Non fiction: Stop: danger! Do not fall in love/ ¡Detente: peligro! No te enamores (ENG/ ESP)


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Stop: danger! Do not fall in love

I should have guessed, but my brain and body were loaded with dopamine. I should have guessed it when at that family party, I felt that his hand, until then only used to caress, help and protect, felt like a claw on my arm, squeezing my skin tightly and hurting me:

"I'm going to say hello to Dámaso, who just arrived!" -I said, turning to look at my boyfriend who was next to me and pulling away from his hand that was hurting me.

"No. You are not going anywhere. You stay here, with me," he ordered quietly, so that only I could hear. -I wanted to contradict that order, but I preferred not to make trouble at that moment: it was a family party and the last thing I wanted was to make a spectacle, so I stayed seated next to him and when my cousin, Damaso, came to greet me, I did it briefly and not very effusively:

"You are very unfriendly," Dámaso told me and I only half-smiled. Dámaso and I had grown up together and had always been very close. Dámaso kind of sensed that something was up, because he didn't come any closer to me and I kept to myself, really, isolated from everyone, in a corner with my boyfriend.


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Pixabay

When everyone left the party and my boyfriend and I were alone, I complained to him about his behavior:

"What's wrong with you, why did you do that, I don't recognize you! I hope this is the first and last time you do this". -I expressed really annoyed. I felt humiliated and upset: it was the first time my boyfriend, in the months we had been dating, had such a rude and coarse behavior with me.

"I apologize. I know I did wrong, but jealousy got the better of me. I know Dámaso is interested in you and I don't want him to be hugging you. I'm really sorry. It is love that makes me so dominant," he said looking into my eyes and hugging me. That apology and that confession of jealousy and love, generated in me a past feeling, confused, and I gave myself to the immortality of knowing I was in love, ignoring the silent current of the red light that began to blink announcing danger.


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Pixabay

With that performance, the masks fell off: the first act of jealousy opened a door through which all the monsters my boyfriend had hidden began to come out. He began to forbid me many things and to get annoyed by such normal things as seeing me laugh or seeing me listen to music:

"Why are you so happy?" He would ask as if he were a detective.

"Why do you like that song? Who does it remind you of?" -he would ask, suspicious even of his shadow.

For the sake of our relationship and because I was blindly in love, I answered every question he asked in a sincere way, trying not to create asperities between us. So I stopped singing, laughing, going out with friends: I looked like a little bird in a cage.

"What's wrong with you, are you no longer the cheerful woman you used to be?" -I was asked by other people because it was obvious that I had changed a lot.

To justify my behavior, I claimed:

"I have changed because I am more mature now. I can't live life as if I were a butterfly," I would argue, aware that I was fooling no one, only myself, and believing that with my words I was putting up walls to the outside screams. What I didn't know was that the screams inside me would start to sound louder and break my soul.


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Pixabay

It all ended one night, when I was asleep and when I woke up, in the middle of the night, I saw my boyfriend with my cell phone, checking all the conversations. When I asked him what he was doing, he simply told me he was watching:

"Is it that I can't see your phone? Are you hiding something?" -he asked, but he didn't look me in the eyes. Maybe if he had seen them, he would have noticed how something inside me was breaking. That night I went to bed and let him see everything on my cell phone. After an hour, I felt him lie down next to me and in a whisper, he said in my ear:

"I love you so much, my love. I don't want to lose you". -He said and kissed me. That kiss felt cold, macabre: like the one given by a victimizer to his victim.

The next morning, I finally listened to all the signals that were flashing in my brain; so I grabbed my things and left that love, with a smile, listening to music and moving my wings, aware that there are poisonous loves.

All images are free of charge and the text is my own, translated in Deepl

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Thank you for reading and commenting. Until a future reading, friends


