cankerworm eating us up in this country and era.
Where went our uniqueness?
Where went our calculated steps?
Why must we do what Mr. A does not because we want or love it but because Mr. A did it.
We really need to align ourselves in so many ways in this era indeed and stop some unnecessary unimportant things
Social media is a great issue our generation will really have and not untill they get to understand the whole idea of picking what you want from there and seiving the rest of the information, people will really keep suffering
It is also a fact that man has some desires and man wants to fulfill them by working hard all his life, but today the way we see that inflation is going on in the whole world. That's why there are now a large number of slaves in Pakistan who are unable to get married because of lack of money and if they marry in this way, the people who are there are not happy at all. They don't let them stay, they keep telling things and make their life very difficult. If the thinking of all people changes, many problems can be solved here too, so it is better that people want to solve such problems.
Well said, at the end, it is an experience that lingers in the minds of both couples. And just as you said, the road to the future shouldn't be blurred, goals should have been set right from the onset — this is what directs the method and type of proposals.
A lot of things must be considered, most especially what life would look like for the couple when they become married.
We always complicate simple things. We are all about creating impression that would somehow fade away. Thank you so much, my friend. I always enjoy reading from you.
The feeling is mutual as long as the love is sincere no matter if the marriage proposal is big or not, the important thing at the end of it all is to be happy with that special person, Abrazos @olawalium ♥
That's really the problem of the era we live in.. people prefer to make little and unnecessary things look big and when time comes for the important and necessary things, they don't see the value in it
Obviously, your target should be a happy home and not throwing your wealth around just for wedding proposal... That's too lame
It's a world where people no longer live genuinely for the core values.
We now live for the media, trying so hard to fake perfection in order to meet up for the approval of the social media. We like to make it worthy to be shown off.
We lose our real selves and our core values for the media.
We seem to seek approval so much from the social media communities, that we don't care about what is really best for us on the long run.
It is also a fact that even today it is being done in this way, even if the boy and the girl do not agree, they are married and after that many problems have to be faced. It is better here because If the whole life is to be spent with each other, then both of them should decide about it, but it does not happen in this way, people make their decisions in the words of their relatives, and then later when some time passes, then when they If both cannot be happy, then there is trouble. This is the most important decision of life and every person should make it himself.
We live for the social media. Everyone wants to trend without considering what's necessary or what's important for them. They mess up the good thing just by taking a complicated approach. Thanks a lot for this
You are welcome, man.
Everyone is quick to show the better side, real or unreal...lol
you are so right about this, some people do this just to oppress others and also impress someone they are not sure actually loves them, no matter how obvious it shows a lady loves me, i will never risk that public proposal based on what I have seen so far on social media😁
I myself have seen many houses here in Pakistan that are being destroyed. In the same way, they were married and later they did not get along. and later there is a lot of problem especially for the girl so it is better that such decisions should be taken with a lot of thought especially the girl should be asked about this. As a Muslim, one of our days, which is Islam, also says that first there should be the consent of both, then there should be a relationship.
My brother, how are you this wise?😂🤲
I am with you on this.
I will never risk it too, except we have discussed it together and we have actually drafted it out with fine cut edges of how, when, whith who, among lots of other factors🙂
That's the problem when you haven't settled down to do the barest minimum which is: to learn your partner and how best to love her.
This goes both ways.
When you have spent time to know your intending spouse to a fair extent, it becomes easier to decide what to do and what not to do with her. Not so hard.
Hahaha God bless you. Some people have a partner that enjoys the simple things and the small things yet they overly want to impress and make a mess of it by doing things to please themselves other than their partner.
Today has talked about a particular topic, the way we are seeing that nowadays there has been a lot of inflation in the whole world and here in Pakistan especially it is very difficult to eat bread twice a day. It seems impossible to get married at this time because to get married here in Pakistan, a boy must have a very good amount of money, then he gets married. But even here if people start liking simple marriage, many problems can be solved. Marriage has been made difficult by all of us, before it used to be so much easier.
