Back Against The Ropes

Often I sit down and ask myself, "What are you doing? How's life going?" and those are the moments that usually give me frustrating answers. Because no matter how determined I am or try to cope with the situations, I always end up wasting the opportunities and pushing myself into an uncomfortable situation.

Sometimes, I am in my senses, working just like I always plan to do, even better. I wish I could continue that streak in my daily life. What's the catch? Those are some different situations, situations like when my back is against the ropes, with no way around it, those are the moments when my nerves work accordingly—scary situations.

📸 Alexandra

A few days ago, I was facing some scary situations, I was so terrified that I had nothing in my mind throughout the whole day except the solution to that problem, I made myself work like a dedicated soul with no objectives left to chase apart from this. Was somewhat of a 'do or die' situation. Gave my ass no rest to waste any time, that was really a limited version of me that I wish to have always. Is it really possible?

What happened then? The situation started to get normal and I am too sinking into relaxation, my mind is saying, “Situation is in control, no need to panic. Get some rest, you have worked too hard to mitigate.” Naive me, got influenced by the sweet words, fell into the trap, and sat down to rest, an endless rest from that streak. Two days are gone in the name of pointless resting that my mind made fool of me. “Stop it,” I said, it was like an offensive attack against my mind that I broke the shackles of resting and sat again to my work.

Oh well, lemme tell you a story of how it traps me. Engaged me with something that took a day for me to set up. Okay, I have dedicated a day for good, I will be starting tomorrow, on a path to advanced mechanics. My mind spreads a trap that, “Have you got expertise on the basics before approaching? Are they well enough to proceed? You sure?” Good one but I have prior knowledge, maybe they are not top-notch but an overall idea, out of confusion I started to dig into the basics once again to go deep and successfully wasted another day doing nothing. After that break to my resting trap, I said to myself,” Come on! You know the basics, get started, if you find difficulties to understand then take a break to fix them, now get started.” I listened to this and finally started my way toward advancement. The plan consists of a month-long workflow to complete. Successfully completed day one and wish to continue doing so, maintaining the streak just like the one when my back was against the ropes.

I have always valued things properly when they get complex, gotta change this habit of mine. Easier to say, hard to execute but I must keep trying that's all we can do in the first step.