The painful what if!

Hello motherhood community!!!
It's been a long time that I posted a blog here .
Usually my blog is about food and now I had something to share with you here.

While watching my kids sleeping for their afternoon nap ,anyway my eldest son's teacher chatted me to fetch my son at school coz it having a fever this morning.
And his having a headache ,glad that he finish his exam but unfortunately his absent for his review as he will be competing this Friday to other school.

While watching them sleeping ,I feel sad when suddenly some what if's in my mind suddenly appear.

Last August when I visit an OB-GYN,I found out that I have an ovarian cyst on my right ovary.Its been almost three months that I visit a doctor .
Because of lack of financial,I was'nt able to visit my OB-GYN.

The doctor gave a medicine that good for 1 month and she said I will comeback when I have my monthly period but still now I haven't yet my monthly period aside of that we don't have money for it.

The doctor told me incase the cyst will continue bigger I have to undergo an operation and I am afraid it will happen.
Aside of a big amount needed,I don't know if my body can take that kind of operation.

Because of it ,I was thinking some painful what if's in my mind while watching my kids.
They are too young and I am scared if the time come ,praying it won 't yet come coz I am not prepared for it .
I am scared leaving my kids on their age now.

My eldest son is only 8 years old and my youngest is only 4 years old.

I was'nt able to hold my tears thinking about it .I feel sad and scared so I get my rosary and hold it tightly asking and begging God to give me more years to stay with my son.

Even right now while writing this I was'nt able to hold my tears again ,it is so painful and I am not yet ready for it.

But only God knows all.

As for now ,I can feel a little bit of pain of right stomach and in my right side of my back.Althoug it's only a bit pain but it makes me scared knowing that I have a cyst.

I really wanted to go a doctor for check up but I don't have enough fund for it.We had some debt that we need to pay.
We able to lend a money last July ,that money was supposedly spend for Continue working out house but I had my miscarriage for my third baby so it was spent for that.

And now we need to pay it monthly ,I don't know where to find money for a check-up.
My last option is when my husband recieved his Christmas bunos on this coming December if ever we can't find money I need to wait it.

I keep reminding my self and keep praying that everything will be okay ,praying a good news on my next check-up.

I trust and I surrendered everything to God🙏

I am asking your prayers also guys ,please for me🙏

Thank you and have a great Wednesday!