Of course, marriage is not supposed to be > very difficult as you rightly said bro.
I doubt it has ever been easy anytime, anyways. Just that now, people are unnecessarily making the process too difficult for themselves.
Proposal as @olawalium said must not be for public display, rather, it should be a subtle conversation with your intending spouse about taking the relationship to another level. What has this got to do with the whole social media publicity? Lol...
Anyways, people think and act only according to their level of exposure. That is absolutely true.
We are our own problems. We create unnecessary problems for ourselves when life can be simple and we can enjoy it.
Yeah i totally agree with you bro.
A marriage proposal is cool, for sure some will feel more especial when they receive such kind proposal where efforts was shown. But, not all people like this. Some still prefee a simple but sincere proposal. Some just dont want too much attention too, maybe the girl find it too much for her. It's sad though what happened to the guy. But, if he knows her gf, for sure, he also knows the dislikes and likes of her. He should've check first before making a move like that. I dont know, if its me, I still like a private kind of proposal than something like this, like it is meant to show off and not the real meaning of it
You got the point.
The truth is that people now deviate from what really matters in a relationship sometimes in a bid to make themselves feel among on the media. As you pointed out, people are meant to spend time together learning themselves and learning each other.
In the course of this learning phase, they should get familiar with each other's likes and dislikes. If your spouse genuinely likes it all romantic and public, you both will plan for it and do it at the very best time and also at the best of costs.
Life is already not so easy, why make it more uneasy?
Haha, I know right, making it more complicated. Or maybe the guys love the girl too much that he think, doing this will make his gf happy. But what happened is the opposite, sad.
Exactly my Anime friend. Absolutely. Some people still prefer the simple life style. This is why it's important to understand one's partner first.
Right, no matter how simple you live your life, you will still find happiness in it.
Luxury on the glam, penury in reality:
I don't know where the people got the idea from: the idea of showing off and claiming to be living a perfect life online,regardless of whether or not they are actually living fine for real.
I mean, why do you want to push yourself so hard for no just course?
To please people?
People that you barely even know?
People that don't even care?
Come on!
People love to show off. They want to impress others forgetting it's just for a moment and everyone moves on too quickly. It's sad.
Trying to impress people, people that do not really care!😪
Yay! 🤗
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Thank you so much, Ecency.
I share the same view as you, do we really need luxury before proposing? My answer is no because, it really doesn't make any sense to me.
Anyone who has the money can go but it's indeed pointless to lavish so much on a marriage proposal and the worst part of it is when the lady says no.
The ones who actually have the money will rarely show it off unwisely.
It's always the middle class and the poor who go out of their way to please the public just to feel among.
If you have the money and it's what you and yours want, it's a beautiful thing and the memories will be beautiful.
But, let it not be considered just because it seems to gain popularity and approval from the media.
It will buzz the internet, yeah. But it doesn't make you a better couple.
And you will still go back to your actual reality pretty soon.
There are even better things to do together that lies ahead...like building a life together. It's meaningless to just waste it on proposal which doesn't guarantee any long term goal. Building together with a focus in mind is key.
Thank you so much.
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Thank you, Buzzy.
You're welcome @olawalium! Have a nice day 😊👍
You make great write ups. This is an interactive and engaging one.
Well, personally I don't really fancy public proposals. But it all depends on the relationship between both lovers. First of all, the guy should know his place in the girl's life if he is to propose publicly. We all vary, so does our likes, but every guy should look at the circumstances surrounding his relationship before dabbling into a public proposal, if not do it privately, away from the prying eyes of the public .
Nice💯
God bless you...know your place in the other person's life first. You can't carry people like a bag of rice when they hold you like a pinch of salt. It doesn't gel.
Exactly! The energy just dosen't match and will never match especially when it's only one person keeping the relationship standing. If it's not mutual, be ready to encounter massive disappointments at the end of everything.
Yes, there are a few comments here for sure.
It's strange indeed that a guy would go through all that for a proposal.
Hahaha the comments are more than I bargained for and I absolutely enjoyed them. Thank you so much.
