Hoping for Brighter Days

Here I am, to write the words that I am dying to express but none to share with, why? I am a bit sensitive when it comes to judgments like what the person would think of me after hearing these. The same would be towards a psychologist as well, as long as he is sitting in front of me I would feel like, “What's going on in his mind?” I know they have their own ways to convince but still, I am afraid to share things with people. But, honestly speaking, I am open to all, they share their heart with me and I am ready to help them out without anything like these that I am afraid of myself, and I have done that several times as well and got positive feedback as well. It's like I am fixing myself with

Let's talk about myself, not in plain text but in riddles, just for the sake of the peace of my mind that I was able to speak out the congested thoughts out of my mind. The life I am living is not an ideal one, no way one can have so much struggle in daily life, no way. Responsibilities are imposed one after another, no way I can say or run away. Every day I am like, this shall pass too and there comes another problem and I pray the same that this one would go away and there comes another. Life has been going on like this.

📸 Markus Spiske

As I am sitting on my PC and typing on the keyboard at almost 1.30 AM, I am remembering myself exactly two years ago. Not broke like this, nor the pressure of so many responsibilities like now. I was carefree, doing whatever I wanted as this is the day to enjoy and the next one can be seen when comes. Now everything I wanna do I feel like I am in chains, things to fulfill before doing this or that.

I still remember the days when I would sleep as much as I could, I used to say, “I lay on my bed, keep my phone aside, and I fall asleep within a few minutes and a peaceful sleep what we call quality sleep.” and now? Trouble in sleeping can sleep much, dark circles and whatnot. It's going to be two years since I don't watch movies on a regular basis, I have completely stopped watching in fact. When your life is full of insecurities then this kinda entertainment is like a luxury beyond affordability.

These are just a few decisions that have thrown me into such a complex situation, coming out of them is way harder than I had thought. Yeah, I knew these were coming and still I have embraced them thinking I would be able to overcome them but guess what, they have outnumbered me, I had underestimated them and now struggling terribly.

But yeah, I know the situation will come around soon, I will be having better days for sure. But when? That’s the answer I am looking for standing straight.