![Click here to read in spanish]
¡Detente: peligro!
Debí suponerlo, pero mi cerebro y mi cuerpo estaban cargados de dopamina. Debí suponerlo cuando en aquella fiesta familiar, sentí que su mano hasta ese momento solo utilizada para dar caricias, ayudar y proteger, se sintió como una garra en mi brazo, apretando fuertemente mi piel y haciéndome daño:
_¡Voy a saludar a Dámaso, que acaba de llegar! –dije volteando para ver a mi novio que estaba a mi lado y zafándome de su mano que me hacía daño.
_No. Tú no vas a ninguna parte. Tú te quedas aquí, conmigo –ordenó bajito, para que solo yo escuchara. –quise contradecir aquella orden, pero preferí no crear problema en aquel momento: era una fiesta familiar y lo último que quería era hacer un espectáculo, así que me mantuve sentada a su lado y cuando mi primo, Dámaso, llegó a saludarme, lo hice de manera breve y poco efusiva:
_Estás muy antipática –me dijo Dámaso y yo solo sonreí a medias. Dámaso y yo nos habíamos criado juntos y siempre habíamos sido muy unidos. Dámaso como que intuyó que pasaba algo, porque no se acercó más a mí y yo me mantuve, realmente, aislada de todos, en una esquina con mi novio.
Cuando todos se marcharon de la fiesta y quedamos mi novio y yo solos, le reclamé por su comportamiento:
_¿Qué te pasa? ¿Por qué hiciste eso? ¡No te reconozco! Espero que sea la primera y última vez que hagas esto. –expresé realmente molesta. Me sentía humillada y contrariada: era la primera vez que mi novio, en los meses que llevábamos de relación, tenía un comportamiento tan grosero y tosco conmigo.
_Discúlpame. Sé que hice mal, pero los celos me dominaron. Yo sé que Dámaso está interesado en ti y no quiero que te esté abrazando. De verdad discúlpame. Es el amor lo que me vuelve tan dominante –expresó mirándome a los ojos y abrazándome. Aquella disculpa y aquella confesión de celos y de amor, generaron en mí un sentimiento pretérito, confuso, y me entregué a la inmortalidad de saberse enamorado, desconociendo la corriente silenciosa de la luz roja que comenzaba a parpadear anunciando peligro.
Con aquella actuación se cayeron las máscaras: la primera actuación de celos abrió una puerta por donde comenzaron a salir todos los monstruos que mi novio tenía escondidos. Comenzó a prohibirme muchas cosas y a molestarse por cosas tan normales como verme reír o verme escuchar música:
_¿Por qué estás tan contenta? Preguntaba como si fuera un detective.
_¿Por qué te gusta esa canción? ¿A quién te recuerda? –interrogaba sospechando hasta de su sombra.
Por el bien de nuestra relación y porque estaba ciegamente enamorada, contestaba a cada pregunta que hacía de manera sincera, intentando no crear asperezas entre nosotros. Fue así que dejé de cantar, de reír, de salir con amigas: parecía un pajarito enjaulado.
_¿Qué te pasa? ¿Ya no eres la mujer alegre que eras? –me preguntaban las otras personas porque era evidente que había cambiado mucho.
Para justificar mi comportamiento, aseguraba:
_He cambiado porque ahora soy más madura. No puedo vivir la vida como si fuera una mariposa –argumentaba, consciente que no engañaba a nadie, solo a mí y creyendo que con mis palabras ponía muros a los gritos exteriores. Lo que no sabía era que los gritos dentro de mí comenzarían a sonar más fuertes y romperme el alma.
Todo terminó una noche, en la que estaba dormida y cuando desperté, en mitad de la madrugada, vi a mi novio con mi celular, revisando todas las conversaciones. Cuando le pregunté qué hacía, simplemente me dijo que estaba viendo:
_¿Es que no puedo ver tu teléfono? ¿Escondes algo? –me preguntó, pero no me vio a los ojos. Tal vez si los hubiese visto, se habría dado cuenta como dentro de mí se quebraba algo. Esa noche me acosté y dejé que viera todo en mi celular. Luego de una hora, sentí que se acostó a mi lado y en un susurro, me dijo al oído:
_Te amo mucho, amor mío. No quiero perderte. –dijo y me besó. Aquel beso lo sentí frío, macabro: como el que le da un victimario a su víctima
A la mañana siguiente, le hice caso, por fin, a todas las señales que parpadeaban en mi cerebro; así que agarré mis cosas y me fui de aquel amor, con una sonrisa, escuchando música y moviendo mis alas, consciente, de que hay amores peligrosos.


































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7 comments
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It's a normal thing to get jealous. But trying to make you sad, stopping you from doing the same thing you were doing before and when you met him - going out with friends, listening to music, being happy, etc.???

Nah! That was really too far from him, and it was better you left earlier than allowing it to take the best of you.

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It is only after one has left a toxic relationship that one realizes the damage one has experienced. Greetings

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Toxic relationships are what lead a person to live unhappily and being someone they are not, simply because they are in love, over time these relationships do not end very well. Here is a phrase that says, 'It is better to be alone than in bad company.'

Thanks for sharing your experience with us.
Happy day.

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You have just summed up a great truth: It is better to be alone than in bad company". Greetings, friends

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¡Felicitaciones!


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