You're very welcome.
See you around:)
People tend to associate a big wedding, an expensive ring, social media photos, etc., with a successful relationship and nothing could be further from the truth. I have seen simple and happy marriages, others ostentatious and that didn't last more than a year. Even people who simply decide not to get married but to unite their lives freely by exclusive mutual commitment, without appearing to please social dictates and they are really very happy.
Absolutely. I agree with you on this. I don't understand how they come to that conclusion too. They are living in a cocoon world of self delusion thinking grand gestures equate to happy marriage.
The most worrisome thing nowadays is the fact that people even get to the extent of borrowing money just to make their weddings one of the happening ones in the city but do you know the problem?
Paying Back the same money they borrowed to make their wedding the happening one ends up becoming the first issue they have in marriage and might even lead to their divorce.
This has happened over and over again in life but I still fail to understand why people don't learn.
Why exactly don't humans learn?
Because most of them love to live on appearances. We all have those acquaintances who look happy on screens but we know that in reality they are not, those married couples with photos of themselves together all the time with their respective "I love yous" and behind closed doors they can't stand each other, or the one who photographs himself next to a luxurious car that is not his. Always waiting for the approval of others. The intention is not to judge, but for us to be attentive so that we do not fall into the same trap and reinforce the essence.
That's exactly the main aim and u really hope we take corrections earlier
You've spoken well
I don't pretend to be in a relationship and would say it is wrong for a guy to assume that a lady would say yes because they are dating.
Wasting fund to propose to me is not impressive, it is best to invest in what the future will look for us than making a fuss about marriage proposal.
It's not impressive at all..I agree with you. They can use it to build a life together which would give them even more bond as they have things to talk about than having an elaborate proposal just for the glam.
That's true sir, a lot can be done with the money. Investing it will be the best, that's how I will be sure we are building a beautiful future.
Today will pass...
An average thinking lady that actually values what's ahead in marriage will align her thoughts with yours.
Like... Things are hard to come and waste resources in a proposal that won't get you you anything and a proposal that was initially meant to be a thing if two and you're making it a thing of 20persons
That's totally unnecessary and I pray we get this correction ahead of time
It should be a personal thing, our generation is addicted to these things already and we can only hope people realise the truth about what they are doing.
Well said. Whom are we trying to impress. Some will even ask why the guy is proposing privately without TV coverage and before you know it, they are already on their phone doing vlog to tell the world what is going on. Well, you have said it all. Living simply remains the best
Living simple is the way. I really don't know who they are trying to impress. They are just fooling themselves.
Perhaps the stereotypes that the series and movies reflect have influenced many. And more recently I have come to hear that they name events that perhaps do not have much relevance, or are an excuse to have a party. I agree with your point of view, and I already made my marriage proposal more than a decade ago, and it will surely be the only one🤣. Greetings @olawalium
I love this angle. Yes, social media and movies gave people unrealistic expectations and they act without thinking about what's ahead of them.
Hahaha absolutely...it would be the only one you have. I wish you happy married life together.
I've not done mine but I'll be definitely doing it in the most minimalistic way😂
Thinking about it now, I think it's all about making things official, am I right?
I say this because for you to propose to someone, obviously if all things been equal you all must have known each other for a while.
To me, there's obviously no reason even if you're buoyant enough to throw a big proposal party, why spend so much for what you aren't even sure it'll be working?
It's a moment for two
It's a time to really get into knowing this very person you want to spend your whole life with
Not surprised though because the world is focused on misplacing priorities and people will be comfortable enough to throw proposal parties even when they're not financially capable enough to do so just because someone else did that
We're really in the era where ingenuity is the order of the day... So sad.
Who are we trying to impress?
A question that if we all answer before any major decision we make, we will really relief ourselves of many unnecessary pressures
Seriously I am on the same page with you, There is no point spending much on a marriage proposal
It is time for aspiring couples to starts knowing and preparing for how they want their homes to be than focusing on making a grand marriage proposal