Life happens

Life is busy. Most of us work for a living then try to enjoy the fruits of our labour. Some of us have loved ones to take care of: our children, aging parents, etc. Let’s not forget - we also need to take care of ourselves. We can best help others, if we are hale and hearty. Self-care is necessary. Then there are our friends. Our friends need time and attention too - some more than others.
Therefore, when asked,
“How are you MoMoGrOw? You have not been blogging much lately.”

My generic answer could be,
“I am fine, just busy.”

My honest and a bit more detailed answer would be,
“You know how it is. I am busy: mothering, working, “friending” and self-caring."

I have no complaints - without these elements there is no life experience. Life would be a bit duller and less exciting. My hobbies, for e.g. blogging, gardening and walking are a part of self-care. Yes - blogging is a part of self-care for me because it is something I do for enjoyment. I blog to put my mind in another mode. I am usually calm, alone and in the zone when I blog. No multitasking or rushing.

Family weekend location - Limburg - June 2023

Whilst living our lives - things happen - expected and unexpected. As they say - "S#%T happens".

In a nutshell, if we are out there in our offline lives and truly living - life will get busy - it is inveitable. We deal with it - the good and the bad and the ugly parts of it. We can rant, complain and fuss about things because we are humans. However, human resilience enables most of us to allow and accept things, find solutions and move on. We will all deal with things in our own way as well. There is no formula. That is the beauty. It is part of the flavour of life.

“So what happened Momogrow?
I hear you asking.
"What do you want to rant about?”

Welll ................

One beautiful June morning, after 8 hours of undisturbed and well deserved slumber, I rose and was in the best of moods. I was thinking “I am feeling good - it should be like this every day”

Little did I know what awaited me. Ok - I do not want to be too dramatic - I will simply show it to you.

This is the message I received from a friend.
What was I supposed to think, say or do? I read and re- read it. The message did not change. haha I thought hmm. Ok.
I was surprised about this message from this particular friend. However, we can always learn new things about friendships.

A bit of background
My friend is career-oriented, single and has no children. She lives on another continent hence in another time zone. Like everyone, she has “life things” occurring too. My friend had been going through a lot especially after a big surgery.

I am always supportive of my friends anywhere on earth they find themselves. Because I value my friendships, I try my best to keep in touch as though we still live in the same place. Technology has made that easy.

I was away with my extended family- she knew that. It started as a fun long weekend but 2 family members became very ill. Things changed in the twinkle of an eye. When I answered the call from my friend, I think she could surmised that I was busy, as my response was unusually short,
“ Hi - I will call you back later.”
I had priorities and I forgot to call her back.

What I think?
Clearly from her text message - she was very upset. However, to "take a break" from a friendship of more than 2 decades seems dramatic without proper communication.

We all have full lives and things can change suddenly just like during that family weekend. Via text, I told her that a lot has been happening here. She told me that she knew I would not call back. My first thought was since you know me so well - then call me again. With true friends, it is not about who made the last call.

I had so much happening that weekend and thereafter. I will not bother to list them because there is no need. However, a lot was probably happening for my friend as well - so she probably needed an old friend to speak to.

This is clearly a misunderstanding and this highlights why communication is of paramount importance.

Without clear communication, we get into our heads and feelings which of course are important too. The problem is that one can easily draw the wrong conclusion - especially when one feels hurt or ignored. It is then easy to forget that the other person has a life too and not think from their perspective. There are always 2 sides to every story.

Good old friends do not just ignore you for no good reasons. Something can happen - that is usually the reason. It is so easy to find out. A call from would have sufficed. I would have apologised for being tardy and explained what was happening. She would have immediately understood. I am sure.

Life is always happening for everyone. We are not all the same though so our reactions will vary. I would have called again. Not get mad first. After a call or 2 - it would become clear if the friendship is still there.

So what happened thereafter?
I do not like to have important and/or sensitive conversations via text, so I immediately proposed that we call each other. It still has not happened yet. I have teasingly said,
"Looks like you are really taking a break."

Her text was in June and we are now at the middle of September. We have shared texts since then but cannot seem to schedule a time that works. She said she is very busy and travelling etc. No problem.

Now you the reader knows a bit more about what happened but my friend still doesn’t. I hope she is not still so angry - that would not be a good thing. Time does help to lessen anger sometimes though.

Wall decoration - Family weekend - Limburg - June 2023

The moral of the story is :

• Consider a scenario or perspective other than our own. It might be wise to take pause sometimes and “put ourselves” in other people’s shoes.
• We do not always know what is going on with others.
• Be not too hasty to draw conclusions.
• Refrain from wanting be right all the time.
• Do not assume - it is literally supposition without evidence. It always makes things worse. It is truly a waste of energy because things are not always the way they seem.

Irrespective of age, we live and learn new things daily. What we do with the new information matters. I learnt some lessons during the family weekend and also about my friend. I also learnt that life happens and we just need to go with the flow.

Communication is so important though. It removes conjecture and creates clarity. Instead of judging others, communicating in a caring and open way is better. Thereafter, we need to be willing to listen and hear each other.

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All photos are my own