Let Me Live Guilty

Why do I feel like I'm faced with a judge who's bent on taking me to jail for being guilty and I'm trying so hard to explain how less guilty I am? Or am I really being judged right now?

There's a thing called less guilty right? I want to believe that.

Well, I am living both guilty and free but let's get to know how less guilty I am. But I'm not sharing them here so I can get advices to change or maybe I am. I do know for sure that they are not good for me but I can't help it, it's not like they will kill me immediately I do them so you won't blame me.

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I'm a sweet tooth, sugar is my best friend and I've got a strong hate feeling towards anything near bitter or not sweet. I've taken too much sugar to the extent that it's no longer hidden.

Before now, I would add a cube of sugar to my meal in the presence of everyone at home but that is after I added two cubes in hiding 😅 I'm sure you get what I mean. I knew I was wrong doing that but the sweeter the pleasure, the more I continued doing it.

Now, my family knows how badly I abuse sugar and they won't stop talking and warning me about it's danger... How do I stop what gives me so much pleasure? I'm still trying to figure that out.

Aside the possibility of applying for diabetes or growing fat, this guilty pleasure of mine makes me fall sick and feel so much pain during my monthly flow (women problem) but I still don't get it. I rely on taking drugs or not doing any hard work during those times than stop taking sugars.

Hold up! Don't give me that look, I'm enjoying my pleasure and I will try to change (Will I ever?) you can help me wonder about that.

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I hate exercises!!! Yes, I'm screaming but seriously, should someone who takes too much sugar hate exercise? Well, you found one and before you say it, I know I'm putting my life at risk by not doing exercises.

I like my comfort a lot, eat a lot (sweet meals of course), lie down or sleep off, wake up to press my phone or watch movies... No trial on working out or taking a stroll to let out some sugar.

Those are stress to me and not pleasurable at all. The last time I tried exercising my body after eating too much, I almost fainted... I'm not trying that again 😅 did you say something?

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Watching TV closely, pressing my phones with bright lights and sleeping in bright rooms is one of my favourite kind of things until it started giving me eye problems. I would get sharp pains when I see bright lights anytime I wake up... It's more than what I can write but still, I enjoy doing it.

I think this pleasure of mine won't last long for me, I can give it up a bit easily than my intake of sugar.

Thanks to this pleasure, my eyes aches a lot but it aches less when I try hard not to go near too bright lights... I'm still trying.

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I know there are many more things I enjoy doing but are not healthy for me, maybe I would share them later when I remember them or do them again... For now, these are the pleasures I am found guilty and I know it but I think I can explain to the judge better.