An Apology That Never Arrived

Is there a time you expected an apology from your parents or an older person for wronging you, but it didn't come? Tell us what happened and how you felt when they didn't apologize despite knowing they wronged you.

This prompt reminded me of the many times I felt wronged by a parent and expected an apology that never came.

In my home, whenever something goes wrong, may an item was misplaced or broke, I'm always the first person to be asked. The reason is that I'm the last born, or, as they often say, the "careless little one" who's always damaging things, a label I can't confirm is entirely fair.

Because of this perception, I am always the prime suspect whenever something goes wrong, even when I'm not at fault. On one occasion, my mom's jewelry was misplaced, and as usual, she assumed I had something to do with it, prompting her to question me first before my other siblings. Here's what happened in detail.

It was a Sunday morning, and we were rushing to get ready for our Christian gathering, trying to finish on time. Everything was going smoothly as planned, until my mom declared that she was missing a particular pair of earrings. Naturally, I was the main suspect because she thought I had something to do with the disappearance or at least knew how it went missing from her jewelry box. As it turns out, I had seen it but hadn't touched it.

When she asked me about it, I told her I knew where it was and brought it to her. She was annoyed because she thought I had used it and forgotten to return it, which wasn't true. She shouted at me, accusing me of always taking people's items without returning them. Despite my attempts to explain that I only knew about the jewelry because I had seen her remove it and leave it on the table in the sitting room the previous evening after returning from a wedding, she wouldn't listen. She kept scolding me until I started crying.

I went to the meeting happy and returned to yet another round of scolding from both parents. This time, my older sister, who hadn't been around in the morning, intervened. She informed my mom that she was actually the one who had left the jewelry in the sitting room. Only then did the heat die down, and I gave my mom the "I told you so" look and my sister the "Thank you" look.

I was expecting an apology from my mom. This wasn't the first time she held me responsible for something I had nothing to do with, but this time, there was clear evidence that I wasn't at fault. Instead of an apology, though, my mom started another round of blame-and-scolding. She argued that if I weren't known for using other people's items without returning them, she would have believed me. She scolded me for what she called a bad character.

Like, really, Mama? There's solid evidence that I didn't do it, so why keep dragging this out? A simple "sorry" would have been better. Even though I knew she wouldn't apologize, part of me still wished she did. But she is an African parent.

African parents have a way of always justifying themselves, and my parents were no exception. If you grew up in a typical African home, you'll understand that parents and every older person are always right, even when they're wrong. Correct an older person, and they'll find a way to blame you for their mistakes, even when it's obvious they're at fault. It's like a disease that has affected every African parent, one that may have no cure for years to come.

It's been two years since the incident, and I still haven't received an apology, nor do I expect one in the future. Even now, when the incident is mentioned, my mom still finds a way to blame me. I have made peace with the fact that she believes she's always right, which is probably the best thing I could do for myself.

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