RESENTMENT-A NEGATIVE FEELING

Resentment happens when you feel bad or angry at a person or a particular situation. when a person does something that is not fair to you. You get to develop some bad emotions inside you, and you can't stop thinking badly of that particular person or event that triggered the strong emotions.

Resenting a person can come as a result of jealousy, being taken advantage of, unrealistic expectations from others, and relationships with people who insist on being right all the time.

Of all that I have mentioned above, I have had experience resenting someone because she is always right. How could you do something bad to me with a clear eye, which you know about, and when I ask you why you did that instead of saying sorry, you told me you did what you did, and nothing can be done about that?

As in, that attitude is a turnoff to me, and to be sincere, I don't like it when a human has this kind of attitude. From that moment, with the words she said to me, I resented her, and whenever I see her, I always feel angry inside me. Though I didn't say anything to her after the day, we had the conversation about her doing bad to me and she saying she did what she did and can't apologise. I was not happy about what she said, and my stomach is always boiling with anger whenever I set my eyes on her.

This lady in question was one of the girls I was close to when I gained admission into college, and we always did things together, including reading together when our college examinations were around the corner. When she got to 200L in college, she started dating a guy, and her attitudes towards me changed and everything. She stopped communicating with me the way she used to and stopped coming to class regularly.

Fine, she now has a boyfriend, but should that stop her from relating with her friends the way she should? No, that should not be because she was friends with me and the other girls before she met the guy she was dating. I felt like she betrayed me and broke the friendship we both shared because I trusted and loved her so much.

There are days she will even come to class, walk past me and the other girls, and go over to sit with the guy she is dating. Yes, the guy is in the same department with us.
We both used to sit down together in class before, and the fact she stopped doing that with no excuse or condition doesn't look good to me. She even went to the extent of telling the guy all the secrets I and the other girls shared with her.

I could remember the day I confronted her about it by chatting with her on WhatsApp.

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I want to know the reason why she stops talking to me or the other girls. She told me bluntly that I have "mental stress." To me, "mental stress" means I am mentally disordered. I met her physically and asked her what she meant by that, but she ended up saying she meant I looked stressed and I should take care of myself. She said the words didn't mean I am mentally disordered, but they meant I always look stressed when she sees me. Like, how do being stressed and "mental stress" go with each other?

She didn't agree that what she said was wrong, and she didn't say sorry. To me, what she said was not right, and it hurt me. I let it go, and we stopped talking to each other, but from that moment on, I resented her.

Recently, I guess the guy is maltreating her, and she wants her friends back. She doesn't have anyone to talk to about her relationship, and she thinks I am the right person to talk about it. Though her approach back to me was real, I don't want to have anything to do with her again because I just can't stop thinking of the feelings of regret and being betrayed she makes me go through.

I forgive her, but I just can't let all the emotions go at once. I think it will take a while before I finally let go of all the bad emotions that I feel towards her. I hope one day I will finally find a place in my heart to let go of everything because I really want to, but it is just hard for me.

I have taken the first step, which is forgiving her, and the next should be bringing myself to be able to communicate with her the way I used to. I know it may not be as it was before, but having some conversations together will be better than none.