Enjoying the process

" Change tends to unsettle us. It often arrives uninvited disrupting the comfort of our routine. We find ourselves struggling, treading water as we brave liminality;betwixt and beyond the unknown."

" What if you were to reframe the time spent in-between? Instead of longing for stability of what's regular,embrace this journey as vital to your transformation, a call of the wild urging you to reflect, to pause and be present."
- Madi-

              Breathe and Make time for yourself issue 44

Image by Jill Wellington from Pixabay

Reading through the issue tonight, I am reminded that change unsettles me so much. When I had been struggling to forgive and move on from the betrayal done by an ex friend last year, it was a painful process. A part of me does not want to go through the process of healing.I know that it is going to be difficult, painful, long.I am aware that the other side will be of me living a peaceful existence away from hatred, anger and resentment.

Eventually, it came into a point where I have to choose to adapt or not.It was difficult to decide to go through it. But, I did. There were a lot of talk from my counselor, a lot of soul searching and finally, about me finally deciding to once more trust and embrace change. The journey was not always good- there were times when I felt like I am back tracking- going three steps back with each single step forward I make. There were times when my emotions gets the better part of me and I start projecting that to the person who hurt me.

As part of my journey, I started doing things that I love and enjoy like reading and writing. I learned new things like, annotating my books, discovering other literary genre, learning new things. I started to listen to me more, encourage, love and be more honest with me and others. I forgave, I gave more space for me to grow and explore. I learned how to express myself more in a positive way. Eventually, I forgot why am I going through this process again- yes, I was hurt and angry.

I looked back to the reason why I have to go through this. All I can find is that minute detail of hurt and betrayal from a person- who does not even deserve to be called one.All I can see now is me. Someone who is completely different when I started this journey.And, I enjoyed the process of me being changed, healed, transformed.